Expectant Mom Needs Your Help, Encouragement and Hindsight

I posted a question about the adoption of newborns a few days ago. I indicated that I am going to put my baby up for adoption when he/she is born and a lot of people got really mad. They acted like its what I wanted to do, like I was a horrible person. The thing is, I do want to keep my baby. I always did. The first week I knew I was pregnant I made an appointment with a Ob-gyn. I told my gyno I was considering adoption (my bf wanted me to since I wouldn’t abort) and she told me of a Christian, financially stable family who she knew personally. They were desperate for a child. I told her that I would consider it. By the next week she told me how excited the family was. They had called her a day before my appointment because they just couldn’t wait to see if my baby had a heartbeat and wanted to know if I was still considering it. I said yes. Now I feel obligated to do this. I don’t know how I could keep it. Im a student and $18,000 in debt because of my student loans. If I don’t go back to school soon Im going to have to start paying it back without a degree. Compile this with the problem that my family is not supportive, nor is the baby’s dad. I need to stay on my dad’s insurance so that the birth of this baby is paid for (yes his insurance covers this) but because Im a dependent on him, I don’t qualify for financial aid. Sure I can work, but when the baby comes I’d have to pay for daycare while Im at work, which isn’t covered by any minimum wage job. My parents took away everything, my apartment, my car, and all help. This is why Im choosing adoption. Everyone seemed to hate me for it but what am I supposed to do? Im living with my bf in an apartment that Im not even supposed to be in because Im not on the lease. Im 800 miles away from my family and they hate me anyway. This potential adoptive family is so excited. They even told me their names. I think it would be cruel to keep my baby. How would I be able to keep this baby? You all seem to think Im making the wrong decision so any ideas? Ive applied for so many jobs down here, but without a degree nothing seems to pay enough.

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