Saturday, August 30, 2008

The Kid

The KID:
A Legacy

an original screenplay by Mirah Riben©

Scene 1:
Urban neighborhood on the decline. Kids shooting hoops in the schoolyard.
Camera goes through the door of a boarded up building and up some stairs.
Inside are runaway and throw-away punk ass, drop-out kids.
Some are coupled and making out on a mattress on th floor. Some are preparing and using drugs.
Soundtrack: Paradise City, Guns and Roses

A Korean kid, sporting a tattoo that reads ABDUCTEE: "Hey, did ya' hear that Black dude, Osama somethin', may be president?"

Girl in fishnets and miniskirt, about 12-14, chewing gum: "It's Obama you dork."

Korean kid: "You're pretty smart some for a crack whore, ya' know."
Guy approaches, then a closeup reveals its a very tough-looking lesbian. Puts his arm around fishnet girl and says: "Leave her alone."

The Kid, a sexually androgynous, Goth 18-year-old – many piercings – spiked hair (played by Devon Alan)

Replying to the presidential talk: "So what? Who cares? Not like it's gonna change MY life?"

Sirens. Car door slamming. Kids try to scatter.
Enter cops who arrest The Kid.

Kid: "What the fuck did I do this time?"
They take him out tin handcuffs reading him his Miranda rights.

Scene 2: Police station. Interrogation
Soundtrack: I Fought the Law and the Law Won, Green Day

Kid insists: “I didn’t do it”.
“Do you want to call anyone, Skye?”
“Don’t call me Skye.”
“Isn’t that your name?”
“Dunno. Most just call me Kid.”
“Do you want to call anyone?”
“No one to call.”

Scene 3: (Flashback. Dusk.)
Soundtrack: Chain Gang, Sam Cook

A young Mother named (played by leaves her car 1989 car and enters a day care center. She blows a wisp of hair out of her face with air of exhaustion.

Day care worker, handing the ruffled Mom an infant: “Hard day at the office?”
June: “No different from any other day. Single motherhood sucks! I don’t have a minute for myself. I feel so guilty having to work but what else can I do?”
Day care worker, jokingly: “Marry rich?”

Scene 4: (Current time) A thirty something woman, June (played by Calista Flockhart), at a friend's baby shower.
Soundtrack: Little Green, Joni Mitchell

Gifts are opened to oos and ahs.
Party guest to June: "I can't believe I'm turning 30. How old are you?"
June: "36 next month."
Party guest: "An' no kids yet?"
June runs out wiping her eyes.

Scene 5:
A tree-lined street, upper middle class.
Soundtrack: Another Day In Paradise, Phil Collins.

Mother (played by Goldie Hawn) is at the table with new husband (thin, about 35, glasses) and baby in a highchair screaming and tossing food and, dish spoon on the floor. In the background, a TV is reporting about the Clinton Flowers affair (1992).

Step-Dad (played by Ryan Stiles) to Mother: “Look, I don’t need to put up with this crap. I have a God damned headache! Shut that kid up! I married you. Not that brat! I can’t take this crap.”
Mother: “I know. I know, Jerry. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

Scene 6: Mother seeing a divorce attorney. Asking how much child support she can get.

Scene 7: June and her husband (payed by Neil Patrick Harris) engaged in a dinner conversation in their simple apartment - Ikea meets Pier One - with a guitar hung on the wall; track trophies on the bookcase shelf.
Soundtrack: I Haven't Got Time for The Pain, Carly Simon

June: “It happened again today.”
Paulie: “What happened?
June: “You know. THE question.”
Paulie: “Huh?”
June: “Oh damn it. You never listen!” She slams down dinner and leaves the room.
Paulie: “What’s wrong, Juno?”

From the other room: “And please stop calling me Juno, Paulie Bleeker. You know damn well that I changed my name to June so I wouldn’t have to keep answering the other stupid questions people always ask – Was I born or conceived in Alaska? Jeez!” Shaking her head in disgust.

Scene 8: Upscale neighborhood. Large estate-type lots. Large brick "executive" home beyond a gate and curved driveway. Same Mother (Goldie Hawn), 10 years older, being berated by her new husband, a large man about 50 (played by Brad Garrett). TV news commentator discussing the recent terrorist attacks on the world trade center and The Pentagon (2001).
Soundtrack: Jaded, Aerosmith.

Husband #2: “He isn’t even YOUR brat! I just don’t understand why we need this in our lives…especially now that we have one of our own!”

Mother: “Bernard, I know that as well as you do, but what can we do? It’s not as if we can just return him, ya’ know.”
Adolescent, peers from upstairs overhears.

Scene 9: Starbucks type location. June is having a latte with a friend:
Soundtrack: Some new age instrumental or Alicia Keyes

June: “I can’t take it anymore. Paulie acts like nothing ever happened. Like we didn’t give away our own baby. I’m the one who went through nine months of puking and shit...and I’m the one who now has to constantly be asked ‘So, do you guys have any kids?’

"In high school I was a celebrity - but out here in the real world not everyone thinks it's so cool to give your kid away.”

Scene 10: The young teen who overheard is on a cell phone as he packs a backpack.
Soundtrack: She's Leaving Home, The Beatles

“I’m outta here. You can either come with or not, dude.”
Pause as he listens.
“Yeah. Bernard, the fat pig. I'm cuttin' loose before he lays his fat clamming paws on me again.” Pause.
“Oh you know the same old crap all her other husbands said. ’Cept this time the truth slipped out. I’m a reject. Something they bought and don’t want anymore - never did. My whole damn crappy fuckin' life is a lie. I don’t even know who I am.”

Scene 11: Police interrogation.
Soundtrack: Who Are You, The Who

Kid: “I told ya before and I’ll tell ya again: I didn’t do it!”
Cop: “We have evidence to the contrary. This is serious, son”
Kid: “Don’t call me son. I’m nobody’s son.”
Cop: “There’s lots of blood evidence. This is serious. Did ya see the sign on the door? It says Homicide Division. They can fry ya or this. First degree murder is no joke.”
Kid: "I ain't laughin'. None o' my friggin life's been a joke."

Scene 12: June on the phone.
Soundtrack: Love Stinks, J. Geils Band

June: “Yes, I love Paulie, Dad. I always did and I always will. And things are really good. But there’s always this one big elephant in the room always between us. How could I expect him to feel the same way about it I do when I had no idea it would bother me this much?”

