Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Adopting a Stolen Child

Some adoptive parents "looked the other way" when they heard reports about child trafficking in Hunan province years ago, said Jane Liedtke, founder of Our Chinese Daughters Foundation, a nonprofit organization that offers programs and tours for families with children from China. Now that trafficking cases have been documented not just in Hunan but also in Guizhou, Guangxi and other provinces, "people say, 'Oh, I didn't know. My agency didn't tell me. If I'd known, I wouldn't have adopted.' "

To that, Liedtke responds: "Oh, yes, you would have. You wanted a child."

Read the full story, "Trafficking reports raise heart-wrenching questions for adoptive parents: Accounts of Chinese children being kidnapped, bartered and sold to orphanages have many adopters wondering about their children. Some may try to track down the birth parents -- but then what?" in the LA Times.

I have to agree with Liedke based on my experiences and interviews with many who have adopted, some under clouds of suspicion. In Guatemala they chode to beleive tht mothers were s poor they were selling thir children rather than accept the fact hat they were being kidnapped.  Even now that there is hard cold DN evidence of the trafficking, some claim mothers are lying in hindsight rather than face their own culpability, even unwittingly

Some discovering afterward - or are forced to really accept the truth afterward.

People want to believe what they want to believe. Like your girlfriend whose dating a real jerk looser but refuses to accept it because he's in L-U-V!!!  Becoming a mommy is also about hormones (as in one's ticking internal time clock) and falling madly in love.

Afterwards the attachment is so profound that all these adopters want is some absolution. They want to find out they did nothing wrong. They want to be able to tell their child they did everything they could - like going back years and years alter and finding nothing!

They want vindication even if it is based oly on justification that the end justifies the means - that they are giving their kidnapped and stolen kids a good life, probbaly insome ways "better" than the life they would have had with their own mothers, in their own houses, in their own villages.

I understand, but I do not condone - nor do I judge.  I cannot even imagine being in their shoes for even a mili-second! 

All I know is that more people to read these reports and hesitate far more BEFORE they adopt...before they get their hearts all tied up in knots.

Like our friends who eventually end their bad relationships - they all say "If I only knew then, what I knew now!" 

I am asking all adoptive parents to complete a brief questionnaire sharing their hindsight for an upcoming article.  If you re an adoptive parent, know of any, are on any lists and can share this request, plea e have them contact: and request to be part of the "Adoption Hindsight" Project. Thank you.

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