Sunday, May 2, 2010

Yet Another Abortion/Adoption Debate

And another opportunity to reply...

Jay Livingston - a man? - from the Montclair Sociology department wants women to "gift" their children to those less fortunate. Read this sanctimonious hogwash here.

My reply:
As a researcher (for more than 30 years) of adoption and those whose lives have been touched by it, I agree and disagree with you.

You are totally correct that finances, marital, social, educational status all effect who is deemed "deserving" to be a mother (despite marital status or sexual orientation) and who is reviled for the same human desire.

Like white privilege, educated feminists need to be aware of and fight against women's inhumanity to women and the exploitation of lower earning, younger, less educated women for their own profit - in this case the want of a child.

A child is NOT a "gift" though they are all too often treated by the adoption industry as a commodity. With the exception of paid surrogates, women do not become pregnant with the INTENT to give their child to another. That would be a gift (albeit for the payment involved in surrogacy which often renders it exploitive of women of lesser means).

Gifts are given freely, willingly, not under duress or because of lack of the option or support needed not to give something precious and wanted away....or something that you might you think you want to give away and have not second to change your mind once you actually SEE what it is your are losing.

"There’s no shame in sharing with people who have not been similarly gifted."

"Sharing"? A child is not shared when it is adopted. Even in the most open adoption, the original/natural mother - and father - relinquish ALL of their parental rights. Legally, they and their child are strangers to one another and they have no enforceable right to visitation. This is hardly sharing.

Mothers who lose children to adoption have been documented to experience LIFELONG irreversible grief, guilt and shame. It's a limbo loss with no closure and no ritual. Mothers experience PTSD, depression and a multitude of psychological and physical effects that ripple out to their extended families of birth and their formed and attempted relationships.

The adoptee experiences lifelong feelings of rejection and abandonment as well as in the the vast majority of states no access to his own birth certificate...ever!

Adoption should always be a last resort and should not be pitted against abortion while leaving out the third option: helping mothers receive the resources they need (as did Bristol Palin) to remain an intact family. It's no fun for Bristol NOW, but life is too long to have regrets FOREVER and ever!

Women need to stop putting in orders for others' babies which creates a demand which in turn necessitates a supply - often leading to children in Guatemala, China, India and elsewhere being kidnapped an stolen for black market child trafficking.

Infertility needs to be treated with education as to its many preventable causes - starting in H.S. health classes. Infertility is sad, but no woman OWES another her child any more than anyone owes their eyes or organs - while living - to one in need of such.

We need to stop and reverse this trend lest we wind up fulfilling Margaret Atwood's Handmaid's Tale. We are very close now with baby farms and wombs for rent world wide.

No comments:

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