Those Who Can, DO! Part II

It was May 2010 when I wrote Part I of this post: Those who can, do. 

I am revisiting this because the controversy is VIRAL.  Those who can DO. Those who do NOTHING, COMPLAIN about those who do.

I am well aware that all grassroots movements have schisms. The civil rights movement had the Blank Panther extremists who advocating change by force. They still have their Rev. Alan Shartpon, a lone wolf who goes of his own campaigns, sometimes achieving a label for himself of clown or buffoon.

Adoption reform is kind of like Christianity in that that it is an umbrella title under which you have some recognized religions and also some lesser known cultish clans on the outer limits who practice non-traditional things like snake handling, or multiple marriage....far smaller than mainstream, but often they generate quite a bit of media attention simply for their odd positions.

In our movement we likewise have a couple of fringe groups.  There are no "B" worders, the BSE mothers and the senior mothers who may or may not be all the same people. Like religions that focus on one word or phrase in the entire bible to base their entire belief system, these mothers focus on one word as being the cause of adoption coercion.

On the adoptee side, the rock throwing, name-calling, do-nothing-but-complain contingent does nothing other than tell everyone else what they are doing wrong.  Let's explore the FACTS underneath all the hyperbole:

Marley, "Damsel Plum" and BN take credit for the Oregon access bill: Measure 58. Access in Oregon was passed via REFERENDUM, financially made possible by one Helen Hill.  What BN seems to refuse to understand or accept is that a referendum is a very different process than many other states have available to them. 

Once the language of the referendum is set in place the voters get to vote for or against. 

In states that do not provide this option, or where there is no one to fund it as there was in Oregon (Helen Hill)...we have to: 1) convince a legislator to sponsor the bill, then work on obtaining co-sponsors. 2) the bill then works it way through committee which more often than not amend its original language, 3) it has to pass BOTH the assembly and the senate, and4) it then has to get signed by the Governor. 

As opposed to a referendum, where you are dealing with a yes or no and public opinion... when dealing with POLITICIANS they love COMPROMISE! BN has NEVER done this work, but they complain about how others are dealing with these difficulties. 

BN takes credit for jumping on the bandwagon in some other states like NH. But they have never fought in a state with the opposition that NJ faced for THIRTY-ONE YEARS!

Marley Greiner - the loudest of the name calling complainers need to clean up her own back yard first.  Marley's home state, Ohio, has one of THE WORST bills in the nation that allows for access ONLY for adoptees born prior to 1964 or AFTER 1996! 

As I understand it, NJ-CARE PULLED a bill with year restrictions! Why didn't BN do this in OH?? Why don't they go back and fix it now instead of telling everyone else what to do or not do? 

The NJ bill that Marley is so vehemently opposed to has a ONE YEAR opt-IN veto requiring a certified letter. The NJ legislators were dead set on an opt-OUT veto! This was a major compromise and experience tells us that precious few mothers will opt-in. Further, those few adoptees that MIGHT be affected by this during that one year window will still receive their OBC, albeit redacted. They will still know where and when they were born and maybe even another parent's name. After 31 years, NJ-CARE chose WISELY to accept this rather than throw ALL NJ adoptees under the bus for perhaps another 31 years. 

BN knocks compromise because they do not understand a process they have never participated in. And that in itself would be bad enough, but they go on to use demeaning language to put down the efforts of those who have worked their buts off, in the case of NJ for 31 years! AND...they don't stop there...they try to defeat bills that those in state have worked on and believe is the best option. They show no respect whatsoever for state autonomy and the knowledge of those who live in and work with their local lawmakers. Every state is unique. in NJ, for instance, we had the Bar Assoc and ACLU OPPOSING - where in other states these orgs were silent or in some cases the ACLU even supported access. 

Marley/BN need/s to fix OHIO before she has any right to point a finger toward any other state in the union!

One of Marley's pet arguments is that bad laws have never been revisited.  Why doesn't she work to set a new example and do just that?  We know for a fact that laws CAN and ARE enacted incrementally. In fact adoption records in many states, including NJ, were sealed incrementally - first to the public and then to all, including adoptees and their original families. it CAN be done! It's been done with anti-smoking laws and examples too numerous to list. It CAN be done, why doesn't Marley even TRY?

Marley's pet cause is Safe Haven - baby dumps. She has spoken about this at many conferences and has exorbitant amounts of research on it, following specific cases.  Yet, gee whiz, despite all her best efforts, Safe Havens have been enacted in EVERY state!  She was unsuccessful in stopping them! Does anyone demean her for her best efforts that weren't enough?  I have never heard one word spoken - let alone written -  to that effect.  No one diminishes her efforts though they were unsuccessful. We all know and respect that she did her darnedest - her very best effort - and it just wasn't enough to fight the adoption INDUSTRY. But she can't give the rest of us the same respect.

Why can't we simply recognize that we are all players ON THE SAME TEAM - all seeking the same goal - but perhaps with some varying strategies about how to get that winning point? Is being so contentious between us really helpful? Is it the best use of our time, energy, focus, resources? Does it actually fuel our REAL enemies when we in-fight?

We need to learn how to disagree with more political savvy!

I fully appreciate and support letting legislators know that bills do not go FAR ENOUGH! This is in fact my position in NJ. But we need to act with caution when we send messages - and advocate others send messages - with "VOTE NO" in the subject line, instead of expressing the not far enough aspect. Letters with "VOTE NO" in the subject line, as BN advocates, simply go into a NO file, right along with those of NCFA and RTL!

In addition to all this, Marley is also attacking a petition to declare a National Adoptee Rights Day.  A petition with one simple goal: to educate the public that this is a civil rights issue and to demand "unconditional" and "unrestricted" access!  Doesn't get any more PURE, yet she campaigned telling people NOT to sign it because she doesn't like me personally. This shows a total lack of political savvy and maturity! It's in fact called shooting ones-self in the foot as it would help all of us in all states.

UPDATE 5/16/11: The anger has escalated to threats of violence.  An adoptee on Facebook calls for shooting someone he specifically names - not even for her politics - but rather "for being a birthmom / slut."  He then names on to be the first - oddly, not me!


Very scary, highly incendiary and a terroristic threat. 

See New Posting: May 17