Did anyone other than me catch last night's Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson?
Stephen Fry, British actor, writer, comedian, author, television presenter and film director, was a guest.
Fry is British however he spoke of almost being born in Princeton, NJ. He said that once he heard that story, he began to imagine a double or alternate Stephen Fry - his American counterpart. This alter Stepehen would by physiclaly the sme, except as he noted, perhsps a bit thinner, heaver, more fit or less, lonmger or shortr hair.
But, he theorized, would this American born version of himself have the same personality, temperment, sense of humor, life view?
And all of this speculation - it seemed - was based merely on the place of his birth - not switch in who had raised him.
The answer is obviously that he would not be the same person because our environment does effect who we are.
And what is also obvious is that every adopted person has this imaginary double-shadow life. Who would they be had they been kept? What would not only their life be like (rich, poor) but what would THEY be like? In what ways would they be a different human being having grown up not having to wonder who they look like or why they were given away? Would they be more confident? More secure?
As mothers who experienced a traumatic loss, we also wonder what our lives - and we - would be like had we been given the option to not have lost our children.
I have heard mothers over and over say that it effects every aspect of their lives from choice of career to interpersonal relationships. So, we too have an imaginary shadow life with the addition of a child and the loss of all pain, grief and anger.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Fraud and Kidnapping Casts a Cloud on Guatemalan Adoptions
It's official! This article, with photos, will be appearing in the December issue of Adoption Today which will be available in approximtely three weeks.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
'Nother Adoption Movie
ony Pictures Classics announced today that they've picked up the TIFF hit Mother and Child starring Annette Bening, Naomi Watts, Samuel L Jackson and Kerry Washington.
The Rodrigo García adoption drama focuses onthree women: A 50-year-old woman, the daughter she gave up for adoption 35 years ago, and an African American woman looking to adopt a child of her own.
The Rodrigo García adoption drama focuses onthree women: A 50-year-old woman, the daughter she gave up for adoption 35 years ago, and an African American woman looking to adopt a child of her own.
Release Date: 10 February 2010 (Belize)
Monday, November 2, 2009
Haiuku
I never attempted haiku prior to yesterday, when it was suggested by AdoptionTalk as a way to express our loss and unending grief during National Adoption Seperation and Loss Month.
I am not sure if any of these "right" or proper hiaku, but I have written a bunch:
taken far too soon
sacrificed at the alter
summer secret shame
mother's milk unsuckled
unending tears engulf me
babe gone but ne'er forgotten
child of mine no more
others claimed her and renamed her
payment for my sin
in winter's snow she left
in heavenly peace at last
i remain in hell
I am not sure if any of these "right" or proper hiaku, but I have written a bunch:
taken far too soon
sacrificed at the alter
summer secret shame
mother's milk unsuckled
unending tears engulf me
babe gone but ne'er forgotten
child of mine no more
others claimed her and renamed her
payment for my sin
in winter's snow she left
in heavenly peace at last
i remain in hell
Not Feeling Celebratory This November About Adoption?
It's November. That glorious time of year when our nation has decided to dedicate the entire 30 days to a celebration of the joys of adoption. A month-long pro-adoption promotion of separating families in order to recreate false ones! Hip-Hip Hooray.
A joyous tribute to the baby brokers, flesh peddlers, kidnappers and child traffickers who make it all possible! Hallelujah!
A pat on the back to all the egocentric, affluent, privileged who can afford to use their money to exploit and destroy families instead of using it to help them battle the crisis they face....and a major recruitment effort to encourage more and more and more loss and grief. Yipee!
Americans will tsk tsk as numbers of kids allegedly languishing in orphanages worldwide and photos of foster kids are USED (in the most negative sense of that word) in every form of media and venue eager to focus on this heartwarming save-the-children story...while in reality those in need are ignored and left behind because they are too old, or to "damaged" or because their mothers are too close by. Whoopie!
So what will do about it?
The Adopted Feminist has a brilliant idea for "those of who find nothing to celebrate in adoption... those of us for whom adoption just equates with grief and loss... those of us who want adoption stopped" or drastically changed!
She (or he) came up with some things that might help us deal with it:
Here are mine:
A joyous tribute to the baby brokers, flesh peddlers, kidnappers and child traffickers who make it all possible! Hallelujah!
A pat on the back to all the egocentric, affluent, privileged who can afford to use their money to exploit and destroy families instead of using it to help them battle the crisis they face....and a major recruitment effort to encourage more and more and more loss and grief. Yipee!
Americans will tsk tsk as numbers of kids allegedly languishing in orphanages worldwide and photos of foster kids are USED (in the most negative sense of that word) in every form of media and venue eager to focus on this heartwarming save-the-children story...while in reality those in need are ignored and left behind because they are too old, or to "damaged" or because their mothers are too close by. Whoopie!
So what will do about it?
The Adopted Feminist has a brilliant idea for "those of who find nothing to celebrate in adoption... those of us for whom adoption just equates with grief and loss... those of us who want adoption stopped" or drastically changed!
She (or he) came up with some things that might help us deal with it:
- Sign up to National Blog Posting Month and blog your feelings around adoption every day for a month
- Light a candle for someone or something you lost through adoption
- Make a collage
- Raise money for a family preservation charity
- Cry
- Write a letter to someone adoption separated you from
- Volunteer for a charity that mentors/supports families at risk of family breakdown
- Plant a rose
- Take a whole day out of your life to pamper yourself in
- Buy yourself a book on dealing with adoption issues
Here are mine:
- Call a freind you know is suffering adoption loss
- Support a unmarried mother
- Wear black all month (or a black arm band) and hope lost of people ask you why
- Donate to an organization such as Origins-USA, the ONLY voice of activism for mothers who lost children to adoption
- Write to Hillary Clinton and Michelle and Barack Obama; your Senators, Congresspersons and Representatives and tell them to stop increasing the tax credit every year: For details and letter-writing suggestions, go to: Fight Proposed Adoption Tax Increase
- Donate to SOS Village or Save the Children - organizations that help children remain with their families!