June, almost screaming through clenched teeth: “No, Dad. It-is-NOT-going-to-get-better-with= time! It hasn’t and it never will! No one warned me. I just can’t even look at him anymore without feeling that he abandoned me and our kid.”

Scene 13: Police headquarters.
Soundtrack: something by Marilyn Manson

Cop: “If you didn’t do it, how do you explain the blood on your clothes?”

Kid: “I like blood. Don’t you? Doesn’t everyone? It’s the essence of life – DNA…ya’ know…one letter away from DNR.”

There are discussions between the cops and DA of whether to charge The Kid as an adult or a minor; and where to send The Kid for lockup for protection and because of his/her gender confusion and refusal to be labeled any one gender. Also mentioned is calling in a shrink.

Scene 14: June and her father in his basement “rec room”.
Soundtrack: Papa Don't Preach, Madonna

June: “Yeah, I’m still leaving even though the test came back positive. Paulie’s sweet, but he just never grew up and I don’t think he wants this kid anymore than he did the first. I'd rather raise it alone.”

Scene 15: The Kid meets his court appointed attorney. Kid has a black swollen eye and a fat lip.
Soundtrack: I Shot The Sheriff, Bob Marley

Attny: “I've been consulting with this doctor who specializes in cases like this. I think he can help us. Dr. David Kirschner says this is a classic case of Adopted Child Syndrome. It’s not uncommon for your anger to be taken out on your parents. He’s helped other kids in your situation.”

Kid: “I didn’t do it and I'm not coppin' no insanity plea.”

Scene 16: Dr K (played by Tommy Lee Jones)* and The Kid in jail while he awaits trial.
Soundtrack: Crazy, by Willie Nelson

Dr K: “You understand the charges against you? Two counts of murder is very serious. I’m trying to help you.”

Kid: “Listen. I can read. I read that stuff my attorney gave me that you wrote and I'm no Son of Sam…or Hillside Strangler. I mean, yeah, I tortured some cats when I was younger. So what? I’m vegan now and probably more of a...a...what's his name? Marty from Long island...

Dr. K: "Tankleff"

"Yeah, that guy. More like him than like any of those other guys. And you think he's guilty too? So get outta here with your theories about adoption. Who cares? Ya' think a jury would care, even if I did it which I didn't? They'd just see me as just one more ungrateful bastard! Benn called that enough! I should have been aborted and save everyone the trouble.”

Scene 17: June, with two friends – one male one female – in a natural childbirth class.
Soundtrack: The Beat Goes On, Sonny and Cher (or Oops, I Did It Again)

June pats her pregnant belly and says: “This one’s a keeper for sure. Boy, I can’t believe how naive I was…believing all that crap that I’d forget.”

Scene 18:
Dr. K with The Kid in jail.
Soundtrack: Still Crazy After All These Years, Paul Simon

“I would like to help you find your biological parents.”

Kid: “Don’t bother. They never gave a f*ck about me. All they did was abandon me to the bitch who bought me! I have no parents – never did! I was hatched - created like a monster and the bought and sold like a used car in a Pennysaver, but never wanted.”

Scene 19: Dr K meets The Mother’s biological child, a teen-aged well-dressed, “valley girl.”
Soundtrack: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun! Cyndi Lauper

“The Kid’s like too weird!" she says rolling her eyes. "And his friends! Yuch! They don’t even like bathe! Besides, he like ran away and he’s like not even her real kid… No biggie. It’s not like he was ever gonna get anything in her will anyhow.”

Scene 20: June to Dr K, her eyes wide with shock: “You’re shittin’ me, right? This is the ‘better life’?” She’s crying, hysterically. “This is why I gave him to her? This is the "better life"? Oh my God! I can’t believe it. I always dreamed of him going to college, becoming something… having things I couldn’t give him…not this!”

She grabs her belly and looks down at a puddle of blood.
June, screams: “Oh my God! It’s too early. I’m not due for another three months.”

Scene 21: Doctors in the hospital at June’s bedside.
Soundtrack: When I Lost My Baby (I Almost Lost My Mind) Ivory Joe Hunter

Dr: “I’m so sorry Mrs. Bleeker. We did everything we could. The baby would have sever brain damage had he lived.”

June: Sobbing, wiping her eyes.

Dr: “You’re actually lucky we were able to save you. It was touch and go. But, my dear, we had to remove your uterus.”

June: “What are you saying? I can never have another her baby?”

Dr. “I’m sorry.”

Her best friend is there and says to her: “June, you can always….adopt.”

June: “Don’t even…! Do you think I could inflict this much pain on another human being?”

She sobs. Then says: “God is punishing me for giving away my firstborn.”
It's starts to snow.

Scene 22: June on the phone to Dr. K: “I don’t know. I just don’t know.” She sobs.

“How can I face him after what I did – giving him away? What could I say?”

“I’m sorry. I just don’t think I can. Not now. Not seeing him like this – in jail….knowing it’s all my fault.”

Scene 23: Dr. K. reports this to The Kid in jail.
Dr. K. "Give her time."
Kid: “Who cares?”

Scene 24: Season changes. Trees are blooming. June is back in shape, mentally and physically, as she enters the prison for the reunion with her only child.

Guard: “Relationship to the prisoner.”
June pauses...then chokingly says: "I'm's my son.”

Scene 25: Kid's attorneys’ office.

Attorney on the phone: “All the charges are dropped, are you sure?
“The ‘real killers’ confessed and the DA has withdrawn the charges? That's great news!”

Scene 26: June is told to wait in a visitors room while they go and get The Kid.

Scene 27: Guards running and screaming for an ambulance.
Soundtrack: Dying. Courtney Love and Hole

They are taking The Kid down from where he is hanging in his cell.

Scene 28: Dr. K is meeting with Paulie. They're shaking hands and talking, though audience cannot hear conversation.
Soundtrack: All Apologies, Kurt Cobain
Paulie's head goes down into his hands - he's sobbing.

Scene 29:
The Kid has been taken down and put on a gurney and wheeled out to an ambulance with sirens blaring. June jumps in her car and follows ambulance, sirens blaring off into the dust....
Soundtrack: Knocking on Heaven's Door, Avril Lavigne


The End.

Copyrighted Mirah Riben, 8/2008 ©

* Sorry, David. Sean Connery was booked.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Could it be any clearer?

I am constantly called upon to defend words like "corrupt" exploitaion, coercion, trafficking and even industry and phrases like "supply and demand" regards to adoption by those who want to continue to see the world through rose-colored glasses and want to beleive that adoption rescues "unwanted" chidlren."

