Thursday, November 19, 2009

Fractured Families = Harrowing Holidays


Fam⋅i⋅ly

[fam-uh-lee, fam-lee] 
–noun
1. parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not.

2. any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins. 
3. all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor.

4. a group of related things or people..



in a or the family way, pregnant.


Word Origin & History

family 
c.1400, "servants of a household," from L. familia "household," including relatives and servants, from famulus "servant," of unknown origin. The classical L. sense recorded in Eng. from 1545; the main modern sense of "those connected by blood" (whether living together or not) is first attested 1667. Replaced O.E. hiwscipe. Buzzword family values first recorded 1966. Phrase in a family way "pregnant" is from 1796. Family circle is 1809; family man, one devoted to wife and children, is 1856 (earlier it meant "thief," 1788, from family in slang sense of "the fraternity of thieves").
Online Etymology Dictionary, © 2001 Douglas Harper

Legal Dictionary

Main Entry: fam·i·ly
Pronunciation: 'fam-lE, 'fa-m&-
Function: noun
Inflected Form: plural -lies
1 : a group of individuals related by blood, marriage, or adoption
2 : a group of usually related individuals

Medical Dictionary


Medical Dictionary
family fam·i·ly (fām'ə-lē, fām'lē)
n.
  1. A group of blood relatives, especially parents and their children.
  2. A taxonomic category of related organisms ranking below an order and above a genus.
The American Heritage® Stedman's Medical Dictionary
Copyright © 2002, 2001, 1995 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company.



FRACTURED  FAMILIES 



It's the most horrible time of the year 
With Family fractured 
And everyone telling you "Be of good cheer" 
It's the most awful time of the year
It's the most horrible season of all
With parties and travel and families united
It's most painful time ff the year



Unlike broken bones: arms, legs...our fractured families never fit back together again....they are forver puzzles with pieces missing or peices that are too dog-eared , too worn out, to fit well...

We can try to force it, but that just frustrates us and makes it worse still...

And the emptiness -- the holes where the missing pieces belong -- are voids that can be filled by nothing.

You try.

You try to fill the holes with alcohol, with sex, with food...TIME: The time that is supposed to heal ALL.

But the pain, like a cancer, worsens over time, it does not ease...

And the come "the holidays" - the time when family gets together and makes it worse still.

It starts long before Thanksgiving - a month long reminder of adoption. The commercials, the flyers and catalogs in your mailbox.  It goes on for a full month till Chanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa...and then it's still not over...it continues until new years eve and New Years Day.  The joy!





Monday, November 16, 2009

Holiday Gift Giving

It's "that" time of the year - almost.

As you make your list, and check it twice...thee are the Family Preservation Advocate's suggestions:

Help a child in Africa or sponsor an impoverished child in the U.S. for as little as $25 you can help a child with a got, books, water, or medication...  92 cents of every dollar to Save the children goes for their program services.

Give a gift of education, water, immunization, or nutrition to child in Darfur or other parts of the wold though UNICEF. Mosquito nets start at just $18.57 and help stop the spread of malaria or provide milk for under $25. Remember that UNICEF supports adoption as LAST resort!

Doctos Without Boders contributed 87% of all funds raised in 2008 to the program services.
 $35 buys two high-energy meals a day to 200 children; 550 people cab be vaccinated against against meningitis, measles, polio or other deadly epidemics for just $50.

A donation to ANY of these charities directly aids children instead of taking from their homes and families to receive a "better life."

If you know of other charitable causes that help children and preserve families, please let me know to add to the list.

Guest Post: My Trip to Canberra by Evelyn Robinson Mansfield

Guest blogger Evelyn Robinson Mansfield is author of  Adoption Reunion - Ecstasy or Agony?, her third book.

I've just returned from spending a few days in Canberra. It was my first visit to our capital city and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

The main reason for my visit was that I was invited to present at an adoption forum at the start of National Adoption Awareness Week*.

