The Last Line Says It All

I recently pointed out that many (perhaps most) who chose to ignore the more than one hundred thousand children in US foster care who COULD be adopted and instead go shopping abroad at a far greater cost...do so in order to avoid having a birthmother to deal with. I was called to task for stating that fact that turns up again and again in my research.  I was  told that "today thigs have changed" and international adopters are more and more searching for their children's family.

It seems that some (many?) who adopt internationally, after living with their child do recoginze the need to help their chld reconnect with family and culture.  However, those in the process of adopting, still operate in fear and have no counsling requred to help them get past it prior to adopting.

How very sad for the children being adopted while these people are in a state of fear.  For those who do evolve beyond it, it is often far too late and the trail far too cold...perhaps it is knowing that that that helps them  to act noble and help in their child's search then?

How particularly sad for this family that the only way this woman found to connect with her heritage and to have a family member who looked like her was to repeat what had been done to her...

And so round and round it goes and where (or when) it will stop no one knows...

Family comes full circle with adoption

By Daniel Tedford, Staff Writer

Posted: 10/13/2009 04:44:33 PM PDT

LA VERNE - When Marci Rienstra went to South Korea in August to meet her adopted daughter, Lily, for the first time, it was a special visit for a number of reasons.


Marci and her husband, Ryan, residents of La Verne, already had one child, 5-year-old Lindsay, but were unsuccessful in trying to conceive a second child. From there they decided to go the adoption route.

Months of applications and review processes later, the married couple of 11 years were on their way to pick up their new child.

When the couple arrived in Seoul, South Korea, it was the culminating moment in a long effort to add to their family.

Marci Rienstra, 36, was born in South Korea and adopted by her parents as a young child. Her mother was a missionary and her father a pastor. The pair had always wanted to adopt a child from Korea, and after a long delay, piles of paperwork and three missed air flights, her father finally went to Korea and brought Marci home.
That was the last time Marci was in the country before adopting a daughter of her own.
"We are Christian, and I just think this is the way God had everything planned for us," Marci Rienstra said. "She has brought a lot of joy to our lives."
While growing up with two Caucasian parents, Rienstra missed out on a lot of Korean culture as a child. While she doesn't regret that, she hopes to bring some insight to her daughter's growth while they both build on their heritage.

---

"I think it will help her to know I am Korean and she is Korean, I was adopted and she was adopted," Marci Rienstra said.

While there, Rienstra made a surprise visit to her caretakers as a child. As one of the few infants they cared for, it took a picture only to bring the memories back for the caretakers.

"They were so worried," Rienstra said. "They had no idea how things went for me."

The transition for Lily to her new family and home has been smooth, both Rienstras said.

"It was very exciting," said Ryan Rienstra, a teacher at Northview High School. "We were anxious and excited to meet her on that first day. Her foster mom took such good care of her. That attachment carried over right away."
Lindsay has immediately taken to her new sister.

"I like to take care of her," she said, holding her sister as they both flipped
through picture books.

Besides the significance of the adoption for families, choosing Korea for adoption has its appeal to many families, said Dillon Adoption coordinator Hedy Lee, who worked with the Rienstras.

"There are virtually no Korean children up for adoption in the U.S.," said Lee, who has two adopted children from Korea herself. "Plus, families fear birth 

families coming back, especially in California."

In order to adopt from South Korea right now, not only does a couple have to meet Dillon's and United States requirements, but Korea's as well. While Ryan Rienstra is Caucasian, Marci is Korean American, which South Korea requires in their adoptions, Lee said.
daniel.tedford@sgvn.com