Tuesday, April 26, 2011

It's Infertility Awareness Week

What is this graphic saying? Clearly the message is that if you can't have a kid of your own...after trying...the booby prize is adoption!  And a kid of color is the newest "in" thing this season! 

The photo leaves us with little doubt that the smiling lady did NOT "resolve" her infertility medically!

Adoption does not resolve infertility.

According to the Mayo Clinic, approximately 15 percent of married heterosexual couples are infertile. It do s not include singles and same sex couples also seeking to be parents.

Infertility awareness should be focusing on these PREVENTION measures:

1. Delaying childbirth into your is risky business. Pregnancy is possible, but...
  • A number of different problems characterize the ability to achieve pregnancy over 35. There is a noticeable decline in the fertility rate starting at age 35 to a level of about 10% per month.
  • he pregnancy risk over 35 is higher as well as evidenced an increase in the miscarriage rate and the incidence of genetic abnormality in pregnancy. At 35, the miscarriage rate is 25% and the risk of Down syndrome becomes about 1/350. 35 is the age at which genetic testing in pregnancy is first recommended since the chance of picking up an abnormality is greater than the risk of the procedure used to find it.
  • There is a sharp decline in a woman’s ability to achieve pregnancy over age forty. The fertility rate per month is only about 5% and even with in Vitro Fertilization (IVF), the most successful infertility treatment available, the pregnancy rate is only about 10% per try. This is due to the greatly reduced number of normal eggs remaining in the ovaries of a woman over forty. 
  • Estimates from embryo biopsy reveal that at least 90% of a woman’s eggs are genetically abnormal when a woman is over 40. This is explains the increased pregnancy risk over 40. The miscarriage rate is 33% at age 40. Genetically abnormal pregnancies are more common as well with an incidence of 1/38 at age 40.
  • Women over 45 have less than a 1% chance of getting pregnant using their own eggs.
  • Research also shows that older women who have recently given birth are more likely to develop breast cancer in the 15 years following the birth than their peers of the same age who have never had children.
2. Smoking cigarettes or marijuana increases infertility, especially by reducing sperm counts.

3. Obesity or being too thin increase infertility. A body weight close to the ideal for your height to reduce the possibility of hormone imbalances. This is very important for men as well as for women.

4. Excessive alcohol consumption is may damage eggs or sperm.

5. Environmental contaminants and chemical exposure is a risk factor. 

6. STDs that go undetected and untreated can damage the reproductive system and cause infertility. If you think you may have an STD, get treatment promptly to reduce the risk of damage to your reproductive system. Make sure you know how to use a male condom and/or how to use a female condom.
  •  Chlamydia and gonorrhea are important preventable causes of infertility. Untreated, about 10-15% of women with chlamydia will develop pelvic inflammatory disease (PID). Chlamydia can also cause fallopian tube infection without any symptoms. PID and “silent” infection in the upper genital tract may cause permanent damage to the fallopian tubes, uterus, and surrounding tissues, which can lead to infertility.
  • An estimated 2.8 million cases of chlamydia and 718,000 cases of gonorrhea occur annually in the United States.
  • Most women infected with chlamydia or gonorrhea have no symptoms.
  • CDC recommends annual chlamydia screening for all sexually active females 25 and under and for women older than 25 with risk factors such as a new sex partner or multiple partners.
7. Male infertility accounts for 40-50% of all infertility, according to wikipedia. The Mayo Clinic however reports that in about 20 percent of cases, infertility is due to a cause involving only the male partner. In about 30 to 40 percent of cases, infertility is due to causes involving both the male and female. In the remaining 40 to 50 percent of cases, infertility is due entirely to a cause involving the female.
  • Drugs, alcohol and smoking play a major role as does strenuous bike and horseback riding.
  • Anabolic steroids taken to stimulate muscle strength and growth can cause the testicles to shrink and sperm production to decrease.
  • Often treatable, problems with sexual intercourse or technique may affect fertility. Difficulties with erection of the penis (erectile dysfunction), premature ejaculation, painful intercourse (dyspareunia), or psychological or relationship problems can contribute to infertility. Use of lubricants such as oils or petroleum jelly can be toxic to sperm and impair fertility.
  • As in women, malnutrition and obesity are factor sin male infertility.
  • Often disregarded, the age of the male partner IS also a factor. Men older than age 40 may be less fertile than younger men, according to the Mayo Clinic.
This should be a required part of every HS student's health classes!  

