In Memroium

Thanksgiving '08 - Without Alicia

The winter darkness closes in
Blocks the light of day, the light of hope
Holidays created to bring artificial light and cheer
Friends and family to lighten the spirit
can instead
be reminders of what is not present

Thanksgiving 1995 was on Thursday, Nov. 23rd
What friends were there with her? What family?

Then came Chanukah.
Who came to her humble rented room in Clifton, New Jersey?
What invitations? Phone calls?

Did the one who had coveted her just 27 years prior…
sought her out
Took from those who loved her
Did the one appointed “mother”
The one who did not come on
February 27, 1995
to identify her self-silenced, cold corpse
who did not claim her earthly remains
did not kiss her goodbye and put her to rest...

Did she call and wish her a Happy Holiday?
Invite her to join the family for dinner?
To eat and rejoice?

Or were they all too busy with their own lives to care?
The ones she called her brothers; "family"?

Or, had they given up?
Lost hope in the “nice Jewish” Barbie Doll
they had bought
who did not perform and meet their expectations?

Had she been left alone to fend for herself?
Abandoned by her alleged “forever family”?

Did she feel like a disappointment to them?
Not meeting the standards her “brothers” had met?

Did I not too let her down?
I wasn’t there either. Didn’t call.
Abandoned her yet again when she was at her lowest.
My lot to live with. My cross to bear…

As the darkness closes in.
As it did on February 27, 1995…

What had she to be thankful for?

Was Alicia’s prayer :
Look on my right hand, and see,
for there is no man that knoweth me;
I have no way to flee;
no man careth for my soul.

Did she cry out asking who is her refuge in the land of the living?

Did she pray:
Attend unto my cry; for I am brought very low;
deliver me from my persecutors;
for they are too strong for me.
Bring my soul out of prison…

Were her prayers heard?

miles away and years away
a tiny candle will flicker in the darkness.
A Yahrzeit light…a memorial

For 24 hours the flame will flicker
In a state of unsettled unstillness
Swaying this way and that
Dimming at times and then flashing brightly

For she who lived her life like a candle in the rain

Never Knowing....

Please visit Alica at: www.TwiceLost.org and TwiceLost.org/memorial.htm
She lives on in our hearts...and in the work to preserve natural families...

"Hope has two beautiful daughters. Their names are anger and courage: anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they don’t remain the way they are."
St. Augustine