- Who do you most feel "owes" you an apology?
- To whom is your anger most focused?
Have your parents apologized to you for their role in your adoption loss, or their lack of support for a parenting option?
If they did apologize, did it change anything for you? Did you accept their apology? Could you? Would you?
Have you been able to forgive those involved in your loss? Could you? Would you?
My parents went to their graves (the same year as my daughter did) never accepting my daughter as their grandchild, never accepting my pain. My sister and only sibling shared their feelings and never even sent a condolence card when Alicia died, stating that she never felt she was her niece. A non acceptable answer since condolences are sent to the living and I surely have always been her full blood sister. It is common practice to send condolence cards to neighbors, co-workers and many who ar enot related and whose love done we never met.
And yet I forgive them because they are simply ignorant people. I forgive them and let go for me which does not mean that I condone anything they did in this regard or that I have much to do at all with the one living member of my immediate family (for this and other reasons) SADLY. I am quite saddened by that because it is yet another loss for me and I have suffered so many...
I would WELCOME an apology from my sister but have accepted, with sadness and disappointment, that it is not to happen.
Acceptance of what cannot be changed and some forgiveness are the cornerstones of living in peace and contentment.
The anger I have not resolved is focused on my agency: Jewish Child Care Assocaition / Ametz of New York. I hold them totally responsible for pressuring me, lying to me and all that ensued to myself and more so to my daughter who has suffered far more than any of us still living. They were not ignorant. They are culpable. And they continue to violate me to this day by refusing to give me - even redacted - copies of anything I signed prior to the adoption.
How about you?