Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Are You Addicted to or Obsessed With Adoption?

 B.J. recently attended a conference on addiction and adoption which seemed to related to adoptees who had substance abuse issues. However, the Facebook discussion got into discussing if we are addicted TO adoption...to talking about it, blogging, Facebooking, writing, speaking, and constantly thinking about every day.

I admitted to definitely being all about adoption 24/7/365!

Someone replied:  "what if we changed the word from addicted to committed or passionate. Way different energy. And, I wanted to acknowledge you for finding the balance and knowing when you need to take a break. That's the difference between addiction and purpose don't you think?"

I wrote back, sharing the intro I wrote to "shedding light on.,..The Dark Side of Adoption" (1988):

I wrote this book for the same reason I have been involved in adoption reform since 1979, for the same reason I co-founded ORIGINS, a national support organization for women who lost children to adoption. It is the same reason that ... See More... See More

Candy Lightner founded MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) and Gloria Yurkovitch founded Child Find. Each of us became committed as a result of personal loss.

Does commitment mean obsession? Peggy Say, the sister of a hostage victim, uprooted her family to move to Washington, D.C. in order to help her brother and others. When she was asked if helping her brother had become an obsession, she answered, ". . . if by the word obsession, the definition is having this issue dominate every waking moment, then yes, it's an obsession. I don't like the term but it is probably reality. I see it in a different light. Many, many times during the day I'll find myself doing an everyday task and think of (him)..."

The Stephanie Roper Committee is another example of personal commitment. Founded by Stephanie Roper's mother after the brutal rape and murder of her barely twenty-two year old daughter, the committee has been called one of the most effective voices for victims' rights and has been responsible for the passage of three bills in Maryland.

People like Candy Lightner, Gloria Yurkovitch, Peggy Say and I have turned our obsessive, compulsive drive into positive energy because each of us has lost someone dear to us who is irreplaceable. Mrs. Roper said on "America Undercover" that victims do not seek revenge, but rather justice to be healed. Likewise birthmothers do not seek to reclaim, hurt or interfere. They merely seek reunification. Judith Viorst, in her book Necessary Losses/ wrote: "another defense against loss may be a compulsive need to take care of other people. Instead of aching, we help those who ache.'

It has occurred to me many times since that people like Candy Lightner et al are never accused of being "bitter" OR "angry", are they? They are seen for what they are: righteously indignant and trying to resolve/heal their loss by calling attention to it and helping others not go through the same pain. that is exactly what I do!

These women are role models for me because they did not sit back and accept an UNNECESSARY loss.

So I say - be obsessed!! If not us,who will be obsessed enough about adoption to change it?


Peach said...

I agree Mirah.

Anonymous said...

Yes! You said it well.

Anonymous said...

I agree Mirah 100%

Susie said...

I completely agree. I am not an angry or bitter first mom. I do, however, want to help others not go through the same pain as I do due to adoption loss.

Margaret Susan LyBurtus said...

I admit I am obsessed with adoption issues because I believe it is eveyones right to know where they came from and I have heard the pain and frustration of thousands of people who simply want the truth of their origins or the fate of their children. I feel it is my purpose in life to help others and I will fight for equal access to OBC's for everyone until I die. I will also try to keep families together as God intended. Unfortunately I am a surrendering mother from the "baby scoup era"

RussiaToday Apr 29, 2010 on Russian Adoption Freeze

Russi Today: America television Interview 4/16/10 Regarding the Return of Artyem, 7, to Russia alone

RT: Russia-America TV Interview 3/10

Korean Birthmothers Protest to End Adoption

Motherhood, Adoption, Surrender, & Loss

Who Am I?

Bitter Winds

Adoption and Truth Video

Adoption Truth

Birthparents Never Forget