Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Will Madonna Have Mercy?

As a follow-up to my previous post about Madonna:

1. I have read that Madonna's adopted son David did get to meet his father who dd not recognize.

2. The following are two quotes by spokespersons for Save the Children regarding Madonna's hope to take another Malawian child home with her:

"We believe very strongly that children are much better looked after, even if they've lost their parents, within their home communities." Sarah Jacobs, Save the Children's Africa specialist, working on issues of child protection, hunger, health and education.
"...our biggest concern is that we believe that in the most -- in the majority of cases, orphans, so-called orphans, in fact [are] not orphans -- they have at least one parent living -- and even those that don't, have a wider family that can look after them. And we believe that children in poverty should be best looked after by their own people in their own environment. And that people like Madonna and organizations like Save the Children are best off helping those families by building schools and supporting them to look after these so-called orphans and not transporting them to live across the world in mansions, in pop stars' mansions, that sort of thing." Dominic Nutt, the spokesman for Save the Children UK . "Children best raised in their own environment, charity says" CNN News 3/30/09

3. Ethica's Call to Action on the Mercy James Case
Ethica is calling to action to raise funds to Linkassist Mercy James to be cared for within her country with her extended family of origin. The annual average salary in Malawi is $160.00. If we provide those funds to the care of Mercy James for the next 14 years, we believe not only could she stay with her family, but she should also be able to be educated within her own country. Therefore we are challenging the adoption community to help us raise $2,240 for Mercy James.

Please read Ethica's entire statement on this subject and donate.

4. Joan M Wheeler, born as, Doris M Sippel sent the following comment to the post "Material Mom To Buy David a Sibling". With Joan's permission I make it available here...

This is outrageous! Thank you for pointing out "Taking children from their culture, without concern for their families’ needs, is done all the time—not just by the rich and famous."

My blood boils. It happened to me. Not in this extreme sense of rich white woman picking out a poor black boy, or girl. But in a small-town-big city: Buffalo, New York. Poverty, maternal death, manipulated grieving father, extended family pre-occupied with their own children to help keep the family together, and, the biggie: Christians.

I get nervous when I think about it. While I was growing up, my adopted mother would tell me stories of her life. How her mother, age 23, died of the flu epidemic in 1918. She left behind 4 children: three boys and one girl. The baby was six months old. The father managed to survive the flu (yes, both parents were dying; he pulled through). The close-knit Italian family and friends helped take care of the children while both parents were hospitalized. When the mother died and the father recovered, he moved the children to a German orphanage in the city of Buffalo. This was 100 miles away from the family home near the Pennsylvania-New York border: mining towns. The father somehow managed to work all week, including Saturdays, and come into the city to visit his children on Sunday. Every week.

Then, fire destroyed the orphanage. The children were moved to an orphanage in an eastern suburb of Buffalo. Still, the father either drove up or took a train to visit his children once a week. He paid for their care. But it was an orphanage. People came to see the children line up, sing songs for entertainment, be on their best behavior so that the audience could pick out the ones they wanted to adopt.

This was a Polish orphanage: most of the children were blonde-haired and blue-eyed. And the girls were separated from the boys. My mother was a full-blood, darker skinned, black haired, brown eyed Italian girl. She was strikingly different from the rest of the girls. She was picked for adoption nearly every time the children performed their entertainment.

But her father refused to let his children be adopted. He saw them through to adulthood. My adoptive mother told this story to me frequently. She was happy. To her, the orphanage was her home. She spent 14 years there, and came home at age 16, when her father came back from Italy with a new wife.

But while I was growing up, all I knew was that my mother died and that my father “put me up” for adoption. My adoptive mother, whether she meant to or not, seemed to rub my nose in the fact that her father kept her, and mine didn’t keep me.

When I was 18 and found by 4 older siblings, the truth came out. A Catholic priest told my father, after the death of my mother, that “the baby needs two parents.” The priest didn’t offer any help to keep five children with their father, no, the priest manipulated my father’s weakened sense of ability by re-enforcing the prevailing social atmosphere of giving needy infants two parents. Didn’t matter that we were an intact family suffering the shock of our mother’s death. Just do the right thing and make sure that infant has two parents, meanwhile, the four older kids could flap in the wind and the father absolutely must go to work. He “found” a wife a short time after his first wife’s death, and had a mother there to take care of the dead mother’s children. The children rebelled. Who wouldn’t?