- Write letters to the editor of your local newspaper
- Remember that the best revenge is not letting the
bastardsevil doers get you down! - Explain Family Preservation to as many people as you can (see explanation in right hand column here)
- Pass this one. Blog all month. Be a myth-buster!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Being With My Canadian Counterparts!
At the conference we met the most wonderful octogenarian professor (L) in photo with Wendy (R).
With Karen Lynn, Pres, CCNM
Aside from the day I presented, however, I decided to spend my time in Toronrto not at a feminist conference, but in the company of my canadian sistres of the Canadian Council for Natural Mothers who were hostesses with the most!
Karen and I unexpectedly caught a pre-halloween Night of the Living Dead Zombie parade
The following day, Karen and her reunited son Doug served as tour guides along with Narissa Hutchinson (center). All photo credits: Karen Lynn
Ontario Opens It's Adoption Records to Adoptees and Mothers Alike!
In a move never even attempted here in the states, Ontario succeeded in getting the records opened unilaterally!
You can now read the whole story of how they did this in the cover story of the latest AAC Decree, Vol. 26, No 3 "Adoption Disclosure the Canadian Way" available as a PDF file by request. Drop me an email and Ill send it as I cannot attach PDF files here. :-(
The genesis of the article was related in my post of April 28, 2009, entitled: The AAC Part II: Rekindling Long Standing Issues...Whose Rights? where I describe having been called a communist for even suggesting that we change our language from the rights of adult adoptees to the rights of persons separated by adoption.
Many at the AAC were outraged for my suggestion and when I brought up Canada as an example of having accomplished it, I was attacked by the misbelief that it was because of going after rights for both parties to the adoption that caused there to be a veto added to the Ontario legislation. Not so retorted Michael Grand, a Canadian LDA and member of CCNM and Karen Lynn who perused the issue with the AAC and were thus given the opportunity to explain it all in the Decree.
While in Toronto recently and able to spend time with Karen Lynn, president of CCNM, we discussed at length why this was possible there and why we re hot so hard here with the lie that mothers were promised anonymity (which is why they have they the veto as we do in many states here as well without attempting anything at all for mothers who are also party to the OBC).
Karen believes it lies in the difference between civil rights and human rights. She pointe dout that civil rights is a very American concept. The rest of the world thinks in terms of human rights and n thus mothers are humans to! What a concept!! Imagine that!
I, of course, being American and far more cynical, believe it is just one more aspect of the over-reaching greed of unregulated capitalism running as it does, out of control, and the power of lobbyists such as the NCFA - the perpetuated of the anonymity promise myth.
In any case it is an important read. As more and more mothers claim their empowerment, I hope that we stand together and demand this human right -- not to the amended, but to the OBC and that we stop allowing adoptees to use us to aid THEIR fight for THEIR rights while absolutely refusing to see that we have any rights whatsoever to papers that came into existence prior to any adoption and that are as much ours as theirs as we are BOTH parties to the document...and also that they are shreds of evidential proof that tie us to our children...other than stretch marks, painful memories and grief. The OBC is ours just as much as the OBC of any other child we bore is ours.
Human rights begins with US recognizing OUR humanness!
You can now read the whole story of how they did this in the cover story of the latest AAC Decree, Vol. 26, No 3 "Adoption Disclosure the Canadian Way" available as a PDF file by request. Drop me an email and Ill send it as I cannot attach PDF files here. :-(
The genesis of the article was related in my post of April 28, 2009, entitled: The AAC Part II: Rekindling Long Standing Issues...Whose Rights? where I describe having been called a communist for even suggesting that we change our language from the rights of adult adoptees to the rights of persons separated by adoption.
Many at the AAC were outraged for my suggestion and when I brought up Canada as an example of having accomplished it, I was attacked by the misbelief that it was because of going after rights for both parties to the adoption that caused there to be a veto added to the Ontario legislation. Not so retorted Michael Grand, a Canadian LDA and member of CCNM and Karen Lynn who perused the issue with the AAC and were thus given the opportunity to explain it all in the Decree.
The Canadian law goes far further than i have ever thought to suggest. I was speaking about equal access to the ORIGINAL BC. They have gotten equal access to both the original and amended!
While in Toronto recently and able to spend time with Karen Lynn, president of CCNM, we discussed at length why this was possible there and why we re hot so hard here with the lie that mothers were promised anonymity (which is why they have they the veto as we do in many states here as well without attempting anything at all for mothers who are also party to the OBC).
Karen believes it lies in the difference between civil rights and human rights. She pointe dout that civil rights is a very American concept. The rest of the world thinks in terms of human rights and n thus mothers are humans to! What a concept!! Imagine that!
I, of course, being American and far more cynical, believe it is just one more aspect of the over-reaching greed of unregulated capitalism running as it does, out of control, and the power of lobbyists such as the NCFA - the perpetuated of the anonymity promise myth.
In any case it is an important read. As more and more mothers claim their empowerment, I hope that we stand together and demand this human right -- not to the amended, but to the OBC and that we stop allowing adoptees to use us to aid THEIR fight for THEIR rights while absolutely refusing to see that we have any rights whatsoever to papers that came into existence prior to any adoption and that are as much ours as theirs as we are BOTH parties to the document...and also that they are shreds of evidential proof that tie us to our children...other than stretch marks, painful memories and grief. The OBC is ours just as much as the OBC of any other child we bore is ours.
Human rights begins with US recognizing OUR humanness!
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