Decreased fertility in and of itself might actually be a blessing, as the planet is reaching a population of 7 billion; 9 billion by 2045 according to National Geographics, Dec. 2010. But in industrialized countries, which have lower birth rates to begin with, the infertile community turns to medical science for "cures" and when that fails, they turn to adoption.

The fact that the birth rate is far higher in less industrialized parts of the world means a continued flow of children from there to here...as illustrated in the graphic above.,.all justified by the persistent rescue and better life mythology that pervades adoption.

The current mind-set is, well, you can always "just" adopt!  This MUST change! Not only does it create demand for babies that are too often filled with exploitation, coercion, and corruption including kidnapping and stealing babies to be trafficked for adoption, it does NOT resolve infertility and often leads to children being raised by people for whom they are a disappointment that will never measure up to the fantasy baby they never were able to have. This in turn leads to child abuse and terminated adoptions.

We must stop financing the multi-billion dollar infertility industry AND the multi-billion dollar adoption industry. This can be accomplished through prevention education.  THAT and that alone is what infertility awareness should be about.

Adoption must return to being about finding homes for children in REAL need, not filling a demand! Morality and ethics demand it.


Anonymous said...

What about those who were unable to "prevent" their infertility? What do they do, then? Are you against all infertility treatments?

I'm all for education, and I agree that adoption does not resolve infertility. As an infertile woman I am always offended when people say "just adopt" as we have decided that is not an option for us due to the ethical issues, some of which you've spoken about.
But how about making infertility treatment affordable? How about forcing insurance companies to cover IVF and treat the underlying causes of infertility, most of which are not covered? Wouldn't that reduce "demand" for adoption? What are your ideas for the already infertile?

Mirah Riben said...

Glad you agree that adoption is not the solution!

No, I am not "against" medical treatment for anyone for any cause. As for insurance coverage, I would insist upon limits. I do NOT think we all need to share the outrageous expenses incurred when infertility treatments result in women birthing LITERS of underweight preemies that require NICU care at THOUSANDS a DAY! And that's not the end of it. Many of those preemies will need special ed and that burdens the taxpayers for 18 years for each child. Many need one-on-one care all throughout school! The burden to society because someone could not just accept being infertile is unconscionable and way out of proportion IMHO.

Nor do I believe we should all share the cost of EVERYONE who seeks to become pregnant, such as women in their 50 and 60s...the latest I read was ZsaZsa Gabor's husband wanting to give her a surrogate baby before she dies! PREPOSTEROUS!!

NO. I do not support those things. But it is not not my issue. If it's yours, I encourage you to pursue it.

I merely want to reduce infertility that IS preventable and thereby reduce some of the demand-driven adoption that commodifies children and exploits their families' tragedies. As you may notice the name of my blog is Family Preservation. That's where I am coming from. Treating disease is way out of my expertise. But then infertility is not a disease...though it is sometimes the result of one.

Fact is - and you won't like to hear this - but in the past, people simply ACCEPTED being childless as God's will. Now, they snatch up kids and try to pretend that God wanted them to have someone else's kid. A bit convoluted and far fetched!

I wish you the best of luck campaigning for whatever changes you wish to see. And thanks for knowing that adoption is corrupt more often than not.

Susie said...

Amen Mirah! Great post.

I am sorry for the women who suffer infertility. However, as you said, adoption does not cure infertility.

It saddens me that the words of those who suffer from adoption loss (the mothers, natural families, and the adopted) are ignored and adoption is still glorified by most as a "cure" for infertility and gay couples who want to parent a child.

Mirah Riben said...

I forgot somethign very important. I am also totally opposed to and would not support insurance coverage for any infertility treatment that involved the ANONYMOUS buying and selling of eggs or sperm.

I, too, feel compassion for those unable to bear children. I do. I likewise feel compassion for those who lose limbs, their vision, etc...but I would not donate a limb or an eye while I'm living! And neither my limbs nor my eyes would feel abandoned if I did.

KRT said...

Agreed, but to answer the first poster, while I have compassion for those who desire children and are unable to produce them, I cannot support mandatory insurance coverage for infertility/pregnancy treatment.