When I was 18 and learned the truth, I was outraged. Still am. My own siblings lived less than five miles from me for the duration of my childhood and I was deliberately kept from them by a mother who insisted on telling me, over and over again, how her father did not want his children to be permanently separated by adoption. It’s okay, though, for my adoptive Mom to take me from my family and adamantly fight for her right to possess me! And then yell at me for accepting a phone call from a sister I never knew. Mom could have her family, but I could not have mine.

I fail to see how this is love.

Somebody please tell me how to cope with these conflicting, maddening, extremes.

And this happened in my own “back yard”. I can drive to the broken down house and look at it: the house in which I was conceived. I can drive to the houses where my father and siblings lived after our mother died. I can drive by the vacant lot where the orphanage used to be. I know where my mother is buried.

I could have had my family. Instead, I was adopted by Christians. Good, loving people who didn’t see the damage being created.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Material Mom To Buy David a Sibling

It's now been confirmed that madonna is arriving back in Malawi to purchase a sibling for David who she was allowed her to have despite Malawian laws against international adoption.

"According to the pop star, she rescued a very ill child who may have otherwise perished, claiming on The Oprah Winfrey Show, he had at thirteen months survived malaria and tuberculosis. His father confirms that that he brought his son to the orphanage because he was unable to care for the sick child after the child’s mother died and there he had apparently gotten the life-saving care he needed prior to Madonna’s “rescue” of him..
"The father, Yohane Banda, reports: “He was one month and seven days old. The orphanage made me sign a letter to show that I was handing him over to their charge, but I suppose deep in my heart I always imag-ined that when he was better, or I had got another wife, I would go and take him back. I did not think anyone would want to take him away.”
"Madonna claimed she was told the boy was abandoned. BBC news reported that she was told no one visited David and that Banda had remarried and gotten on with his life, despite reports that Banda visited his son regularly, cycling the twenty-five miles to the orphanage. In keeping with estimates that 80 percent of children in orphanages worldwide have family who visit and hope to be reunited wit them, Banda stated: “I would bring him food from my garden, then sit and play with him for a while. I wanted him to know that I was his father, that I love him very much. He is my only child still living and I think of him as a gift from God. He is also the best memory I have left of my wife.” Banda told reporters he was surprised and bewildered, but accepted the adoption of his son by what he was told was 'a very nice Christian lady'.
"Malawians take seriously African proverb that “it takes a village to raise a child” thus there is no word for adoption as we know it in the Swahili language. It is common for Africans to send orphaned or impoverished children to live with richer relatives. . . . Unlike in adoptions, the child remains in regular contact with the parents.
"Did the orphanage lie to make money it desperately needed by allowing David’s adoption? Did the father lie about his visits? Did Madonna hear what she wanted to hear? The Centre for Human Rights and Rehabilitation in Malawi expressed concern about the speed and secrecy of the interim adoption and that Yohane did not fully understand that he lost totally custody of his son. Most of all, they were concerned that the eighteen-month required stay in Malawi was not required for Madonna.
"The boy’s uncle and other family members protested David being taken out of the country by a “rich white donor.” The uncle wanted to know how the family would benefit if the adoption went through. “We have seen other parents at the mission who have had their children adopted still living in their poverty. “They have not seen their children—all they see is pictures sent to them. We don’t want that to happen to this family,” he said. In accepting the foreign adoption of his child, his family and village still hope for his return to his culture.
"The Diva said she did nothing anyone else could not have done, despite overriding the eighteen-months-in-country fostering period, and having her new son escorted home in a private jet. Taking children from their culture, without concern for their families’ needs, is done all the time—not just by the rich and famous.
"Banda said that when he met the singer and her husband in court in 2006, when a judge gave the celebrity couple temporary custody of David, he was promised he would be seeing his son occasionally. Yet, in April 2007 when Madonna returned to Malawi to inaugurate her new orphanage in Lilongwe and to promote other phil-anthropic projects, it was reported she didn’t have the time to allow a visit between father and son during her six-day stay. Even after the adoption was finalized in May 2008, there were reports of Banda challenging the adoption on the grounds that the finalization did not contain the agreed upon visits “every three or four years....
"Karen Finley wrote in The Huffington Post of Madonna’s adoption, “Imagine if Madonna’s father could not have supported his children after the death of the mother? And a wealthy African family appeared in Detroit with entourage and took away little five-year-old Ciccone to adopt? Americans, white Americans would go nuts….This Malawi child is leaving his heritage, his people, his language, his family. Yes, he is poor. But now he is also impoverished.…Sounds like colonialism to me….The image of a white, powerful, rich woman and her entourage landing in Africa and selecting a black boy brings America’s history of slavery and the middle passage to mind.” The Stork Market, pp 44-5

David's father is "hoping" to get his son during her upcoming visit. Madonna has made no promises of any visitation between the son she took from his family and his relatives.

