Wednesday, November 12, 2008

We are Being Heard: Part II

We are a force to be reckoned with! The Catholic Exchange fear "anti-adoptions" are the cause of increased abortions. Old news...all of it.

In a very poorly written article that uses circular illogic, Heidi H. Saxton contradicts herself left and right. Heidi Hess Saxton is the author of "Raising Up Mommy" and founder of the Extraordinary Moms Network, an online resource for mothers of adopted, fostered, and special needs children. She and her husband foster-adopted their two children in 2002.

You need to read the whole article, but here are some highlights:

Saxton admits that whil there are people who want chidlren, and while thre are half a million kids needing fostering and possibly could be adopted - they are not wanted. She makes no apology for this fact of human behavior., nor doe sshe see any need for catholics or others to redress this imblanace and inhumanity.

Now...she is of course far more concerned with the babies of tens who she believes are being "pressured" to parent! Ignoring the very recent public announcments by Sarah Palin, and as if she lives in a time machine stuck in the 60's, Saxton says:

Women in crisis pregnancies who are considering adoption may have second thoughts when faced with the very real possibility that their “past” may come knocking on their door twenty or thirty years hence, disrupting their lives with demands and recriminations.

I am kind of offended that neither I, my book, nor Origins-USA was mentioned among the examples of anti-adoptionists. Instead she singles out and quotes from the very benign Adoption Mystique, along with:
grass roots, anti-adoption advocacy groups such as “Bastard Nation” and “Adoption: Legalized Ties” are seeking to discourage adoption, choosing rather to advocate for disgruntled adult adoptees and “natural parents,” including those whose children were taken from them because of abuse and neglect.

Part of the "attack" is on birthparents by adoptees is seeking their records. !!

Perhaps, my favorite quote is:
Adoption gives children wounded by the choices of their first parents a second chance to heal. Granted, it does not completely shield the child from the consequences of her first parents’ choices. There is no way to shield the child entirely — that is the nature of sin.

and this:

On the other hand, through adoption (even open adoption, in which the birth parents maintain a level of contact after the placement), a child is helped to make the most of their own natural giftings and eradicate the worst of their natural weaknesses.

She uses an actual limb amputation as an example of "getting over it"! As if a piece of flesh and bone with no soul is comparable to one's family!!! Was she absent the day her religion taught about human beings - like the unborn babies she advocates for - having a SOUL?!

We cannot change history; we can only acknowledge and learn from it, grieve our losses, forgive those who have hurt us … and move forward.

Heidi - human beings are unique and different. Did anyone teach you that? You admit that not all adoptive parents are perfect...why then do you group together all adoptees and beleive they shoudl all feel like your sister who lost her lefg? Can you understand that they each have their own way of dealing with their loss? Some may! Some may feel very, very differently.

And don't even get me started about rights! Adult adoptees, you claim, have no right to use the "best interest" argument and have no right "violate" alleged promises that were never made! Why are you so concerned about the rights of those you refer to as sinners???

Adoptees are not all of one mind. neither are mothers who lose their childre - voluntariliy or involuntarily. neher are all ypu group ogether as 'anti-adoptionist" of one mind or share the same mission or goals? BN has quitea different agenda than Legalized Lies! prhaps as different as you, as a Ctaholic difefr in your vbeleifs from Sarah palin's Pentecostal Assembly of God. And thank goodness...because SHE saw the path of life without loss for her duaghter and grandchild. All pro-lifers shoudl take a lesson from her on that one.

Adoption involves a major loss and should NOT en encouraged or promoted - it should always be a LAST RESORT after all attempts at keeping a family together have failed!

And - Heidi - please read my book (The Stork Market) if you want some anti-adoption material to argue!


maybe said...

I was insulted by her implied generalization that all natural parents are/were abusive and that is the reason the child has issues surrounding adoption.

Heidi Hess Saxton said...

Interesting perspective, and I'm surprised you bothered to mention my little article at all if it was all that irrelevant. As it was, you seem to have barely read it ... you mischaracterize my position throughout.

The "phantom parent" imagery did not originate with me, but from a newspaper article quoted in "The Adoption Mystique." The metaphor related to COPING with loss.

The fact that you object to my beliefs about natural law and the order of the family neither surprises nor concerns me. Your mockery is a weak attempt to escape the inconvenient truth that when the proper order of the family is disrupted, the children suffer most.

I have experienced all three sides of the adoptive triad in my immediate family, and spend a great deal of time encouraging Catholics and other Christians to consider foster-adoption. That you came away with anything other than this is nothing short of willful ignorance. Grow up, and try a little RESPECTFUL dialogue.

You don't have to agree with someone to dialogue respectfully. The co-founder of Bastard Nation got in touch with me about the article, and his remarks have induced me to write a second article based on the information he provided. When I see posts like yours, on the other hand, the dialogue ends before it begins.

You probably won't publish this. But I hope it gives you food for thought.

AdoptAuthor said...


I was so SHOCKED at the bias put forth in your opinionated and inaccurate article - I used my person blog to vent.

If you would like to conduct a serious intellectual discussion, I would be more than pleased to do so.

We could begin with a point of total agreement: "when the proper order of the family is disrupted, the children suffer most."

This is the very definition of family Preservation and why we support keeping NATURAL families together and equal access and reunification for adoption separated family members, unlike you who writes AGAINST any attempt to reunify natural families torn apart by MAN MADE UNNATURAL adoption laws - in existence in the US only since the 1940s and unheard of in many areas of the world because they are so very contrary to the natural order of things.

AdoptAuthor said...

BTW - Obviously you udnerestimate dme in assumign i would not post your comment.

I wish I could say the same for the Catholic Exchange. Perhaps they have been so overwhelmed with objections to your piece...but I have yet to have my registration approved, and I feel very confident that there are many others waiting approval of their registration and.

You will be kept VERY busy of you try replying to all who object to your points of view.

The Improper Adoptee said...

The Catholics are the ones who MOCK-that is what Adoption and sealed records and "Birth Mother Privacy" is all about...what a way to "love each other" huh?

Stitchwitch D said...

I'm surprised that Ms Saxton doesn't list "The Handmaid's Tale" as one of her favorite movies. Wouldn't that be her dream come true?

RussiaToday Apr 29, 2010 on Russian Adoption Freeze

Russi Today: America television Interview 4/16/10 Regarding the Return of Artyem, 7, to Russia alone

RT: Russia-America TV Interview 3/10

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Motherhood, Adoption, Surrender, & Loss

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Bitter Winds

Adoption and Truth Video

Adoption Truth

Birthparents Never Forget