Pregnancy and childbearing are not 'health issues' in the sense that you will not survive without doing so, or that you will be crippled without treatment. These are options in life.

Yes, it may hurt tremendously to never fulfill that desire, but people deal with unfulfilled dreams and loss of those dreams every day.

No one owes anyone a kid, and the insurance pool that pays for infertility treatment will skyrocket the rates for the rest of us. Not right.

If an infertile couple not having a child would lead to loss of life or limb, sure, ok. But that simply isn't the situation.

Mirah Riben said...

KRT - health insurance pays for many non-life-threatening conditions from the common cold to preventative care such as MRI. So that is not a generally used criteria. However, there need to be limits as I suggested:

1. No insurance coverage for anonymous sale or purchases of sperm or eggs, including the extraction when the so-called "donor" is being paid;

2. No ins coverage for procedures which implant mutliple eggs and can result in the birth of more than twins;

3. No ins coverage for freezing unused fertilized eggs as these then get "adopted" anonymously!

We need these limitations to protect the children being created as well as to keep control of skyrocketing health costs!

Anonymous said...

Your ignorance about the complex reality of those who struggle with infertility are matched only by your schadenfreude (shameful joy) concerning those of us who struggle to live with it everyday of our lives. To those who preface your comments by saying that you have compassion for those who are infertile, I'm sorry but your follow up comments cancel out any so called "compassion" that you claim to possess. You cannot say that you have compassion or understanding of this complex medical condition, and then explain it away by blaming the victim for their condition, saying that it should not be treated, while still expecting people to believe you when you say you have compassion for us. Infertility is a condtion that is shrouded in stigma even in the 21st century, and comments such as the ones I have read on this site only serve to perpetuate the stigma and revictimize those of us who have lost control of our lives as a result of these conditions. I guess I can only expect such closemindedness from those who have never experienced infertility-and since many of you have had children through natural and even "accidental" means, you will never understand the reality that is infertility. Even if you suffer from "secondary infertility" it is not the same thing-you were at one point in your life able to have a child, even if at the end of the day you were unable to keep it. Do I sound unsympathetic to YOUR situations? Well, I at least have an excuse-I have never had a child because of my disability otherwise known as infertility.

Mirah Riben said...

OK, so let me get this straight: Your insensitivity and/or lack of compassion is justified or excused by your never having had a child much less had one you lost...but our lack of having never experience infertility - or primary infertility - is NOT an excuse.

Mirah Riben said...

OK, so let me get this straight: Your insensitivity and/or lack of compassion is justified or excused by your never having had a child much less had one you lost...but our lack of having never experience infertility - or primary infertility - is NOT an excuse.

Anonymous said...

Just understand that when you make comments that are abusive or dismissive to the experience of infertile people from all walks of life, you are heaping more scorn and promoting more suffering onto a group of individuals that already are suffering from being betrayed by their own bodies through no fault of their own, and who live under the shadow of their own stigma and trauma in our lives. If it makes you feel better to dismiss our situations as less important than yours or to paint us all as selfish and unethical monsters, who somehow did something to deserve our infertility, but to not be deserving of some way to fix it, then I guess that speaks volumes. I would like to have compassion for those who have lost their children to adoption, but when you cannot find any way to tell your story without tearing down another group who is suffering from their own agony, and condemn them for pursuing one of the only alternatives available to them, while you yourself had those ways open to you from the very start, I find it very hard to find sympathy or compassion for you. Would you like to see infertile persons who have no other choice but to adopt be villified in the eyes of others for making one of the only choices left to them to build a family? That is a very cruel thing to wish on people who have already suffered so much-a suffering, which I will repeat, since you are a natural mother, you know NOTHING about! It is very easy to judge and find fault with the choices of others when you have never found yourself in that situation, and never will. I have never been an unwed mother who was faced with the option to put my child up for adoption, so I will not judge what you went through. I only ask that you extend the same non-judgement to those of us who are trying to find our way out of a heartbreaking disability. Infertility is a condition that is only now being taken seriously in our world, and hateful attitudes and comments such as the ones in this article and in similar articles on this site do nothing to help challenge the stigmas that we already face. We need help to overcome our problem, we don't need more condemnation-especially from those who can get pregnant without problems! There is enough of those attitudes out there, thankyouverymuch!

