Adoptive Mother Insulted and Feeling Left Out...

I know that most people have not yet been able to see Mother and Child. I was fortunate to see a preview and I reviewed it here and I eagerly await more people seeing it so we can discuss it.

However, even not having seen the film, we could discuss the Salon blog post,Why "Mother and Child" insults parents like me: As an adoptive mom, I found Rodrigo Garcia's film beautifully acted -- and totally one-sided by Sarah Coleman, especially since the comments are closed at that site.

And, we can discuss the emotional reaction because it is an echo of the feedback we heard to the December '09 ABC mini series,"Find My Family"....feedback in which many adoptive parents expressed feeling "left out" of stories of reunion.

A discussion like this can get very heated (just saw that yesterday on Facebook!) so I want to alert all of the rules of this blog and good manners in general.

So remember:

• lots of deep breaths, re-read what you are commenting to 

• no name calling, no broad brush "all" statements

• make sure you are not taking something personally that was not directed at you personally

• we each a right to our unique opinion and and point of view, not everyone has to - or will - agree

• re-read your comment before posting it...because

• inflammatory, insulting, viral, or BAITING comments will not be posted...  

 A sampling of comments from the first 3 of 10 pages of comments: 

"Beautiful --you almost speak for me..."

"It's not about you"

"Who's film is it anyway?"

"why look to the media for validation?"

"The age of Narcissism has reached its apex when a so-called professional writer demands that that a fiction film be about her."

In one comment, Sarah Coleman, the author who writes about film, photography, books and pop culture. Her work has appeared in New York Newsday, the San Francisco Chronicle, the Independent Film & Video Monthly, and the Boston Phoenix..is called a cry-baby.

"Why All the Anger?"

"The myth of true motherhood. It has a built-in superpower, which is to make everyone who deviates from it in any way at all feel like total shit. Perhaps when one is an educated, married, financially secure and personally fulfilled woman who has given birth naturally and vaginally to 2.5 genetic masterpieces before her 32nd birthday, it is hard to understand how relentlessly our culture punishes all failure, intentional or unintentional, to comply with this model."  [Violins please]

"The reason people are reacting strongly to this article is that the writer genuinely seems to believe that she's entitled to censor any depiction of adoption that doesn't make her feel good. It's really bizarre in its total self-absorption. No one is allowed to discuss the possibility that sometimes, adoptions aren't blissful, and sometimes people don't really care that much for their adoptive parents -- just as sometimes people don't care that much for their biological parents. No, the adoptive mother should have been front and center in that movie, or else it's a personal affront to her...."

"An adoptee chimes in: how often do you ever stop to talk to happy, healthy adoptees about their experiences? Believe me--every happy and successful adoptee I know, and every happy and successful adoptive parent I know (and I do know quite a few) feels that the narrative has become entirely negative. Adoption is doomed to failure because "something will always be missing." Adoptive children spend their lives in agony, unable to connect, because their adoptive parents couldn't love them. Biological parents were coerced, or didn't understand their rights, and at this very moment are weeping in agony that their beloved child was torn from their bosom. That these situations are real and do occur is, unfortunately, quite true...."

"Ignorance abounds. Most people have only myths and stereotypes about adoption filling up their heads, especially profoundly negative ones, and I don't think there's anything wrong with a writer calling out an apparently egregious example of such myths/stereotypes in film."