The girl, named Mercy James, that Madonna - now a divorced "good Christian woman" - has set her sights on is 3 or 4 years old and like David, her mother also died in childbirth. Like David, Mercy has a father and other family.

According to a recent Huffington Post: "The girl's relatives at first resisted the adoption but have now consented."

Money can do a great deal, can't it, whether it is direct payments to relaitves or her "Raising Malawi" charity that endears her to Malawians and makes them feel OBLIGATED to her.

He said the best interests of the child needed to be taken into account _ whether this was staying in an orphanage in Malawi or getting "an education with Madonna."

What 'education'? That money can buy anything including children? That appearing like a whore on stage is profitable?

Spokesman Dominic Nutt of Save The Children UK asked her to reconsider stating that
many international adoptions are often inappropriate and unnecessary - and some even feed into a criminal 'adoption industry'.... the whole process of international adoptions is often flawed.... barring exceptional circumstances, children should be kept in the care of their extended families or within their communities.

"We believe they are better looked after in their own country as far as is possible," Nutt said. "International adoption can actually exacerbate the problem it hopes to solve." Video available.

The publicity Madonna brings to the subject of the immorality of international adoption, and the high percentage of non-orphans in orphanages, is actually good. Her two adoptions are not atypical. Worldwide 87.8% of children in orphanges are NOT orphans but have at least one living parent. Many people in underdeveloped, impoversihed parts of the world use orphanages for temporary care or for medical care they cannt afford.

In many parts of the world children are stolen or kidnapped, papers and even DNA tests forged, and trafficked for adoption. Well-meaning adopters have wound up unintentionally being recipients of these stolen or kidnapped children.

The money paid by Westerners - $20-$20k and more per child, makes it impossible for locals to compete to adopt children with their own nation.

The really needy kids in orphanages are left behind just as the kids in US and UK foster care are, while baby brokers create "orphans" to meet a demand.

Resources on the truth of international adoption:

1. Child Trafficking by David Smolin. David coned the phrase "child laundering" to describe the network that passes these children through too many hands to trace.

2. Romania for Export Only - describes how numbers and photos are phonied to gain support for orphanages and alleged "unwanted" "orphans"

3. The Lie We Love by E.J.Graff

4. Red Thread or Slender Reed: Deconstructing Prof. Barthelot's
Mythology of International Adoption
by Johanna Oreskovic and Trish Maskew

5. Read what those adopted internationally and or interracially feel as adults:

http://www.transracialabductees.org/index.html and: http://tinyurl.com/5qdjqe

6. The Stork Market: America's Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry

7.Read about the Hemlseys, awarded FamilyPreservation hero Award 2009

8. Read fleasbiting.blogspot.com by Desiree, who was told be her adopted daughters that they were stolen from their mother

9. Meet The Parents: The Dark Side of International Adoption


If anyone knows how to turn the comments back on please write to me at:


I had turned them off and now cannot get them back on again.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Falsified Birth Certificates

birth' certif"icate


an official form recording the birth of a baby and containing pertinent data, as name, sex, date, place, and parents.


The noun BIRTH CERTIFICATE has 1 sense:

1. a copy of the official document giving details of a person's birth

Dictionary: birth certificate

n. An official record of the date and place of a person's birth, usually including the names of the parents.

Familiarity information: BIRTH CERTIFICATE used as a noun is very rare.

I also encourage all to read the wikipedia explanation of birth certificates as a vital record, because
because the Fourteenth Amendment expressly grounds American citizenship upon birth in the United States. [Note the word BIRTH]

When we look at the history of "sealed records" the rationale was to protect the child from the stigma of illegitimacy.

The secondary rationale is the alleged protection of supposed promises ho lost children to adoption. A lie started by the NCFA and too often believed by legislators, as is the lie that opening the records would increase abortions. Neither claim has any substantiation because neither is true.

Those who recognize this as a violation of human rights, discrimination and a legalization of shame, seek to return to the pre-1940's sealing of birth certificates - to a form of adoption that is closer to permanent legal guardianship.