Mirah Riben said...

You seem extremely angry and upset.

I wonder if you could calm down enough to tell me specifically what i said that implies I feel so compassion for those with infertility???

**** Did you even read the blog post you are comenting on?? ****

All I said was:

MANY causes of infertility are preventable. It does not say "all" infertility is, and I did not make up anything posted here. It was all obtained from infertility sites on the Internet. I'm not a doctor or an expert in the subject. But the FACTS i posted are incontrovertible and you have not debated the authenticity of any of these facts.

Are the facts lacking compassion? I don;t get it.

SAo, yes, I propose more EDUCATION on the PREVENTION of infertility that can be prevented. if that makes me a bad, evil person so be it.

Do you not think your life would have been better had to NOT suffered infertility? So what is wrong with being pro-PREVENTION programs??

Why is suggesting that being lacking in compassion. I don;t get it!!

I - and every mother I know who has lost a child to adoption - wishes it could have been prevented.

Why suffer a loss unnecessarily? I really do not get what your issue is with anything I have written.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I am angry-I guess I am in the right place, seeing as this is a site full of (self) righteous indignation!
While I accept that some of your FACTS about IF have truth to them, I object to the insensitive way that you present them-I DID read this blog entry, very carefully, and I resent the insinuation that the author makes that many causes of IF are in the fault of those who suffer from it-that it results from something that the person may/ may not have done.Do you have any idea how much self blame comes with a diagnosis of IF? I can tell you, there is a LOT, and it does nothing to help the person who suffers.There are many diseases/ disorders in our world today that can come from situations where a person's actions and choices may have had a role in bringing about their condition, while at the same time afflicts people through no fault of their own, but IMHO, how you got such a condition is irrelevant at the end of the day. I cannot judge someone who gets cancer because they are or have been a smoker-their situation is no less sad than someone who gets cancer through their genetics. I would't judge someone who contracts HIV/AIDS through sex or drug use-their situation is just as sad as someone who contracts it through a tainted blood transfusion. It is no different for those of us who struggle with infertility-it makes no difference how we came to be diagnosed with it-it is our reality, and we deserve no less compassion (or access to treatment) than anyone else who suffers with a life altering condtion.
I"d also like to respond to your flippant response to the first question in this section about the coverage of IF treatments. I know you are against adoption, but to be against the coverage of treatments that might give some of us a chance to have families of our own is arrogant and devoid of compassion. It's one thing to say that others can not have YOUR children, but to say that we should not have children at ALL if we all have to pitch in to pay for it?Let me ask you a question-you are in favour of all parents, regardless of age or economic status, being enabled/ empowered to keep their babies. Well,how do you expect for these parents to be able to afford this? They can use SA/welfare? Well, I have a problem with that, because even though I am IF, I pay taxes just like everyone else, and I have a HUGE problem with my hard earned tax $ going to support other people's children.Since I will never have children of my own, I don't see why my tax $ should go to pay for OTHER people's children to go to school, get medicine if they are sick,etc etc. If you are allowed to object to having your tax $ go towards programs that might help people like me, I don't see why I shouldn't be allowed to object to my tax $ being used to support OTHER people's children.If I and others like me have to live childfree because of your selfish hoarding of $ resources, then maybe you and your babies won't mind living on love rather than my $. Let me know how that works for you,ok?
1 last point-as you are so quick to point out-adoption is not a cure for infertility. But it doesn't take a genius to understand that adoption CAN be a cure for childlessness in the lives of some people who do not wish to live such a life. I am tired of fertile people who think that they have a right to dictate how we who are IF should live our lives. Such attitudes are typical of people who can take your fertility for granted. BTW If I ever start a blog that slams unwed young mothers, complete with cheeky/ sarcastic cartoons with such sentiments as "oops the condom broke" or "he swore I couldn't get pregnant the first time" you would be more than welcome to come onto it and comment-I will send you an engraved invitation.

Mirah Riben said...

I am glad you bring up cancer. Do we not have an AGGRESSIVE anti-smoking campaign to help PREVENT as much cancer as we can??? Do we not print warnings on cigarette packages and have TV ads warning people of the dangers of smoking and link between smoking and cancer, as well as the dangers of second-hand smoke?

