Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Tellin' Like it IS!!

 Did ya' ever wish you could be a fly on the wall and hear what PAPS and APS really think when they are not putting on the pretesne? Like hearing what bigots really think when they are not being PC!

Well someone gave us that window of opportunity.


The blog is called AdoptiveParentsSpeak...and do they ever!!
[Social worker] seemed too sympathetic of the mommies having babies that were having a hard time giving them up than she did the parents trying to adopt… it was like she was confused as to which side she needed to advocate for.

Infant adoption is a catch 22. Mothers of good genetic stock aren’t screwed up enough to give thier [sic] newborn babies away to strangers…..If a mother is unfit enough to give away her baby she is unfortunatly [sic] not only unfit enough to parent but is also unfit where she shouldn’t be breeding and spreading her inferior genes....Birthmothers tend to come from families with drug abuse and alcholism [sic]....With donor eggs and surrogacy thier baby comes from a genetic legacy of beauty, health and intellegence [sic] and is born by the miracle of science and a strong healthy surrogate.
With adoption the baby is born with a genetic legacy of underachievers, family abuse and irresponsiblity [sic].  Note: This comments also contains: "trailer park white trash" and "Jerry Springer"yet note all the miss-spellings by the genius who wrote it!

There's lots more where this came from!  Make sure you bookmark it to share with anyone considering adoption!

I shared it on an email list I'm on with adoption professionals and adoptive parents and thy went BALLISTIC!!

"Cutting and pasting nasty and insensitive comments of adoptive parents collected from here and there promotes peace and love..." DUH.

"...out of the many thousands of adoptive families they found half a dozen who said some crass things! Most adoptive families are wonderful people, and most birthmoms are good people making what seems to be the best possible decision for their child that they can make under the circumstances."

REALLY??? The best possible decision? That's just a more polite insult than the other more direct one's!  And what about those who are duped, coerced, pressured, exploited? Is it their "best possible decsion" to be treated thusly?

One honest attorney adoptive and foster parent wrote: "...if you haven't heard similar things from more than 'half a dozen' people you haven't been paying attention. Frankly, if you are an adoptive parent and you haven't said something hurtfully similar in private discussions, then you are a saint." 


I am well aware that enlightened people do not speak this way. Polite people don't speak this way.

However I feel while it is hurtful, it is also helpful and informative to see behind the curtain every now and then. We need to be aware that
racism, anti-semitism, sexism, etc still exist even if they are not spoken aloud, lest we become too complacent and lulled into a false reality that we live in a kinder world than really exists.

It has been pointed out in several studies reported in the Journal of Social Distress and Homelessness special issue on "Adoption across race, culture and class" (*that I HIGHLY recommend you all get) that it is not helpful and actually counterproductive to hide our heads in the sand and pretend interracially adopted children aren't going to be subjected to discrimination because the world is now "color-blind."  It is more helpful to face these issues honestly and help prepare children to deal with the ugly realities of life.

Expectant mothers, likewise, need to know that some think this way of them!   It is the ugly, raw truth!  Better they learn it beforehand because I can guarantee you they will be faced with hearing these comments all of their lives! I know because I do! i have been told "any dog can give birth." And I cannot count the number of times some self-righteous single mother told me she'd NEVER give away her own child - "How could ANYONE!!" I live with this discrimination and know it's true. I know that we are thought of as crack whores - it's an on-going joke amongst us all! Claudia D'Arcy even has a tee shirt that says This is what a Crack Whore Birthmother looks like, or some such. You can see it here.

Why did BN take the name they did? Why does DMC sing "I'm LEGIT!" We all know what is said behind our backs and sometimes to our faces!  We need to get real and face these ugly truths.

The only way to educate against such sentiments and misconceptions is to first face up to them honestly and admit they exist!!

*Vol. 7, Special issue 1 & 2, Feb 2008. Eds: Rafael Art, Javier and Amanda L. Baden, Psycke-Logo Press. ISSN 1053-0789


Sunday Koffron said...

Mirah, I whole heartedly agree…the truth is important. That these things are being said is important and people really should know and be giving a chance to think and talk about it constructively. Just like dealing with issues of race, ignoring it does not make it not happening. People deserve to know that there are other sides of child welfare and adoption, that there as many stories and sides to them as there are, mothers, children and adoptive parents. Sweeping it under the rug or pretending that it is all simple and black and white serves no one.

Anonymous said...

Adoptism is alive and well,in fact thriving.Von

RussiaToday Apr 29, 2010 on Russian Adoption Freeze

Russi Today: America television Interview 4/16/10 Regarding the Return of Artyem, 7, to Russia alone

RT: Russia-America TV Interview 3/10

Korean Birthmothers Protest to End Adoption

Motherhood, Adoption, Surrender, & Loss

Who Am I?

Bitter Winds

Adoption and Truth Video

Adoption Truth

Birthparents Never Forget