The forum on Sunday went very well and, as always, I enjoyed talking about my experience of both adoption and post-adoption support.

Today I was privileged to be present in the Great Hall in New Parliament House when our Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, apologised on behalf of our nation to the Child Migrants and the Forgotten Australians. Both of those groups were treated cruelly and unjustly as children in Australia.

As well as apologising for the wrongs of the past, the Prime Minister also announced measures which will be put in place to assist them in future.

It was a very special and emotional event and I'm delighted that I was able to be a part of it. The event was very well organised and was a comfortable mixture of formality and informality. There was a tremendous sense of occasion and it was clearly  a significant event for everyone there. For me, it was a memorable experience.

Later in the day I met with some representatives of the Attorney-General's Department to discuss my role as a member of the National Intercountry Adoption Advisory Group. We had some useful discussion.

This was followed by a tour of Canberra provided by a very proud local.

I enjoyed visiting Canberra and seeing all the sights. I received a warm welcome and made some new friends and so all in all it was a very worthwhile excursion.

* National Adoption Awareness Month spread to Australia last year thanks to Deborah Lee Furness.

Hugh Jackman and Wife Push for More Ausie Adoptions

Hugh Jackman and his wife, actress Deborah-Lee Furness have adopted two children and think that everyone should be able to adopt as many children as they like with no barriers to them...as if that what was adoption was about: filling a demand!

Furness is appalled that  "Australia has the lowest adoption rate in the developed world ... 270 last year including local (adoptions)."  However, i do not see anywhere that she mentions any children languishing, waiting for homes and families.

So, basically she is saying: wouldn't it be so much better to inflict the pain of family separation on far more individuals!

Read her rant that Australian family preservation practices are racist here.

(Then come back and share your reactions here.)

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Angelina Adoption Rumor UPDATE

The tabloids are all abuzz that Angelina might add another (number seven, but whose counting) to her brood by adopting a girl from Syria who she met on a UN trip.

The buzz is all about the fact that Brad is not onboard and she might go it alone, speculating a breakup the tabloids - and many "fans" are breathlessly awaiting.

GossipCop brings up two issues of far more importance regarding the possible, rumored adoption itself:


First of all, during her recent visit Jolie met with refugees who had fled to Syria – not Syrians. So it’s more than likely that if she adopts a girl she met during the United Nations trip, she is not Syrian.


Second, if the girl is Syrian, she’d be exceptionally difficult for Jolie to adopt. Gossip Cop spoke with the Syrian embassy and confirmed that “securing custody of Syrian orphans for immigration is extremely difficult as adoption is essentially illegal in Syria.” Laws concerning personal status matters are handled by religious authorities in that country, and a Muslim child would not be possible to adopt. The fact that Angelina Jolie is unmarried and a foreigner count against her even more heavily.

While the tabloids focus on how Jolie’s “single-minded mission has caused a major rift” with Pitt, of course, they ignore whether the process might cause a major rift with the law.

So, this is one to watch...looks like another Madonna brouhaha could be brewing.

However, the Daily Mail is reporting that an Immigration and Naturalization Service spokesperson confirmed that Angelina Jolie did file adoption papers and that her name was the only name on the papers. If this is true, it's likely that one of two things is happening- either the child isn't Syrian but is a refugee who currently lives in Syria, or the Madonna effect is in motion and she will make large donations in order to be able to adopt even though the laws are against it.

Read interesting thoughts on the racist nature of Jolie's adoptions here.



I hope they are looking like a little "couple" for Halloween!

 
Or not...since this is obviously another day and Shiloh is still dressed like a mini Charlie Chaplin.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Hubinette and Trenka on Transnational Adoption

I've quoted Hubinette here before without digging deeply into who this adoption scholar is.