The one singular objection to this suggestion is that adopted people would be "embarrassed" or uncomfortable not sharing the same surname with the parents raising them. This is a time when many women keep their maiden name after marriage and step families with multiple names are prevalent.

Ironically, at the same time we are supposed to be protective of children's alleged embarrassments, and continue to legalize secrets and lies to "protect" mothers...gays are making strides in the recognition of their equality. Their right to marry is being seriously considered and has been made legal in a couple of states and they are battling for the right to adopt.

New York State which recognizes same sex marriage recently placed the name of a lesbian's wife on their child's birth certificate. As a result a federal judge ordered the names of two fathers who adopted a child added to his birth certificate. The child was born in Louisiana and adopted in New York.

It is interesting that lesbians welcome patriarchal laws that recognize the legal spouse as parent; laws enacted to protect rights of inheritance when women did not count at all for that purpose.

It is also interesting that in fighting for their equality and rights, gays and lesbians are equally guilty of dishonoring the rights of the adopted as are heterosexuals.

Children are expected to deal with having two mommies or two daddies in their life - and named as their progenitors on their falsified birth certificate - but are alleged to be uncomfortable with not having the same name as their parents...or having a birth certificate and an adoption certificate.

Let's get real here. We are not living in the 1950's. Laws need to change to reflect social and cultural changes.

COMMENTS welcomed. I have reopened the comment option and will screen and post all ISSUE-ORIENTED, non-attacking comments. Commenters are encouraged to state their agreement or disagreement politely, with RESPECT and courtesy to this blog and others who comment.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Thank you...

Click on the image to see a beautiful collection of wide women's words...

Carly Simon

Lyrics (Carly Simon/Jacob Brackman)

All those crazy nights when I cried myself to sleep
Now melodrama never makes me weep anymore
'Cause I haven't got time for the pain
I haven't got room for the pain
I haven't the need for the pain
Not since I've known you

You showed me how, how to leave myself behind
How to turn down the noise in my mind
Now I haven't got time for the pain
I haven't got room for the pain
I haven't the need for the pain
Not since I've known you

Suffering was the only thing that made me feel I was alive
Though that's just how much it cost to survive in this world
'Til you showed me how, how to fill my heart with love
How to open up and drink in all that white LIGHT
Pouring down from the heaven
I haven't got time for the pain
I haven't got room for the pain
I haven't the need for the pain
Not since I've known you


Thanks to those who wrote with understanding and support....they don't need to be named; they know who they are. Bless you all...

UPDATED 3/28/09:
As for a suggestion I name who upset me and have made spurious or paranoid speculations, let me simply say this. One major upset happened via Facebook and the other happened totally offline.

They were temporary annoyances and upsetting and nothing more. But inasmuch as both incidents were misdirected anger by those who have suffered adoption loss I saw a connection and in an effort to understand, feel compassion, and forgive, I blogged about it. I think it sad that our P.A.S.T. is too often misdirected. Period. End of story. Who upset me is no ones business except mine and theirs. They were each confronted directly and they know who they are.

Again, I am thankful for all the loving, caring support. Some days you just get dumped on.

Namaste: The God/Goddess Spirit (or light) within me recognizes and honors the God/Goddess Spirit (or light) within you.

Monday, March 16, 2009

It's Good to be HEARD!

It is always heartwarming to know that our words are heard and appreciated. WE ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE...if only one person at a time!

I received the following email today from an Jennifer Hemsley, who you may remember I had awarded Family Preservation "Hero of the Year" for 2008. Jennifer was at the same NYC adoption conference as I last week. Her email to me - below - could not have come at a better time then when I was felling so totally burnt out by all the negativity.
An online blog comment (at Origins-USA.org/blog) had jumped to conclusions and was critical of my asking that conference attendees be aware of mothers who lost adoption and out desire to self-identify. So it was especially heartfelkt to receive this email from Jennifer:


It was so good to meet you at the NYC conference.

I'm glad we touched base. Thank you for your support..... I'm not too good at public speaking (but can "do a good email"). Your smile and hand squeeze really meant a lot to me after I left that very unfriendly microphone.

I wanted to express to you that I truly understand the bias against first mothers in the adoption vernacular. Once your eyes are open to it, it is quite shocking at the dismissive attitude towards first families and women in general. I find this particularly true when discussing first families in developing nations (not so ironically "countries of origin"). These women are not breeding machines for adopting parents needs. I now see this as a human rights/women's rights issue. I will continue to speak out for those that cannot as best as I can.