Could anything saying it clearer than this?

Nepal urged to focus on child rights in adoption
Fri Aug 29, 2008 7:02pm IST

By Gopal Sharma

KATHMANDU (Reuters) - The sale, abduction and trafficking of children is rife in Nepal and the government should do more to encourage adoption by domestic families, a U.N. study released on Friday said.

Nepal suspended adoption of its children by foreign families last year amid criticism that the practice involved corruption and some children were being sold for thousands of dollars.

But the government cleared most of the 442 pending applications for adoption early this year after preparing a new set of rules for foreigners wanting to adopt Nepali children, officials said.

The United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF) and a Swiss child relief agency, Terre des hommes (Tdh), said in a report only four out of every 100 adopted children were adopted by Nepali families. Many were not orphaned and were separated from their families.

"An industry has grown up around adoption in which profit rather than the best interests of the child takes the centre stage," said Gillian Mellsop, chief of UNICEF in Nepal.

"Appropriate legal safeguards and a functioning alternative care to parental care can prevent abuse and allow intercountry adoption to continue for those who need it."

Prakash Kumar Adhikary, a senior official in the Nepali Ministry of Women, Children and Social Welfare, said the Himalayan republic was trying to prepare comprehensive new laws in line with international conventions on adoption, and until then new requests from foreign families would not be considered.

"The existing rules are not comprehensive enough and we must create necessary legal and other infrastructure before accepting new requests," Adhikary said.

Joseph Aguettant, Nepal chief of Tdh, said the government should play a key role in adoption, which must not be left to the orphanages or other centres alone.

"Biological parents are often misled," he said. "Parents were led to believe that the child will return to them. But this is not the case."

Families from the United States and western Europe are increasingly turning to countries such Nepal for adoption.

Activists said hundreds of children from Nepal, among the world's poorest countries, have been adopted by foreign families in recent years.


Sadly, Nepal is NOT the exception! A "racket" stealing and selling children for adoption in India has recently come to light...despite the long, hard work of David Smolin in reporting this. These countries are just the newest additions to the long list of countries exploited, as the vulture baby brokers follow poverty and social upheaval around the globe starting in Asia, to eastern Europe, South America, now back to southern Asia and Africa...with Ethiopia being the newest adoption marketplace.

The Hague is helping. According the most recent update (August 28th) from the U.S. State Department, the following agencies have bee DENIED accreditation:

Berthoud, CO
April 2008
Colorado DHS

Adoption Blessings Worldwide
Macon, GA
April 2008

Adoption From the Heart
Wynnewood, PA
May 2008

Adopt International
Miami Beach, FL
May 2008

Angel’s Haven Outreach
Indio, CA
May 2008

Celebrate Children
Oviedo, FL
May 2008

Children's House International
Ferndale, WA
May 2008

Children's Hope International
St. Louis, MO
July 2008

Commonwealth Adoptions International Inc.
Tuscon, AZ
May 2008

Cradle of Hope Adoption Center
Silver Springs Maryland
May 2008

DeColores Adoptions International
Lake Charles, LA
May 2008

Florida Home Studies and Adoptions
arasota, FL
May 2008

Focus on Children dba Focus on
Children of Wyoming
Cokeville, WY
May 2008

Las Estrellas
dba Adoption Partners
Simpsonville, SC
March 2008

Plan Loving Adoptions Now
McMinnville, OR
June 2008

West Sands Adoption
St. George, Utah
July 2008

World Partners Adoption
Lawrenceville, GA
June 2008

Worldwide Adoption Services
Spartanburg, SC
June 2008

But we need to do MORE!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


Albert Camus (November 7, 1913January 4, 1960) was an Algerian-born French author, philosopher, and journalist who won the Nobel prize in 1957. He is often associated with existentialism, but Camus refused this label. On the other hand, as he wrote in his essay The Rebel, his whole life was devoted to opposing the philosophy of nihilism.

Camus preferred preferred persons over ideas, and thus preferred to be known as a man and a thinker, rather than as a member of a school or ideology.

MaryAnne Cohen who studied his works in college, shared the following quote from Camus' "The Plague" after reading my post entitled "Spitting int he Wind."

MaryAnne says: " I don't collect quotes but have always loved this one. It is a bit convoluted, I suspect because translated from the French, but the ideas come through."

"None the less, he knew the tale he had to tell could not be one of
final victory. It could only be the record of what had had to be done,
and what assuredly would have to be done again in the never ending fight
against terror and its relentless onslaughts, despite their personal
afflictions, by all who, while unable to be saints but refusing to bow
down to pestilences, strive their utmost to be healers."
Albert Camus
Final victory! Nothing ambiguous about that. In a never-ending fight, victory is what has to be done and done again and again...refusing to bow down.

I have not read "The Plague" but reading about it, it seems Camus' concepts of the reality of impending death and suffering, are very comparable to Buddhist beleifs.

Thank you MaryAnne for this final word on dealing with the difficult struggles in our lives, that at times seem impossible. Resigning to the impossibility can so easily makes it so.

Monday, August 25, 2008

A Woman Worth Listening To...

With grace and poise comparable only to Jackie Kennedy...Michelle Obama spoke of a speech Barack made years ago in Chicago:
"He talked about 'The world as it is' and 'The world as it should be.' And he said that all too often, we accept the distance between the two, and settle for the world as it is — even when it doesn't reflect our values and aspirations. But he reminded us that we know what our world should look like. We know what fairness and justice and opportunity look like. And he urged us to believe in ourselves — to find the strength within ourselves to strive for the world as it should be."
Michelle told us to: Listen to our hopes instead of our fears... Stop doubting, start dreaming, etc.

My hopes and dreams are of a world in which every child is a wanted child and every mother and father have all they need to provide for the health and safety of their children.

I dream of a world in which everyone knows their genetic heritage and to deny anyone that is a criminal offense because it violates their human rights.

I dream of a world where no human being needs to sell or rent any part of their reproduction genetic material for money.
I dream of a world without exploitation and coercion; with enough food and resources to go around; and all living in peace, love and harmony. A world without hate and violence.

Could the Obamas be the Kennedy's BACK IN BLACK...bringing back hope?

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Spitting in the Wind?

One should not mistake comfort in the familiarity of the status quo with its being the most beneficial condition. Richard Garlikov

I have written for some years now about - for me - the healing catharsis of activism.

I have long "enjoyed" the comfort of knowing I am not alone in my feelings of loss and grief in regards to my adoption loss. But I needed more.