Tobias Hübinette was born Lee Sam-dol in Korea. Adopted by Swedes, Hubinette, who earned a PhD in Korean Studies in the Department of Oriental Languages, Stockholm University, Sweden in 2005.
Along the way, he earned a BS in Irish Studies at the Division of Celtic Studies, Uppsala University.

Hubinette, like other adult Korean adoptees, looks critically at adoption, writing:

“In the 1950s, the practice [international adoption] was initiated as a rescue mission with strong Christian fundamentalist and particularly Lutheran undertones, while it came to be perceived as a progressive act of solidarity during the left-liberal 1960s and 1970s..... “

“For countries like Korea, the almost insatiable demand for children has created huge social problems. Intercountry adoption has destroyed all attempts to develop an internal social welfare system, and the position of the Korean woman has remained unchanged…. The expression ‘in the best interest of the child’ is used as a mantra by intercountry adoption proponents. It is a fact that intercountry adoption has always worked for the interests of adoptive parents and receiving countries, never for the interests of adopted children or supplying countries. If it would have been ‘in the best interest of the child’, then siblings would never have been separated, and every adoptive parent would have been forced to travel to the supplying country and pick up the child and at least tried to learn something of the child's language and culture.” 


“Contemporary intercountry adoption having flown in close to half a million Third World children to the West during a period of half a century has many parallels to the Atlantic slave trade which between 1440-1870 shipped 11 million Africans to America, and to indentured labor dispatching 12 mil-lion Indians and Chinese to the European empires between 1834-1922. However, a crucial difference is of course that slave trade and indentured labor be-long to history and are today almost universally condemned, while intercountry adoption is still continuing, perfectly accepted by Western societies and legalized through various international conventions.

There are indeed numerous striking similarities between the slave trade and intercountry adoption. Both practices are demand driven, utilizing a highly advanced system of pricing and commodification of human beings with the young and healthy as the most valued, as well as being dependent on the existence of intermediaries in the forms of slave hunters and adoption agencies and a reliable transportation system of ships and planes. Both the African slaves and the Third World children are stripped of their identities as they are separated from their parents and siblings, baptized and Christianized, losing their language and culture and in the end only retaining a fetishized non-white body that has been branded or given a case number.

“Especially the so-called "House Negroes" in America must be the closest parallels to intercountry adoptees as both are living with their masters, treated like their children and legally a part of the household and family. Finally, last but not least both groups are brought over only to please and satisfy the needs and desires of their well-to-do buyers, slave owners and adoptive parents respectively.” 
A critique of intercountry adoption” Transracial Abductees.



Regarding the effect on the adoptee, Hubinette adds: “assimilation becomes the ideal as the adoptee is stripped of name, language, religion and culture, while the bonds to the biological family and the country of origin are cut off. Adoptees who are consciously dissociating themselves from their country of origin and see themselves as whites are interpreted as examples of successful adjustments, while interest in cultural heritage and biological roots is seen as an indication of poor mental health or condemned as expressions of biologism and Nationalism. Recently, proponents of inter-country adoption have also started to attack the "politically correct" ban on interracial adoption.” [ibid]

Hübinette concludes that “[b]oth the slaves and the adoptees are separated from their parents, siblings, rela-tives and significant others at an early age, stripped of their original cultures and languages, reborn at harbours and airports, Christianized, re-baptized; both assume the name of their master/parent and, in the end, only retain a racialised, non-white body that has been branded or given a case number. ... These children were objects of rescue fantasies and relief projects for the European homeland populations and especially feminist and Christian philanthropist and humanist groups.”   “Between European Colonial Trafficking, American Empire-. Building and Nordic Social Engineering: Rethinking International Adoption From a Postcolonial and Feminist Perspective.”  A translation is available at: http://tinyurl.com/hubinette-eng

While one or two commenters here have been critical of my analysis of adoption and slavery or indenture, I respect the words of  one who has walked a mile - nay lived his entire life - in ill-fitting shoes, and his devoted his academic career to researching these issues.