I am networking with others who have similar agendas as mine, and I am pleased to find them around the world, addressing similar trafficking issues in other countries. Although my "heart" and focus right now is in Guatemala, I am deeply concerned about Vietnam, Nepal and Ethiopia.

I have been in touch with ... journalist who is doing an expose on the women of Guatemala. I discussed at length the DNA fraud that is still going on. There is more in the pipeline..... so I'd like to stay in touch. Thank you for that contact and at the same time respecting my privacy by passing the message via PEAR.

Best to you,

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Burn Out

A follow up to the previous post...

Sadly, the adoption reform and family preservation movements are the most back stabbing I have ever been involved in and I have done grassroots volunteerism all of my adult life. I was marginally involved in civil rights in the 50's and 60's, the anti-war movement...and remain a peace activist to this day.

It's night and day. Peace activists are the antithesis of the angry people in adoption who take their anger out on one another.

Last night I heard a very angry poet. His name is Remi Kanazi. He is a Palestinian American. If you read his poems you'll lack the full force of his anger! He is performance poet and he is powered by righteous indignation, especially since the recent Gaza bombings.

There were some in the church last night who did not fully agree with his message or the tone of his presentation. But even those people were all polite and he, respectful of them in turn.

No where else do I witness the vicious attacks against fellow workers that in the paid workplace would be considered creating a hostile work environment, and in any other part of a civilized society would be considered rude. Manners just disappear.

Yes, we've suffered losses that result in anger. But, my God, people have lost their entire families in war get along better than we do.

It wears one down, instead of feeling supported by "co-workers"..."sisters in solidarity" as we should be.

I have work to do. I seek to end unwarranted family separations, exploitation, corruption. I do everything I can and I do it fairly well. My books have been well received which pleases me because this is important work.

Because of the radical nature of my writing, I had expected (anticipated?) hostility from those who want adoption to continue for their profit. I never expected - nor did I ever experience subsequent to the publication of my first book - jalousies and contempt from those who seemingly share my point of view.

Am I saying I have never been critical? Far from it! When I disagree I share my opinions loud and clear and in a direct fashion - allowing for an open debate based on ISSUES - not personal attacks!

The Internet brings out the worst in everyone. It never ceases to amaze me comparing the adoption reform movement pre and post Internet how much more cohesive a NETWORK we were before being linked technologically.

My work is important and I have a goal that I cannot accomplish while being drained by in-fighting, nastiness, etc. I am felling on the verge of another long hiatus from it all...

It is this burn-out - along with the massive drop-out rate, and lack of finances - that causes our movement to stagnate and get nowhere, accomplish paltry few goals.

Sad. As I have also written the internet is a tool. It can be used for good or for evil. It seems to have allowed everyone their own platform and done more to divide than to help us conquer together.

As a final observation....those who commented on my last blog post trolled here on their own. I sent no announcement. I was then, and am now, merely "journalling" my own feelings. But the sharks came and attacked....those who have nothing constructive to do but bite the asses of those who are trying their best to work for mothers and families. Sad, sad, sad...

Thursday, March 12, 2009

P.A.S.T.: Post-Adoption Separation Trauma

P.A.S.T. and uncontrollable anger...

It's real and it cab be toxic. P.A.S.T seems to be prevalent and most OBVIOUS in the form of anger, though of course it can also crete depression and other manifestations.

I have no doubt that it effects others in quite the opposite way and makes some shy and withdrawn, remain in total denial - what me? Adopted? Yeah,but it was for the best and I'm quite happy. Lost a child to adoption? Angry? Of course not.

It makes some perennial victims - doormats, if you will - and has others just believing that they are.

But the most pervasive symptom, or at least the one I witness most often amongst those I come into contact with most often -- adoptees and mothers who lost children to adoption -- who are actively discussing adoption issues...is anger!

It takes several different forms.

There are some blog trollers (whom we've all met!) who go from blog to blog and disagree. No matter what is posted, one in particular, has a very different point of view, and can only express it in the most extreme, contrary and attacking fashion.

If you are for peace, she is for war. If you are against immigration, she is for it. It doesn't seem to matter and follows no pattern of liberalism versus conservatism...her political/religious belief is just contraryism! And she is darn proud of it as well!

Then there are the more scary ones because they catch you off guard. You can know these people for a day or years and things can go along rather smoothly. You have a very civil, kind, respectful dialogue with them for the day or year that you know them and then: POW! BAM! They go BALLISTIC over the most minor thing and cannot control the vile spewing from their mouth and covering you with their UGLY toxic venom....anymore than the little girl in the movie The Exorcist!