I found my activist writing and speaking out against the injustices of unwarranted and unnecessary family separations - as well as the profiteering from child redistribution - gratifying in providing a necessary channel for my anger at it all.

Having twice lost my eldest daughter, having no family of origins or significant life partner for support, and with a family tree littered with suicide and serious is far too easy for me to fall prey to a like demise. My life is a daily struggle not to yield to feelings of despair at the dead end of the relationship with my daughter, and the guilt that I did not prevent it. I struggle not to fall victim to these triggers of genetic dispositions.

I cannot undo the past, but I do have options regarding my present and the future.

And so I write...and I fight as best I can against "the system."

A recent off-hand comment by a colleague set off a downhill chain of events. Someone used the phrase "spitting in the wind" regarding an attempt at activism.

While I have long scoffed at initial reaction was anger. (I find my underlying anger at adoption loss makes me quick to anger.) But this hit somewhere in my gut and I have had difficulty shaking it.

I began living in my head more than living in real time and reality and examining not merely the one thing that the remark was aimed at, but all of activism...and thus my entire adult life!

Has my life been just a matter of "spitting in the wind"? Is all adoption activism a waste of time because it is futile and will never change anything? I recognized why many are opposed to becoming involved in activism - because of this very feeling of futility it creates.

After all, so few states have opened their records in the past 40 years - since my own personal connection to adoption occurred. Despite all efforts to stop immoral so-called "safe haven" child dumping grounds...the last state, Nebraska, actually expanded the definition, allowing the dumping of chidlren as old as 18!

Why bother?

As I questioned what I/we do...I was drawn to an image in my head of Sisyphus doomed to pushing a boulder uphill. Wasteless, pointless use of time and energy was the worst punishment the gods could conceive of for this mortal who had tricked them.

In the realm of the dead, Sisyphus is forced to roll a block of stone against a steep hill, which tumbles back down when he reaches the top. Then the whole process starts again, lasting all eternity.

It was intended to be the most horrific punishment not only because it was difficult labor, but because it was frustratingly futile, unrewarding, repetitive labor. The toil of Sisyphus is a metaphor for all difficult and repetitive labor that is frustrating and unrewarding.

Frustrating and unrewarding indeed describes my life's work in adoption. But because it feels that way doing it...does that make it so?

The 1957 Nobel laureate for literature Albert Camus wrote in a brief essay "The Myth of Sisyphus" (1940) that Sisyphus' fate and his endless toil is not futile.

Camus says: "If the descent [i.e., Sisyphus' returning to the bottom of the mountain to start pushing the rock upward all over again] is sometimes performed in sorrow, it can also take place in joy." And "The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy."

I find this but incompressible and also of little value. Although I take occasional pride in some things I or others have done, I do not do what I do for the pleasure of doing it. If there is no valid result - why do it? Why spit in the wind?

While contemplating this, I found the writings of a philosophical counselor named Richard Garlikov. I found value in his take on Sisyphus. I hope that you do as well:
Making someone happy or providing solace for someone in despair, even if it is only temporary is still a worthwhile act…. Even if all we do in the lifetime of civilization collapses into a universal blackhole or relative pinpoint of incredibly dense mass, our accomplishments are what they were, even if they do not remain in the memory of an omniscient God but dissolve entirely into the metaphysics of empty time. That something happened and meant anything at all is important, regardless of how long it lasts….
… if we once again look at what is in some sense metaphysically important, it is important in life that we try to do what is right, not just that we succeed. We cannot control our destiny, but we can control our deserts, and we do that by always trying to do what is right and what is best. Attempts may be futile, but making the attempt is never futile, for it determines and simultaneously rewards our character….
… Not all work is noble. What is noble is to be striving toward the best we can accomplish, not toward just any accomplishment for its own sake….

In another essay,
Garlikov who provides analysis and resolution of conflicts and disputes, using a philosophical approach, states:
I would argue that happiness also stems from the pursuit of excellence or of desirable (not just desired) ends, even when the pursuit fails to achieve whatever is sought. Psychologically, there is something about the pursuit of the good that gets one's focus off just one's "self", particularly one's more petty or mundane concerns, and onto an ideal "outside" one's self that is, in some sense, more universal and more important, more satisfying and more uplifting --something transcendent.

(Most of Garlikov's writings are offered free of charge on his website.)

And who knows? Since unlike Sisyphus we are neither mythological or metaphorical figures nor are we dead yet...nor doomed by any God...

Perhaps than there is the possibility that we might just reach the summit someday!

This illustration shows a clear distinction between the lone work of Sisyphus and what is possible when we join together! None of us are as powerful as all of us!

The reason the spitting comment had such an impact was because it had not come from an "outsider" but from one with whom I worked shoulder to shoulder, pushing that boulder.

I, however, chose to see my life (and that of the life of adoption activism) not as futile, but as a success according to the following two definitions:
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. Booker T. Washington

To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by
a healthy child, a garden patch
or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived;
This is to have succeeded.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I like to believe that the work I and other adoption activists are doing will leave the world a better place , even if we do not see results -"the redeemed social condition" - in our lifetime.

I thus offer my spittle to the wind...and to the earth and the sea...

I offer my spittle and my sweat, my tears, my words and voice...because it is all I have to give. If I were a coke-eyed optimist I might even imagine that a drop of my spit watering a seed that might grow into a beautiful flower or mighty oak someday.

Who knows? Regardless, I give it all. How it is received is out of my control and I will not cease because of fear it will not be received well. If we were to act only when assured our actions were to be acceptable, we'd never love or care for children or the informed.

Doing what it is in your heart and soul to do are its own reward. Or as Garlikov points out:
Aristotle had it close to correct when he said that happiness was not in the mere having of possessions nor of reputation or power, though those were useful, but that it is "an activity of the soul in conformity with excellence.
This -- and the support of others who are like-minded -- are two very critical factors that Sisyphus was denied (making his life a living hell) but available for us to freely chose!

Saturday, August 23, 2008


This is the kind of thing you read and then look again to see if it's April fools day or of this is a spoof The Onion. Gives new meaning to Garbage Pail Kids.

Neb. 'safe-haven' law allows abandonment of teens

OMAHA, Neb. (AP) — Nebraska's new "safe-haven" law allowing parents to abandon unwanted children at hospitals with no questions asked is unique in a significant way: It goes beyond babies and potentially permits the abandonment of anyone under 19.

While lawmakers may not have intended it, the month-old law raises the possibility that frustrated parents could drop off misbehaving teens or even severely disabled older children with impunity.