All kinds of PREVENTIVE medicine is practiced such as vaccines, cancer screenings (mammograms, pap smears, colonoscopy). Are all these procedures "blaming" or "judging"?

You also mention HIV. I am a proponent of preventative medicine for ALL illnesses: heart disease, cancer, diabetes, HIV and all STD's. I think vaccinations are a good thing. I see NONE of these as blaming or judgmental. Looks at all the information today linking obesity and diabetes. Should we stop informing the public of this link because it might hurt some people's delicate feelings? Just ignore it, let them eat themselves to death? And let them allow their kids to eat improperly for their health???

I also favor wearing motorcycle and bicycle helmets. That's another form of PREVENTION of costly and life threatening issues.

I cannot help you. We disagree. I wish you well. Goodbye and good luck.

*** Admitting the connection and seeking to prevent future cases of a deadly disease is NOT about "blaming" or "judging." Facing up to the reality of the causes and working to prevent as many as possible is not blaming or judging!! *** Your mind is somehow distorted by your self-pity if you think it otherwise.

I asked you specifically if you'd rather have NOT been infertile and you did not answer?

As for my personal opinion about insurance coverage, it is this: I see no more reason to cover costly infertility attempts as I see coverage for Viagra. Neither the ability to have or maintain an erection or the ability to carry a pregnancy to term is a NECESSITY! Neither can kill you nor are they chronic ailments that are costly to the nation in terms of treatment and loss of work. Even eyeglasses and hearing aids are not covered by most health insurance and dental coverage is sorely lacking in this country. Those would be higher on my priority list than IF or impotence treatments. Sorry.

That's my opinion. You disagree. That is your right as it is my right to my opinion.

Mirah Riben said...


The purpose of adoption is to find homes for children who have no family able to provide them safe care. PERIOD! It is NOT to supply babies to those who want one! You can disagree with this, too, if you wish to, but children are NOT consolation prizes or salve for anyone's wounds. No one "owes" you, or anyone else, a child nor does your - or anyone's - "suffering" make you or them any more "deserving" of one! Children deserve the best possible parents at that might well be those who already have children. One's ability or inability to produce children has no connection whatsoever with one's ability to parent well!

“Regrettably, in many cases, the emphasis has changed from the desire to provide a needy child with a home, to that of providing a needy parent with a child. As a result, a whole industry has grown, generating millions of dollars of revenues each year . . .” The Special Rapporteur, United Nations, Commission on Human Rights, 2003.

Every adoption begins with a tragedy: a family unable to receive the help it needs or a child orphaned. I much prefer to work to PREVENT these tragedies, as well as prevent the suffering you speak of repeatedly caused by infertility when that can be prevented!!

The fact is that the demand for children is great and people are willingly paying tens of thousands of dollars for a child which creates exploitation, coercion, corruption, kidnapping and child trafficking for adoption. I seek to PREVENT as many of these unnecessary family disruptions to meet a demand s possible and one way is to help reduce the suffering caused by those forms of infertility that are preventable.

I do feel for you, I really do. I think you are wallowing in your admitted anger and your overwhelming feelings of victimization instead of moving forward. I hope you get the help you need to deal with these emotional issues. They are crippling you! I cannot help you and arguing with me is not going to resolve anything.

I also feel for the blind and for amputees but I do not believe any living person "owes" them an eye or a limb either!! I am huge proponent of organ donation and am myself an organ donor, but that is after death.

We protect the indigent from exploitation by disallowing payment for organ donation by disallowing payment for organs. not so in adoption! Money talks and allows for mass exploitation of mothers in impoverished nations.

This is a blog that supports families in crisis against the unnecessary loss of their children. The purpose is to reduce unnecessary adoption loss and separation and to stop the profiteering in adoption that commodifies children and exploits their families.

Again, we disagree. I wish you well. I hope you get help to deal with your anger and excessive self-pity. I cannot provide you that help.

Thank you for stopping by and adding your comments.

Anonymous said...

Mirah you are a complete BITCH in your response to the previous poster.

Mirah Riben said...

Thanks for stopping by to add so much to the discussion with your articulate comment.

If being a BITCH = BEING an INTELLIGENT, THINKING, CLEVER, HUMAN...than right on! You got me!