And... of course, an apology is no where to be found. In one case recently the perpetrator of this insanity totally denied saying what she said to me, despite it all being in written emails! In another recent case the perpetrator imemdiatwelt became the victim! Neither apologized for their totally INAPPROPRIATE behavior or the very unkind, hurtful things aid to me when they went into their rage.

Now, I have anger too! Oh yes indeed. No doubt about it. I have written about channeling anger constructively in activism. Yet, there have been times when I felt out of control and controlled by my anger. BUT, I have always experienced extreme embarrassment when I have "lost it" in anger. Even when justified and having exploded on one of those real live yet very robotic people on the telephone who repeats the same script over and over instead of answering your question! I blow up, get sarcastic...even slam the phone down. But I feel like and ASS after I do, and if I have done so to anyone I know -- and not just a passing car on the highway - I APOLOGIZE! But, that's me.
I also am self aware enough to know, that while everyone has these moments, and that there is a great deal in our high-speed world to add to our frustration...I know that underneath it all are my adoption issue "triggers."

I know it is an "You know you are separated by adoption when..." moment!

My triggers are:

- feeling pressured, rushed, gotta make a decision right now with no time to think (like some car salesman do to you!)

- needing to "right" and hating to be "wrong" - thus engaging in being arguments way too long and unable to just end it, walk away, hit delete...

- feeling ignored, invisible and unheard (probably why I speak loud and fast - and this one may have it source in my parentage and precede my loss to adoption)

- taking things too personally and getting my feelings hurt

- I identify with underdogs; discrimination and social injustices upset me.

- very innocuous comments like: "I can make you laugh" elicits the thought that no one can MAKE me do anything!

It is cathartic to discuss our triggers, and even to be able to laugh at them. But it is seriously important that we learn to recognize and gain some level of control over the way we react, lest we sabotage all of our relationships with family, friends and lovers as well as our job, career and our whole life!

In the past two weeks, I was exposed to toxic venom by an adoptee and a natural mother. One I had just "met" on the internet but had had a half dozen or so pleasant, respectful emails back and forth as she told me of her reunion. I was supportive and courteous to this stranger. And then: BAM! I made an error and instead of simply pointing it out and asking me to correct it, she went totally psycho on me, spewing four letter words and saying very hurtful things.
The second incident involved a mother I have known as a highly respected colleague for a couple of years.

I understand the root of their anger has nothing to do with me or anything I did or aid, or didn't do or say. I understand and have compassion and forgiveness, though it sure would be nice to get an apology, certainly if there is to be any contnued interactions.

But therein lies the rub. People who are out of control and have not begun any self-introspecton as to the cuase nd ffect of their actons and behavir... people who are often not evcenaware of what tey are saying, also are often one in the same people who are incapable of apologizing because they see an apology as an admission of guilt. It is not!

If you step on someone's toes - ACCIDENTLY - most people in polite society say: "I'm sorry." You are sorry that you ACCIDENTALLY may have hurt the person. You are not admitting that you did it intentionally. there is nothing inherent in an apology that implies that.

Yet another way you know you suffer form P.A.S.T. is if you have an inability to accept, or "own" anything you have done. If you are always on the defense; always feel you are being "blamed" for things you didn't do. Often feel like the victim of others "abuse" when someone is simply expressing their own feelings. And so it goes round and round...

Carole Anderson, may she rest in peace, used to call us "the walking wounded."

We are, but we cannot let it rule our lives and it does not excuse rude behavior! We need to GROW UP and take back control of our lives and our actions. Link
It may be UNDERSTANDABLE but that doesn't make it acceptable or excusable!

Join the discussion - which has 96 members so far! Share your experiences at: "You know you are separated by adoption when..." Hopefully it will be fun, cathartic and enlightening to those who think adoption is a win-win.

And...if you're having a bd day,week, year or life....having a pity-party or wallowing in it...watch this:


RussiaToday Apr 29, 2010 on Russian Adoption Freeze

Russi Today: America television Interview 4/16/10 Regarding the Return of Artyem, 7, to Russia alone

RT: Russia-America TV Interview 3/10

Korean Birthmothers Protest to End Adoption

Motherhood, Adoption, Surrender, & Loss

Who Am I?

Bitter Winds

Adoption and Truth Video

Adoption Truth

Birthparents Never Forget