"Whether the kid is disabled or unruly or just being a hormonal teenager, the state is saying: 'Hey, we have a really easy option for you,'" said Adam Pertman, executive director of a New York adoption institute and a frequent critic of safe-haven laws.

Nebraska's approach is surprising because it is the last state in the nation to adopt a safe-haven law.

But instead of following the lead of other states, which focus on the abandonment of newborns, lawmakers here wanted to extend the protection to all minors. And in Nebraska, that goes all the way up to age 19.

"All children deserve our protection," said Sen. Tom White, who helped broaden the measure. "If we save one child from being abused, it's well, well worth it."

So, it was no accident! The Dude is serious!

White said it doesn't matter if that child is an infant or three years old or in the care of a parent or baby sitter. As for what constitutes a minor, he refers to common law, which interprets it to be anyone under age 14.

State Sen. Arnie Stuthman, who introduced the original bill dealing only with infants, agreed to the compromise after the bill became stalled in debate.

"The main interest I have is that it gives the mother or a parent another option of what to do with a child before they do something drastic," he said.

But it also allows babysitters to do the same with someone else's child?!?

The measure, which took effect July 18, does not absolve people of possible criminal charges — for example, if a child had been beaten.

How do they know - when the abandonment is anonymous?

And since the law does not specify, it technically allows anyone, not just a parent, to legally surrender custody. Most other states narrowly define the role of the person surrendering the child.


Some hospitals have fielded questions from the public about the law, but no children have been dropped off.

"I hope there never is one," Stuthman said.

Pertman, who directs the New York-based Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, said his research going back several years shows safe-haven laws are not accomplishing what they intended. Women who are distressed enough to want to abandon their children are not the ones reading billboards or getting the message about these laws, he said.

Pertman finds Nebraska's law particularly alarming because it is not focused on infants and parents.

Casting such a wide net "circumvents every rational practice in child welfare that I'm aware of," he said. "That's as nicely as I can put it."

California, for example, allows parents to legally abandon a child at a hospital or other designated safe zones within 72 hours of birth.

The brevity of the law could trigger litigation over its meaning, said Jonathan Turley, a George Washington University law professor.

"This law is obviously written in almost skeletal form," he said. "Drafters will sometimes try to say as little as possible so they don't create ambiguity, but drafters here succeeded in writing the law in such a limited fashion that the entire provision is ambiguous."

Nebraska lawmakers acknowledge the courts will have to sort out the details, and they have said they are open to revisiting the legislation if necessary.

The Nebraska Hospital Association has been working to help its 85 member hospitals statewide establish procedures for dealing with abandonment cases.

Sen. Ernie Chambers, who voted against the law, said he would prefer to address the reasons that parents abandon their children rather than offer them safe haven.

"I don't think such laws are wise," he said.

Kathy Bigsby Moore, executive director of the child advocacy group Voices for Children in Nebraska, said she also worries how the law might affect adoption rates.

"The sad thing is we have plenty of other mechanisms for people to use," she said. "I'm not sure the safe-haven law is really going to help in a majority of cases."

Thank you Adam for being the lone beacon of reason against this INSANITY! We have truly become a totally DISPOSABLE culture.

Although, of course, foster care always existed for unwanted kid sof any age.

In the 80's, while parenting, I was a certified foster parent and requested teens cause I identified with and could reach troubled teens. One of the teens they sent me was a throw-away whose adoptive parents had divorced and "mom" "couldn't handle" his getting in trouble in school. She used to throw it up in his face all the time that eh should find his "real" parents. But, then, when he came to live with me and I tried to help him search - she refused to help us.

Friday, August 22, 2008


When does it end?

How many more will it take???

How long will we continue to turn a blind eye to the worldwide MARKETING and TRAFFIKING in human life?

How much longer will we IGNORE The exploitation of the poor and the commodification of their chidlren to meet a DEMAND!??

All the while singing the praises of adoption as a 'win-win" rescue of homeless chidlren...even encouraging adoption with tax benefits?!

How much longer will we play this pretense?!
How much longer will we allow those who PROFIT in the redistribution of children and the DESTRUCTION of FAMILIES to continue?!

This is NOT just a problem of third world countries!!!

Gladney Center of Fort Worth is PROUD of its MARKETING CAMPAIGN!

Gladney Center for Adoption Announces New Marketing Campaign and Updated Website

Last update: 11:51 a.m. EDT Aug. 21, 2008

FORT WORTH, Texas, Aug 21, 2008 /PRNewswire via COMTEX/ -- FORT WORTH, Texas, Aug. 21 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ -- The Gladney Center for Adoption has recently unveiled a new marketing campaign as well re-launched Gladney's updated website.

The Birth Parent and Adoptive Parent Campaigns have a new look with the development of new marketing creative materials. Gladney's new Birth Parent campaign, "Encouraging Words," brings a message of hope to those experiencing unplanned pregnancies. Hope is hidden in the everyday environment and with Gladney; a birth mother can find hope.

The Adoptive Parent campaign is designed to create a message of hope, love and anticipation that adoptive parents feel as they enter into the adoption process. The materials with a toy chest image, creating a message of love, hope and anticipation that adoptive parents feel as they enter into the adoption process. The toy chest and toys are used as the key visual element and the toys represent each country and program. The use of the toys demonstrates Gladney's connection to each country with which we work and underscores Gladney's expertise in adoption.

The updated website includes Birth Mother video testimonies as well as Adoptive Parent and Adoptee testimonies. The Birth Mother website has a different look and feel than the adoptive parent site. More media stories are included as well as information about Gladney's vast humanitarian aid efforts. The site is designed to be easy to use.

The Gladney Center for Adoption is one of the oldest and largest maternity homes and adoption agencies in the United States, placing more than 27,000 children in permanent homes and assisting more than 36,000 birth mothers. In addition to placing children born in the United States, Gladney's international program is committed to finding permanent homes for children in other countries. Adoption opportunities are available in several countries around the world including Eastern European, Asian and Latin American countries. A genuine commitment to client and social service makes Gladney an exceptional adoption agency and a national leader in adoption.

For more information about Gladney's adoption programs and humanitarian aid efforts please log onto

Kids 'kidnapped for Aussie adoption'

August 22, 2008

POOR Indian children are being kidnapped and adopted out to Australian families through state government agencies, authorities say.

More than a dozen “pretty” children kidnapped in Indian slums have ended up being adopted in Australia, TIME Magazine reported.