If being a BITCH Is BEING INTENSELY TUNED into the needs of CHILDREN in need of finding HOMES makes me a BITCH - I am PROUD to be a double barreled BITCH!

If being a bitch means protecting people from exploitation - bring it on!


I dream of a world in which anyone who wants a child and is able to care for a child, can have one and no one needs to prey on the vulnerable to take theirs from them. What a bitch I am!

Anonymous said...

No you merely mock those who have trouble, as above

Anonymous said...

(B) itter, (I) Idiotic/indignant (T) Terse (C) chastising, caustic (H) Hag

YEP that summarizes you Ms. "Haha we're fertile!! We expect the government to support irresponsible lifestyles of unwed moms who keep their kids, yet you are against fertility coverage for those "greedy" enough to put it on hold until they can support a child.

Anonymous said...

Well sorry for the anger and use of the b-word. However I am the mother of a preemie born at 28 weeks, who struggled to survive for 3 months in NICU, after which she finally came home to a healthy life 2 years ago. Your "litters of preemies" comment is a bit callous IMO. My tax dollars help support many women who were too irresponsible to use birth control (assuming it was not forced sex/rape), and nowhere have I seen complaints about the huge financial toll unwed teen moms take on this country. (No for the record I would not have considered adoption) All I see are the complaints about "litters of preemies" costing thousands of dollars a day ($950 was the neonatologist charge per day, not thousands, in her case - I know, I work and have insurance and pay the premiums), and the previous poster saying he/she did not want to pay extra premiums for infertility coverage. If I can support young single moms who keep their children, infertility coverage within reason should be supported as well.

So many other commenters elsewhere on this site have bashed women who have or have had fertility problems, so a backlash is a natural reaction. I fully support adoption reform and I abhor the baby-buyer type agencies, however the snarky remarks of other commenters on here make it harder.

Mirah Riben said...

I am lost by the dizzying comparisons and assumptions you make.

How exactly do your tax dollars go to "many women who were too irresponsible to use birth control"??? Are you assuming a correlation between lack of use of birth control - and having an unintended pregnancy, number one... and then a further assuming that every woman who has an unintended pregnancy is "on the dole"??? That's an awful lot of assumptions! The vast majority of human beings walking the planet were unintended, surprises. Married couples have unexpected pregnancies all the time! Many have birth control failure, or believe they are infertile - and surprise!

You then say: "nowhere have I seen complaints about the huge financial toll unwed teen moms take on this country." Really? You don't read newspapers much, do you? It was the biggest complaint of this nation all during the 60's and into the 70s. Now immigrants have become the scape goat de jur because there is better access to birth control. But there is still a major push to encourage adoption including a reality shows entitled "I'm having THEIR Baby!" and tax incentives for those who adopt!

Today, the majority of adoption placements are a result of finances - not unwed teens!!! On the one hand you have a family in a crisis they did not ask for. A child they cannot afford, maybe as a result of the parents loosing their jobs unexpectedly or loosing their homes because of an uncovered illness. This is the very purpose of government aid - to help people in temporary emergency situations.

What is the emergency in not being able to have a baby? Sad, yes. Disappointing, certainly. But an emergency requiring government aid? Absolutely not!

Anonymous said...

Where did I say GOVERNMENT aid for infertility? Nowhere. If I can pay for someone else's screwup an insurance company can help (again, within reason) those who pay for their coverage conceive 1 child. But since you mention government aid, public health systems in Europe don't have a problem helping these IF couples you and your commenters scorn day in and day out on here.

By "nowhere" I meant nowhere on this blog.

Temporary? Many on welfare not just teens have been for generations. I see it every day. Many have more kids while they're still on welfare, and many just for a bigger check. No excuse given the widespread access to birth control. And as for immigrants being scapegoats, they have access to it too. Public health clinics give it free or reduced cost. Postponing sex when you don't have reliable birth control does not cause psychological damage.

Anonymous said...

And p.s. if you had the same insurance I did when my daughter was born, I apologize if my expensive preemie clinging to life financially inconvenienced you.

Anonymous said...

As for married couples having an unexpected surprise, perhaps they don't use birth control because they know they can afford to take financial responsibility if they get a "surprise."