Jane Joeng Trenka another Korean born, American-raised adoptee who grew up in a town so lily whit the only Black person was a B; adopted by a white family.  Trenka who gave us The Language of Blood, in which she describes the demeaning Japanese occupation which took away Korean language, culture and people's names, has returned to her homeland and from there, she works with TRACK for reconciliation for Korean adoptees and writes in her latest book, Fugitive Visions; An adoptee's return to Korea:  

"Since the 'end' of the Korea War, up to two hundred thousand South Korean children - both documented and undocumented by the Seoul government - have been sent as legal 'orphans' to Western countries for the purpose of adoption...to give them 'better lives,' and the paperwork was designed to give them  'clean break'....an estimated two hundred thousand international adopted koreans were active in the 'adoption community' in Korea..."

Trenka, who speaks with a gentler, more poetic voice than Hubinette, says:...the adoption agency exiled me for no crime except my birth..."  and, she says "there is a difference between a child with an orphan visa and a child whose parents are dead. Approaching zero is o the same as zero." [ibid]

Having found papers revealing that the adoption agency had sent her to the Netherlands in 1972 and that she had been naturalized as a Dutch citizen in 1976...while she lived in rural Minnesota... feeling all her life like a round peg in a square hole...I doubt Trenka would disagree with Hubinette, also a member of TRACK.

Biblical Adoption

I used to think of adoption as putting together -- two parents coming together with a child to create a family. But when I had my children, I started to understand that adoption is also an undoing -- a mother being separated from her child. This “other side” of adoption is probably the reason I am so drawn to the Old Testament story of Hannah and Samuel.
The author of these words, Nicole, is a guest blogger at Real Life. Her post is entitled Hannah's Story: The Other Side of Adoption.

This is a beautifully written tale of a Vietnam "boat baby" complete with photos of infants transported in cardboard boxes aboard airplanes! Not to be missed!

The good news is that Nicole gives us a great ammunition against the bible toters pro-adoption rhetoric.

The sad news for Nicole is that she has only begun to "get it." She is on the brink, I believe. Of Hannah, Nicole writes:

As a mom, I read that and wonder if he looked at her with big eyes pleading with her to stay. I wonder if he wrapped his chubby, dimpled baby fingers around her hand as she placed him before Eli. I wonder if he cried when she was leaving. I want to know if anyone was there to comfort Hannah's precious toddler as she walked away. And I can't help but wonder how long before he realized she wasn't coming back.

Nicole - and those who tout that adoption is commanded by God - needs to go back to the bible and read the story of Moses in order to grasp the fact that adoption does not just involve a sacrifice for her, as an adoptee, to be grateful for.  The story of Moses, like that of Hannah, shows that mothers will only let another have their child out of the most utter desperate love for their child.




This antique tapestry, which belongs to Karen Lynn of Canadian Council of  Natural Mothers, depicts the Pharaoh's daughter and her handmaids at the water's edge as they find the baby Moses.
Click the photo to enlarge.
On the right hand side, hidden in the reeds... 

 

you will see a tiny face. This is Miriam, Moses' older sister who waited and watched as her brother was rescued from his basket in the river and decide to adopt him. Miriam then suggested that the princess take on a nurse for the child, and suggests Jochobed; as a result, Moses was raised to be familiar with his background as a Hebrew. (Exodus 2:1-10)


Jochobed kept her son hidden for at least three months and even after placing him to save his life, she continued on as his wet nurse. She had to look into his eyes and hand him over to another time after time after time...somewhat like mothers in open adoption today. And not unlike today's open adoptions, there came a time when that connection ended.

But the bible shows that however that the caring of another's child - an unrelated child - does not eradictae one's bloodline, one's kinship and heritage as American adoption attempts to do.


Though Jochobed is not mentioned again and we do not know if they reunited or not, or if he met his father. But Moses returns when he is 40 to free "his people" and lead them from slavery.

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