According to the magazine, at least 120 children were kidnapped from slums in southern India and were sold to a Chennai-based adoption agency Malaysian Social Services (MSS) for as little as $280, before being sent overseas.

Police in India told the magazine that after MSS bought the children, new identities were created and the children sent overseas.

In an interview with the magazine, an Indian mother named Fatima said her two-year-old daughter Zabeen was plucked off the street, thrown into a motorised rickshaw then disappeared.

"I thought someone had taken her for her kidney,” Fatima said.

Seven years after Zabeen vanished, it was discovered that she had been processed by MSS and police in India now say she was adopted by a family in Queensland.

Indian police believe at least 13 kidnapped children were adopted by Australian families.

Indian authorities are now hoping to question officials from the Queensland Families Department.

Queensland Child Safety Minister Margaret Keech told the magazine that the allegations were “very concerning”.

“(Officials) will work very closely with federal and state agencies to investigate these claims,” Ms Keech said.

Police also hope to interview people who may have adopted kidnapped children.

And...we can all be PROUD to know that while we tsk tsk and go about our daily lives...debating whether its "worth it" (financially and/or emotionally) to support adoption activism programs...The National Council for Adoption is counting their donations and adding up the BUCKS their supporters have kicked in to keep up the status quo and the flow of babies:

We met our goal!! We’re in the black!!! On the last day of our fiscal year, the National Council For Adoption raised all the funds we needed to meet our budget. And it’s all because of you!! We sent out the call for help 7 days before our year end and you answered with overwhelming generosity and $37,000. Your commitment to champion the cause of adoption is the reason we are able to begin this new fiscal year on strong financial footing. Words cannot express our gratitude to you for reaching deep into your pockets and standing alongside us in this great cause. We have so much work to do but we are in a great position to continue that work so that all children can have a loving, permanent family of their own. Thank you!! Thomas C. Atwood President and CEO

You can contact NCFA by mail, phone, fax, and e-mail: National Council For Adoption 225 N. Washington Street Alexandria, VA 22314 703-299-6633 (Phone) 703-299-6004 (fax)

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." (Edmund Burke)


When, if ever, will we who care about morality, ethics in adoption, child welfare....put our money where are mouths are and being a real campaign to turn this world right side up again?

Or will we simply give up and not even try? Not care what is done to other mothers and their children? Not make any attempt to spare one other human the pain and loss we have suffered?

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Tribute to an UNSUNG HERO: Irena Sendler

Irena Sendler died May 12, 2008 at the age of 98. Her passing didn't make the major news networks as it should have.

Irena Sendler is on a plane with Oskar Schindler and Eli Weisel.

During WWII, Irena, got permission to work in the Warsaw Ghetto, as a Plumbing/Sewer specialist. She had an ulterior motive...

Irena, a non-Jewish social worker, KNEW what the Nazi's plans were for the Jews, (being German).

Irena smuggled infants out in the bottom of her tool box she carried, and she also carried in the back of her truck a Burlap sack, (for larger kids). She also had a dog in the back that she trained to bark when the Nazi soldiers let her in and out of the ghetto. The soldiers, of course, wanted nothing to do with the dog, and the barking covered the kids/infants noises.

During her time and course of doing this, she smuggled out and saved the lives of 2500 kids/infants.

She was caught, and the Nazi's broke both her legs and arms and beat her severely.
Irena kept a record of the names of all the kids she smuggled out and kept them in a glass jar, buried under a tree in her back yard.

After the war, she tried to locate any parents that may have survived it, and reunited the family.
Most, of course, had been gassed. Those, she helped were placed into foster family homes or adopted.


In 1965, Sendler was recognized by Yad Vashem as a Righteous Among the Nations, which was confirmed in 1983 by the Israeli Supreme Court. She also was awarded the Commanders Cross by the Israeli Institute.

In 2003, Pope John Paul II sent a personal letter to Sendler, praising her wartime efforts.

On 10 October 2003, Irena Sendler received the Order of the White Eagle, Poland's highest civilian decoration. She was also awarded the Jan Karski Award "For Courage and Heart," given by the American Center of Polish Culture in Washington, D.C..

On 14 March 2007 Sendler was honored by Poland's Senate. Polish President Lech Kaczyński stated that she "can justly be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize" (though nominations are supposed to be kept secret). At age 97, she was unable to leave her nursing home to receive the honor, but she sent a statement through Elżbieta Ficowska, whom Sendler had saved as an infant.

Sendler was the last survivor of the Children's Section of the Żegota Council for Assistance to the Jews, which she had headed from January 1943 until the end of World War II.

Additionally, The LIFE IN A JAR PROJECT has been set up in her honor to continue to fund projects that heal the world.

One sad note that needs to also be healed. Irena was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize....She was competing against Al Gore.

It's not too late to have her nominated again and have this omission repaired. She is a war hero and an icon of FAMILY PRESERVATION. I proudly present Irena Sendler with a posthumous Family Preservationist Award of the year 2008.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Too Hysterical to not pass on...

The Onion, notorious online satirical "news source," has published an article that anyone who uses the Internet can relate to.

It is especially apropos in the wake of discussions of emotional bullies and people who spend so much (all?) of their time and energy in negativity because they have absolutely nothing positive to contribute! Like little kids who can't get any positive attention, they chose negative attention and throw temper tantrums!

It's a classic must read and so very timely. (Just replace the word "gays" with crack whores.) Enjoy:

Local Idiot To Post Comment On Internet

"We are blessed to be living in an age when we have a global communications network in which idiots, assholes, and total and complete wastes of fucking human life alike can come together to give instant feedback in an unfettered and unmonitored online environment," Mylenek said. "What better way to take advantage of this incredible technology than to log onto the Internet and insult a complete stranger?"

And the winner of this rhetorical question are those among us who have actually come up with an ironic way to top that: Insult those who share your very struggle!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

A Few of My My Favorite Quotes

Inspirational Quotes and some powerful female role models

Activism is not for sissies! The more waves you make advocating for change, the more feedback and anger you are likely to incur. These men and women speak volumes and keep me inspired and going! I hope they inspire you.

Bookmark this page. Any time you ever get discouraged, come back and read them again! And PLEASE share your favorites!