Sorry but your making fun of "litters of preemies" says volumes about your mindset. Just be glad you didn't say that to the face of an NICU mother.

And FYI speaking of that in relation to infertility treatment, IVF has rigid guidelines to go by to reduce the occurrence of multiple births, which Nadya Suleman's doctor broke. http://asrm.org/uploadedFiles/ASRM_Content/News_and_Publications/Practice_Guidelines/Guidelines_and_Minimum_Standards/Guidelines_on_number_of_embryos%281%29.pdf

And since then there have been even more calls in the ASRM community for more strict enforcement of these guidelines.

And comparing children to a prosthetic limb says volumes. VOLUMES.

Mirah Riben said...

Strict guidelines, huh? Guess someone forgot to tell Octomom's doctor!

And with that, comments are now closed.

Anonymous said...

He was stripped of his license

Anonymous said...

YES "Octomom's" doctor broke the guidelines and as a result got his medical license suspended. YES doctors can get their licenses revoked for stunts like that. Your last ridiculing comment was not surprising.

Yes, I'm a preemie mom calling you out for what you are. Yes I DARE you to say to a preemie mom's face "I shouldn't have to pay extra premiums so your child can survive."

Fuck you, you hateful cunt.

Anonymous said...

Mirah-if you are so comfortable with being, to quote yourself "a bad, evil person" or a B****, why do you respond like a childish shrieking harpy whenever someone else disagrees with you or dares to suggest that the world isn't as black and white as you believe it to be? Closing the comments when others dare to disagree with you-well, that is a sign of such staggering maturity, I'm just in awe. The other commenters on here who disagree with you are the only ones who show any good sense on this issue-of course you wouldn't let THEM speak-that might break up YOUR little pity party. Well, enjoy your fruitless pursuit to make the world a worse place to be-good will always win out in the end, and the other comments on this blog affirm this for me. Thank you-well not YOU-you know who I mean :)

Anonymous said...

One last comment before I stop wasting my time with this site and its "birth mother"-for those who would like REAL information about infertility and how it affects real people-information that is not filtered through a lens clouded by hatred and bias,I suggest that people check out the RESOLVE website. There you will get the real story about this medical condition and its varied solutions-not cures, solutions-that are meant to help those who suffer from it in ways that they can live with. Thank you
P.S. As far as I know, children do not come in liquid form. It's "litters" not "litres" Just thought you should know

Mirah Riben said...

Thnak you. As you can see, I DID post your nasty comments evebn though you doubted I would. In fact, I was willing to give you the last word yesterday. Didn't even reply. But since you needed to add more todeay, let me assure you that any FACTS aboiut cuases of infertility were all researched on Resolve and medical sites, like WebMD and gvt health sites.

Hate? No. I don't hate anyone because they are infertile. What many of us strongly dislike are feelings of entitlement to other people's children BECAUSE you cannot have your own. And if you don't like that, too bad. You have no God-given RIGHT to the demand that creates and perpetuates child trafficking for adoption, coercion,exploiation etc. ....a mega billion dollar industry to meet the DEMAND created mostly by infertile people. That is what we HATE!

Read Finding Fernanda. Read about how infertile women don't care and ignore OBVIOUS red lights like children being presented to them - the same photo and different names or vice versa. They KNOW they are dealing with unscrupulous baby brokers and they DON'T CARE as long as they get a child. Don't care if its stolen right out of a loving mothers arms.

Read about the Jennifer and Tim (?) Monahan who were ordered to return the child they adopted who was KIDNAPPED from a loving mother in Guatemala. And they have obey the court otdere to return her! SELFISH ENTITLED BASTARDS! That's what we hate.

Watch the domentary WO Ai Ne (I Love You) Mommy and watch the mother count our cash in her hotel room in China and say: some poeple will think this is wrong, but it's "just the way it's done." Again, not caring that she is supporting baby theives!

This is what we hate.

Mothers that send kids back on planes. Adopters who burn, beat, cage, starve and kill the children entrusted to them.

NO ONE OWES YOU A CHILD!! Get it?? Being infertile does not mean the world owes you a living or a child!

Deal witgh it! Foster a child. Send money overseas. Accept YOUR LIFE.

Anonymous said...

