Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Truth Evokes Anger: Confessions of An Adoption of Whistle Blower

Yesterday I posted Adoption Truth Subverted AGAIN.

I was angry and shared my frustration at having spent the previous week researching studies on suicide and adoption in the wake of the most recently widely publicized suicide death of Marie Osmond's son. It ws upsetting to note that such research has been being conducted back to the 1990s and poo-pooed and ignored.  I tied that into to the story of Samoan adoptions being likewise silenced.

I then sent a link my post to a list of adoption professionals I am on and got some very angry feedback. I was told that I was obviously "upset about something that happened in [my] situation" and there are "certainly cases where people were forced to place a child for adoption or were tricked into it, but [I] need to stop besmirching all adoptions!"

This was followed by a lecturetelling me that MOST adoptions are "successful", his adoptions were wonderful,  and a lesson on the many reasons some mothers need to place children by someone who subsequently identifies as "director of an adoption exchange, where we essentially only deal with kids with special needs whose parents are not able or willing to parent them" which is a horse of a whole different color.

Another on the list defended telling me that some mothers who lost children to adoption found it to be a "benefit" and that it brought them "happiness." Now you can tell me that some mothers are "content" with their decisions, but...

I asked her if she would tell anyone who had lost a loved one to death that death brought some a benefit and happiness?  In fact someone ready to file for divorce might welcome the death of their spouse as a joyous occasion to celebrate, but you would not say that to another grieving widow, would you?  In a private email, I told her I was hurt and offended but instead of an apology to hurting my feelings, I was told to stop "ranting."

I was at my wits end, upset and nearly in tears...feeling attacked by both of these folk...when a light bulb dawned and I realized that both of the upset parties were people whose incomes depended - directly or indirectly upon on the continued flow of adoptions.

The IRONY of these replies coming immediately following my posting:


"telling the truth about adoption is bad for business. It's like being a whistle blower in the pharmaceutical industry." 

It's like saying the emperor has no clothes!   As for the fact that MOST adoptions are "successful"... does that mean children should not be taught how to protect themselves from strangers who might abduct them, since MOST children are never abducted? Should we not teach fire and drowning safety rules since most homes do not burn down and most people do not drown?

Speaking out against doption atrocities in an effort to curtail them is not for sissies!  It's often pretty thankless and tiresome.  I take my lunps and keep on going...

And then...a stranger on the list ttoally defended me!  

6 comments:

The Improper Adoptee said...

Most Mothers were happy they gave up their child and benefited from doing so?....Jesus Christ, do they EVEN think how that sounds to an Adoptee? Do they even have the heart or the intelligence to understand that hurts us like hell. Yeah, your Mother hates you, your Mother rejected you, your Mother doesn't want you, Let's have a party! F the Adoption Industry...

AdoptAuthor said...

She said SOME, not most....but still of course you are right. Your mother got an education instead of you! Let's cheer for HER!

triona said...

I just had a similar experience when I responded to someone claiming that just because we have so many open adoptions now, that makes everything okay. I was further told that just because I had a bad experience doesn't mean there is corruption in adoption.

Who else is going to speak out against the negativities in adoption save those of us who have been burned by them? Why do our personal experiences negate the truths of what we are saying? Yeah, so I had a bad experience. People with good experiences aren't the ones who are going to complain.

AdoptAuthor said...

Our experience validates; it negates nothing.

Does anyone argue with Mothers who started MADD based on their personal losses?

Are the Mothers and Grandmothers in the Plaza in Argentina called bitter??

Were slaves bitter about being enslaved and wanting freedom and civl rights?

It is just a handy excuse to dismiss us - or attempt to. It's the CLASSIC quintessential whistle blower equals "disgruntled employee" ploy! Don't listen to what might be a very legitimate complaint because he's just pissed off that he got fired - with an assumption that he is the making it all up or at the least exaggerating.

But facts are facts! So...don't let them get away with it! Sometimes we gotta take a break cause it so exacerbating and painful - such an uphill battle, and often pretty lonely.

But then we reach out to another soldier for truth - reconnoiter and regain our strength of righteousness and go on fighting the good fight!

The Improper Adoptee said...

Yeah, I am glad that "you are so angry" thing wasn't around in the 60's when the African Americans were fighting for their civil rights-who ever thought of this mindset is unintelligent and illogical-it is just from another planet. Totally psychotic. And when I wrote Yeah, before Mirah I was saying it like Yea! I spelled it wrong-and yes you are right-it was some not most-but even so, the some Adoptees matter too-I wish they would get that through their beyond thick heads.

AdoptAuthor said...

In the world community, a genocide is no longer a genocide when the U.S. is more concerned about "relations" with the perpetrators.

The United States relies on Turkey as a key supply route for U.S. troops in Iraq and Turkey's troops serve in the U.S.-led coalition forces in Afghanistan. The United States also is pressing Turkey, which holds a rotating seat in the U.N. Security Council, to support sanctions against Iran, Turkey's neighbor.

This is causing the Obama administration to back-track on Obama's promise.

Politics trumps truth and the mass destruction of human life. Guilt over our pain creates a need to deny it as well.

http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2009/04/two-views-of-obamas-armenian-genocide-policy/16644/

http://apnews.myway.com//article/20100304/D9E7VFCO2.html

RussiaToday Apr 29, 2010 on Russian Adoption Freeze

Russi Today: America television Interview 4/16/10 Regarding the Return of Artyem, 7, to Russia alone

RT: Russia-America TV Interview 3/10

Korean Birthmothers Protest to End Adoption

Motherhood, Adoption, Surrender, & Loss

Who Am I?

Bitter Winds

Adoption and Truth Video

Adoption Truth

Birthparents Never Forget