Solo describes her growth in dealing with these painfully difficult questions and comments. Well worth the read!
Adoptive parents want to be recognized as real parents but they suspect they might not be.
That is the crux of it. No one gets that crazy when they’re 100% sure of something. Assuredness is a soft blanket; doubt is a bed of nails.
It made me think that in general “we” all find it easier somehow to compartmentalize things into neat little black and white boxes. People are all either good or bad. Liberal or conservative. Gay or straight. Things are healthy or unhealthy. Shades of gray, nuances, overlapping realities (this is true, but so is that) are far more difficult and require more explanation and understanding. But that’s how life is. It’s messy and its fuzzy and fluid, not so clearly defined as we’d somehow like it to be.
That's what I like so very much about the concept of dual parenting. It doesn't dichotomize or stratify or create a competition. It recognizes exactly what O Solo says:
It’s a shame the way real has been hijacked by both pro- and anti-adoption camps with an axe to grind. The word has no meaning when used in a contest of parenthood. Both of sets of parents are real; neither set is imaginary. Of course, amended birth certificates do not mirror that truth in any authentic way. They actually say that what is not real is, and that not defensible.