Compassion is the keen awareness of the interdependence of all things.
--Thomas Merton

The problems we face will not be solved by the minds that created them ~ Albert Einstein

I would not waste my time on friction, when it could be turned into momentum. ~ Frances Willar

Rebels and dissidents challenge the complacent belief in a just world, and...they are usually denigrated for their efforts. While they are alive, they may be called "cantankerous", "crazy", "hysterical", "uppity", or "duped". Dead, some of them become saints and heroes, the sterling characters of history. It's a matter of proportion. One angry rebel is crazy, three is a conspiracy, fifty is a movement. ~ Carol Travis

The people are the only ones capable of transforming society. ~ Rigoberta Manchu

First they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. - Gandhi

All truth passes through three stages: First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. ~ Schoepenhauer

Every great achievement was once considered impossible. ~ H.J. Brown

Whatever you do may seem insignificant, but it is most important that you do it
. ~ Gandhi

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. ~ Voltaire

Be careful when you battle monsters lest you become one. - Nietzsche

If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. ~ Bishop Desmond Tutu

All that the evil forces need to win the world is for good men to do nothing. ~ Edmund Burke

Too see right and not do it is want of courage. ~ Confucius

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed individuals can change the world. Indeed it's the only thing that ever has. ~ Margaret Mead

The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not deter us from support of a cause we believe to be just. ~ A. Lincoln

You cannot cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. ~ R. Tagore

I never gave them hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell. ~ H. Truman

Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile I caught hell for. ~ Chief Justice Earl Warren

Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope. ~ Robert F. Kennedy

When anyone steps out of the system and tells the truth, lives the truth, that person enables everyone else to peer behind the curtain too. ~ Walter Wink

The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future. ~ Oscar Wilde

I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something I can do. ~ Edward Everett Hale

No one knows what he can do till he tries. ~ Publilius Syrus

There is only one thing more powerful than all the armies of the world, that is an idea whose time has come. - Victor Hugo

If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back and get it right-side up again. And now that they are asking to do it the men better let them. ~ Sojourner Truth, 1851

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. ~ Dave Barry

I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones. ~John Cage

You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete. ~ R. Buckminster Fuller

Use what talent you posses; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best. ~ Henry van Dyke

The world in which you were born is just one model of reality. Other cultures are not failed attempts at being you. They are unique manifestations of the human spirit. ~ Wade Davis

Speak your mind - even if your voice shakes. Well-aimed slingshots can topple giants. ~ Maggie Kuhn, Gray Panthers

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. ~ Oscar Wilde

And the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. - Anais Nin

Separate reeds are weak and easily broken but bound together they are strong and hard to tear apart. ~ The Midrash

Success is not to be measured by the position one has reached in life, rather by the obstacles overcome while trying to succeed. ~ Booker T. Washington

You can look at a scar and see hurt, or you can look at a scar and see healing.Y ~ Sheri Reynol, "A Gracious Plenty"

How simple a thing it seems to me that to know ourselves as we are, we must know our mothers' names. — Alice Walker

When a mother is forced to choose between the child and the culture, there is something abhorrently cruel and unconsidered about that culture. A culture that requires harm to one's soul in order to follow the culture's proscriptions is a very sick culture indeed. ~ Clarissa Pinkola Estes "Women Who Run With Wolves"

In life, pain and suffering are inevitable; however, being miserable is optional. Anon.

The greater the loyalty of a group toward the group, the greater is the motivation among the members to achieve the goals of the group, and the greater the probability that the group will achieve its goals. ~ Rensis Likert

Nothing great in the world has ever been accomplished without passion. ~ Hebbel

In modern society we are seeing that its just not enough to have truth on your side. You need to let people know about it. ~ Nick Matzke

Hope has two beautiful daughters. Their names are anger and courage: anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they don’t remain the way they are. ~ St. Augustine

Nolite bastardes cabarundum (Don't let the bastards get you down). ~ Scratched on the wall in Margaret Atwood's "Handmaid's Tale"

Emotional Bullying: Internet Road Rage

One of my blog reading "fans" was kind enough to send me a link to an article on emotional bullying. It is very accurate, and I hope that you will find as helpful as I did ... most especially for those of us who purport to be in the "business" of providing SUPPORT. So I thought I'd share some of it.

The article begins:

Emotional bullying is when someone tries to gain control by making others feel angry or afraid. It is characterized by verbal abuse such as name-calling, sarcasm, incessant teasing, threatening, mocking, putting down, belittling, ignoring, and lying. Also known as adult and workplace bullying, emotional bullying also includes such abuse as exclusion from a group, tormenting, ganging up on others, or humiliation. Moreover, this type of bullying also extends to racially or sexually abusive comments and behavior.

Ah yes, we have all experienced this on every list we've been on! We can name names and recognize very specific examples of each and every negative behavior listed here: name-calling, sarcasm...I know I for one have seen a great deal of that, as well put downs and lies.

The article goes on to describe the effects on one's health and emotional well-being - including suicide.

The author then very much echoes what I had concluded about the low self-esteem of the emotional bully. They are most often people who feel so badly about themselves that they can only feel better by belittling others. Putting others down is their only means of feelings superior in a world in which they feel so immensely inferior. Anyone who has been in a verbally abusive marriage or romantic relationship knows this all too well. It also happens in the workplace.

....[emotional] bullies exist along the same continuum as personality disordered persons who have anti-social tendencies and sociopaths. "While they may never exhibit criminal behavior, their inability to have compassion and understanding for others links them to these more severely affected persons. Psychologically, the root of all of these self-serving traits along this continuum is an internal lack of selfhood."
As for how to cope with this cruel and deviant behavior the article goes deeper than simply the advise to ignore them that we have all heard, and I for one often have trouble doing. I am very much guilty of attempting to argue back or trying to "defend" myself against very personal vicious attacks. It is far easier to tall someone to "not take it personally" than it is to do, when YOU are called a hurtful name, at least it's hard for me! T
he NY "don't back down" in me often gets triggered. But like road rage, we all know where that can lead and it aint good! And "you started it" needs to be left in elementary school yards and toddler playgroups. I assume those who can rad can very easily draw their won conclusions.

