Thursday, November 19, 2009

Fractured Families = Harrowing Holidays


[fam-uh-lee, fam-lee] 
1. parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not.

2. any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins. 
3. all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor.

4. a group of related things or people..

in a or the family way, pregnant.

Word Origin & History

c.1400, "servants of a household," from L. familia "household," including relatives and servants, from famulus "servant," of unknown origin. The classical L. sense recorded in Eng. from 1545; the main modern sense of "those connected by blood" (whether living together or not) is first attested 1667. Replaced O.E. hiwscipe. Buzzword family values first recorded 1966. Phrase in a family way "pregnant" is from 1796. Family circle is 1809; family man, one devoted to wife and children, is 1856 (earlier it meant "thief," 1788, from family in slang sense of "the fraternity of thieves").
Online Etymology Dictionary, © 2001 Douglas Harper

Legal Dictionary

Main Entry: fam·i·ly
Pronunciation: 'fam-lE, 'fa-m&-
Function: noun
Inflected Form: plural -lies
1 : a group of individuals related by blood, marriage, or adoption
2 : a group of usually related individuals

Medical Dictionary

Medical Dictionary
family fam·i·ly (fām'ə-lē, fām'lē)
  1. A group of blood relatives, especially parents and their children.
  2. A taxonomic category of related organisms ranking below an order and above a genus.
The American Heritage® Stedman's Medical Dictionary
Copyright © 2002, 2001, 1995 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company.


It's the most horrible time of the year 
With Family fractured 
And everyone telling you "Be of good cheer" 
It's the most awful time of the year
It's the most horrible season of all
With parties and travel and families united
It's most painful time ff the year

Unlike broken bones: arms, legs...our fractured families never fit back together again....they are forver puzzles with pieces missing or peices that are too dog-eared , too worn out, to fit well...

We can try to force it, but that just frustrates us and makes it worse still...

And the emptiness -- the holes where the missing pieces belong -- are voids that can be filled by nothing.

You try.

You try to fill the holes with alcohol, with sex, with food...TIME: The time that is supposed to heal ALL.

But the pain, like a cancer, worsens over time, it does not ease...

And the come "the holidays" - the time when family gets together and makes it worse still.

It starts long before Thanksgiving - a month long reminder of adoption. The commercials, the flyers and catalogs in your mailbox.  It goes on for a full month till Chanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa...and then it's still not continues until new years eve and New Years Day.  The joy!


Anonymous said...

Why not volunteer at a local soup kitchen or homeless shelter for the Holidays? You would be taking your mind off your troubles and seeing people whose problems are far worse, as well as doing some good for others.

AdoptAuthor said...

Thank you. I often do. My purpose was not to solicit pity or suggestions but to bring attention to the MANY families that are splintered by adoption...may unnecessarily and none without pain....and many that will never out back together in any sense of the word.

Just this week I heard of a 55 year old adoptee and another 53 searching for mothers they've never known. One is at a total dead end because of a fake name used.

I am sad for them, not just myself.

I am heartsick for every young women whose baby is being encouraged to be abandoned at a "safe haven" with no way of ever tracing one another when regret sets in...

I deeply empathize with all who find a grave at the end of their search and have to live with never knowing, never seeing their love done...

Helping others fills these voids temporarily - which is why i do what I do. But the whole remains.

RussiaToday Apr 29, 2010 on Russian Adoption Freeze

Russi Today: America television Interview 4/16/10 Regarding the Return of Artyem, 7, to Russia alone

RT: Russia-America TV Interview 3/10

Korean Birthmothers Protest to End Adoption

Motherhood, Adoption, Surrender, & Loss

Who Am I?

Bitter Winds

Adoption and Truth Video

Adoption Truth

Birthparents Never Forget