Guest Post by Celeste Billhartz: Let's be Fair

Let's be Fair
©2010 Celeste Billhartz

I read, somewhere, that there are about 6 - 8 million adoptees in the USA. I don't know how many are adults who were born here and how many were born in other countries and brought over here. Chances are, we all share many of the same issues and concerns. Here are mine:

1. To avoid teen pregnancy, maybe it's time that teen girls of every social class and religion should have condoms with them at all times and should know they have every right to insist one be used … and they should know how to put one onto a penis. I don't know if teen boys are advised, properly, by their fathers/parents, to be responsible and careful. Certainly, they should be taught good morals, be carefully supervised, their whereabouts monitored … and they should be advised to not have intercourse before marriage. Fat chance …:) Teens have been finding a way to "canoodle" for generations, despite the best, most moral upbringing. The lucky ones just didn't get pregnant. They probably will, again, of course, so they should all know about the "morning after" pill that prevents conception or discharges the "stuff" conceived. If that's "abortion" … so be it. It seems a lot more humane to expel that tissue, hours after conception, than shredding a fetus to bits a few months before he/she would have been born.

2. Parents of pregnant teens should plan on helping her raise her child, their grandchild. Forcing her to surrender her baby is terrible because she will never get over the loss; never. Keep in mind … we also have 6 - 8 million mothers who lost their babies to Adoption who can attest to that … some from their graves, I'm sure.

3. I read, too, that adoption was created to provide homes for children whose parents died in epidemics, etc … that made sense, I guess, if other family members weren't available to take them in. Today, however, adoption is a business that is intensely on the prowl for white infants. So, single, young, pregnant women, beware! Never, never, never sign anything that commits you to surrendering your baby for adoption. Most of the mothers who lost their babies to adoption never got over that loss …. you won't, either. The best person for your baby is YOU!!! And, you should have help in raising him/her from your family and friends. ASK for help. Never trust anyone … social worker, adoption worker, people who are looking for a baby … don't trust any of them to advise/act in your and your baby's best interest if they push adoption. The adoptive couple might be a lot more settled and have more money than you do, but, YOU ARE YOUR BABY'S MOTHER … and you deserve the time and support to make a decent life for you and your baby. That said, if you are not capable of being a loving and safe mother, then find a family member or good friend to provide Kinship Care or Legal Guardianship for your child. You must do that, if you have any reason to doubt your ability or willingness to BE there for your baby. Do what must be done, but, DO NOT SURRENDER YOUR CHILD FOR ADOPTION ….. and don't trust anyone who pushes adoption as the only way to go. It isn't! It is just a money-maker for the company, agency, church or lawyer who is pushing it. Certainly, many of the employees believe they are finding better homes for those babies. But, would they .. and most of society … push adoption so much if the baby belonged to a widow or a divorcee? Most likely, most of society would look for a support system for that mother. Their first thought wouldn't be to take her baby from her. Their first thought should be to keep mother and child together ... single or widdowed or divorced.

4. OK, the "let's be fair" title of this piece …:) I ask every couple or individual, who wants to adopt a baby, to stop and think about what you are doing. You are doing nothing illegal, for sure, and you are not a bad person, but … you are going down a terrible path. You are participating in the overt or covert "theft" of a mother's child. You are part of the problem … a big part of the problem. You have the money to buy/make a nice donation to get what you want. And, getting what you want means taking a baby from his/her mother. That is wrong. So, please, step away from that terrible deed. Be fair. Don't be part of the schmoozing and befriending and coercion and persuasion that is all part of talking a scared, naive girl/mother out of her child. You KNOW you are conning her, for your gain. And, you know that everyone associated with that activity is part of the wrongdoing. So, whether the others have the conscience and core-values to step back and stop doing what they make money doing, YOU must! Please, be fair. Look at it this way: For generations we loved buying fur coats ... and nice people with lots of money bought lots of fur coats. Well, times have changed. We know, now, that killing animals just to get their fur is wrong, and, we don't buy fur coats, anymore. So with adopting: For generations nice people with money have adopted babies. Now, we know that the young mothers never got over the loss of those babies, and we …. society … good people … are changing our views about adopting. Thank God. Honestly, I live for the day when adopting infants is as socially repugnant as parading around in fur.