I am getting better at "taking it from the source"... turning the other check and walking away from it...though I am still learning. I am not by nature passive, so it is a challenge. I try and remind myself that we are all damaged by our loss and suffering in pain and a great deal of that comes out as misdirected anger. As the article says: becomes easier to ignore a bully once you understand that they are acting out of their own pain and insecurities and that to take it personally doesn't do you any good whatsoever.
There is apparently, too some conflicting advise in this area:

Experts say that the best way to address bullying is to take a strong, proactive stance. In other words, stand up to bullies. If enough people stand up to a bully, the reasoning goes, eventually the bully will be forced to change. However, according to web counselor Burr, "it depends on what you mean by 'change'."
I think some of us got this advise from our parents when we were bullied as kid sin school. In my experience, this works for the occasional, out of character, loss of temper nasty comment from an otherwise balanced and professional person. The article continues:
...while it would be in everyone's best interests for the bully to recognize and change their behavior, it isn't always possible. In other words, it is up to you to change your behavior and your response to the bully....[by] spending as little time, energy and attention as possible on the bully and his or her antics.
One of the final suggestions is:
- Be confident and look bullies in the eye. Speak in a calm and clear voice and name the behavior you don't like and state what is expected instead. For example: "Stop teasing me like that. I want you to treat my feelings and opinions with respect."
I hope you will all read this article in full and pass it around. (The link is in the first line of this post.) I found it insightful and very helpful, and again, I want to thank the anonymous person who sent this to me. We can all - including me - use all the help we can to deal with be being bullied...without falling into the trap of trying to fight fire with fire.

No, I am NOT playing victim. Victimhood is not a position I am at all comfortable with, and not part of my persona. I have plead guilty to, and take full responsibility for my part in these flaming wars and vow to work harder still to change. If each of us would so the same...take responsibility for OURSELVES and stop looking at others faults or what we dislike in them... the Internet - and the earth - would be far safer, saner, and more enjoyable places!

And so...I paused to rethink my "free speech" policy in regard to flaming, abusive comments. As a former university student and employee I know all too well the battles and debates over freedom of speech versus hate speech versus censorship. After some thought I have to conclude that what a publicly or private ly supported/financed institution does is one thing. This is a privately owned and controlled blog. My blog. I want to keep it a SAFE PLACE, and will exercise that right from this point forward.

DISCUSSIONS are clearly welcome on this and any future (and past) topics posted, of course! But discussion must be limited to the FACTS and ISSUES presented in the post. personally attacking or flaming comments will NOT be posted-- or a best will be carefully censored and name-calling etc. DELETED!

Please consider this when attempting to comment on this blog.


Wednesday, August 13, 2008


The guests on this week's archived program are:

Mirah Riben
of Origins-USA and author of Shedding Light on the Dark Side of Adoption and The Stork Market: America's Multibillion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry.

And Dr. Josephine Ruggiero, Professor of Sociology, author of Eastern European Adoption: Policies, Practices and Strategies for Change.

Find links and more details on these interviews on the "Guest" page of this website.

To listen: Go to and click on ON DEMAND, then on the show name.

Live on the airwaves Tuesdays at 2 pm ET

Live (and archived) on!

click to listen live

click to listen anytime



Radio host Delilah has been heard asking for callers to email or call if they have adopted children or are mothers who lost children to adoption. Point of story was so that she could talk about the positives and unselfishness of the "birthmother" and how happy the adopted family is.

Her web-based email form:
OR: Call Delilah at 1-888-6Delilah
There is no indication when she will air this show, or any other on adoption...but enough of us call in she may even change the theme of the show, realizing that it is not all "positive"!
You are encouraged to tell YOUR STORY, briefly but with truth and emphasis on the longterm effects: grief, pain, loss, guilt...Please feel free to mention that you are member of, an organization that advocates for mothers' rights and keeping natural families together.

Adoption Dochotomy IV - A Truely Sad State of Affairs

I posted about groups making referrals: Each group focusing their energies on what they do best - be it activism, support, conferences, retreats, public education... and referring people in need to other groups for other specialties.

That was the entire gist of the post: A suggestion that we make better use of our time and better serving our constituents.

How sad and pathetic that mothers who lost children to adoption (presumably) took that as an opportunity for name-calling, casting false assumptions and lies, and in general acting like a nasty school-yard gang saying nah-nah-nah nobdy likes you/everybody hates you. (The "nobody/everybody" of course being the four-headed Hydra who flamed.) Who asked? I wasn't applying for a popularity contest! I was making a suggestion about group dynamics and networking for the betterment of those in need of our help.

What is far more troubling than personal attacks on me, is that we have mothers judging-- who suffered more? Who's "story" is more deserving of support from a support group that is open to all mothers who lost children to adoption? Who amongst us shall cast the first stone? Who amongst is so pure as to judge another undeserving of support?

I hear this in many areas, not just on this blog. I have heard mothers treated as lepers because they had their rights terminated, or surrendered an older child not an infant, or because they lost more than one child...or they were married but the child was not their husbands...or for whatever reason...JUDGED! And judged CRUELLY and harshly. I have even heard broad based judgments based on mothers age or the "era" in which she lost her child as to how much she suffered versus how many options she allegedly had if ANY LOSS is any less a loss than anyone else's loss.
The irony of this is that it is just that kind of judgment by society, social wokers etc that got us all here.

Hate is hate. Bigotry is bigotry. It is all based on FEAR and one's own insecurities, and hate for one's own is based on pure and simple self-loathing.

"He can't be a man 'cause he don;t smoke the same cigarettes as me" (m. jagger/k. richards)

It is sad and pathetic. I understand that we are all wounded by our loss and that anger is a natural part of our process. But I am steadfast in my loathing of intolerance and elitism of any kind, and devastated that people in support groups - there allegedly to offer support to all mothers who have lost child to adoption - could think this way - let alone speak it or put it in writing for the whole world to see!

It is sad, it is pathetic, it is mean and cruel.

It is beyond my comprehension...that my seeking for us to extend more help to mothers, would be received with such inane mad viciousness instead.
Incomprehensible and reprehensible!

The only bright side that gets me through such devastation is realizing what a insignificantly small percentage of mothers are like this.

Evil is everywhere...the flip side of good. It just makes me all the more appreciative of my dear friends: the good, loving, caring kind sister-mothers! I hope you too have found caring supportive friends...and have the strength to ignore the haters, realizing that is sadly only themselves that they hate.

I wish ALL mothers - the good and the evil, the sane and the not-to-sane, the pure and the not-so-pure...I wish you all PEACE, love and nurturing! We have suffered far too much to bring additional suffering on one another - for any reason.

RussiaToday Apr 29, 2010 on Russian Adoption Freeze

Russi Today: America television Interview 4/16/10 Regarding the Return of Artyem, 7, to Russia alone

RT: Russia-America TV Interview 3/10

Korean Birthmothers Protest to End Adoption

Motherhood, Adoption, Surrender, & Loss

Who Am I?

Bitter Winds

Adoption and Truth Video

Adoption Truth

Birthparents Never Forget