Friday, December 24, 2010

The Secret Society of Women

Lisa Ling Helps Women Share Compassion Through Secrets 

Journalist (and friend of Oprah) Lisa Ling has started The Secret Society of Women: "A place where we can divulge our deepest secrets about how we look, what we regret, who we fantasize about, what we aspire to do, or whatever else we’ve been keeping inside of us."

It began when Lisa suffered a miscarriage and found it hard to talk about. She felt a sense of "failure" and discovered that she was more comfortable "talking" about it anonymously online with others who shared her experience than with her real life friends who she felt might not understand.

My first reaction to hearing about this project and website was twofold:
  • I immediately wondered how many mothers would share stories of losing children to adoption
  • I then thought that i would NOT promote it inasmuch as IT encouraged anonymity and I believe that when we share anonymously we validate claims by the NCFA that some mothers want to remain anonymous to our children - despite the obvious fact that confidentiality in terms of the PUBLIC and being known to our children are two very different issues.
After hearing Lisa describe the project on NPR, however, I have concluded that it behooves us to visit the site and post our stories to help educate the public. This is especially important in view of the fact that Lisa reveals in the NPR interview that she and her husband are "open to" the possibility of adopting if she continues to have pregnancy-related difficulties.

It also behooves activists to monitor the site from time to time - whether or not we choose to share our own story there or not - to help those who suffering in silence and alone know that there is a community of mothers and adoptees and that there are resources and organizations of others with whom they can share, no longer feel alone, and obtain concrete help in terms of search and support.

It is also important, IMO, to monitor the site from time to time in case someone comes out of the "birth mother" closet and is attacked!  People CAN comment on others' posts.  They are asked to be "civil" but can be argumentative.  Let's reach out and help our sisters while educating the masses!

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