I am going to try to be respectful as I comment on this article, even thought the article and its author are the epitome of disrepect to the people I represent. If I slip into disrespectful comments I apologize, but I desire to tell a different truth about this issue than the ones presented on this site and in articles like this.I do not expect the author of this article to be respectful in return, but I hope that my POV will be presented in an attempt to tell a truth that I see as being absent from here. Here goes....
My spouse and I are infertile as the result of a birth defect that was improperly treated in childhood. This was confirmed by an infertility specialist who is an expert in infertility issues and who knows ALL of the causes of infertility-not just the ones that are listed here. My spouse and I were not made infertile because we are bad people or because we would not be good parents. We are not infertile because we "forgot" to have children-we are well within our childbearing age and have always intended to have a family once we were in a stable enough stage in our lives to be able to give that child what he/she needed. You, Ms Riben, were not made fertile because you are a good person, and you did not become a parent because you were deemed to be good enough to do so. The only reason you were "blessed" with a child is because you were sexually irresponsible at a time in your life when you were incapable of caring for the child that you conceived through your carelessness. (Continued)

Anonymous said...

(Continued) Maybe you were too immature or young-the two are not always synonmyous), maybe you were in an unstable situation in life-family wise or financially-I don't know your situation, but like you, I am free to make assumptions about how you got where you are today. The only difference is that infertility is caused my a myriad of causes, and unplanned pregnancy is caused by only one or two. Not all unfit parents get where they are by the same road, but many elements are the same. Your own carelessness and irresponsibility is what got you where you are today-you are responsible for the unintended pregnancy and child that you were incapable of providing the proper care for in that time and place. Unless you were sexually assaulted, you were a willing participant in the conception of that child you gave birth to so long ago. You had many choices preconception, and you cannot blame others for the choices that you yourself made. You are responsible for the choices that you made-not the IF/AP communities-YOU! Which brings me to...continued

Anonymous said...

continued You dared to ask another infertile commentator on this thread if he/she wished that they could have prevented their infertility in some way. This is an unfair question because not all causes of infertility can be prevented. Unplanned pregnancies on the other hand CAN and SHOULD be prevented by all the means available. I almost LOLed when I read your little list of "preventative measures" that you yourself endorse-bike helmets, anti smoking campaigns, etc. When did you become such an expert on on preventative measures-before or after you got pregnant by mistake? There is something called birth control that can be used by people who wish to have sex but who don't wish to risk the conception of a child that they cannot care for in that time and place in their lives. It's easily accessible for those who CHOOSE to use it and to use it properly. And if by some chance artificial methods are not available or to your liking, you could try the oldest most reliable form of BC-ABSTINENCE. It's free, virtually painless, and can be used until another form becomes available. No, incorrect bike riding doesn't count! I'm not suggesting lifelong celibacy, but you could have reduced your chances of becoming pregnant with a child you could not support by using some form of birth control. Don't you wish you had taken such precautions way back when? Wouldn't your life be better if you had? continued

Anonymous said...

continued You then go on to say that no one owes an infertile person a child. This may be true in theory, but you conveniently neglect to mention the other side of this equation-A CHILD IS NOT A PRIZE THAT YOU WIN FOR BEING IRRESPONSIBLE Raising children is a privilege, and you do not prove yourself worthy of this privilege by engaging in irresponsible behaviour-unsafe, irresponsibly timed sex, for example. If you were caught driving drunk, your car and license would be taken away from you-you would not be given a brand new car and freedom to drive it in a careless manner. Why should you be given a helpless baby in exchange for your carelessness? Why should you be granted the privilege of being a parent just because you had an "accident"-why should a child pay for your stupidity? I have often thought that ALL people who wish to become parents should have to prove that they are up to the task BEFORE they try to conceive one. Imagine what a world it would be then-if children were born to be raised only by those who proved that they were worthy of such a privilege? We might even be able to do away with the foster care system entirely-because only those who COULD parent effectively would be given the honour of doing so. And for those who were infertile but who proved their ability to be good parents-their fertility treatments would be fully covered by insurance. Imagine if those who prove themselves UNWORTHY to be parents had to pay for those of us who prove themselves to be worthy to do so to be able to enjoy the privilege. But I digress...continued

Anonymous said...

continued Your tone in this entire blog, Ms Riben, is diturbingly angry. I am especially disturbed by your tendency to blame everyone but yourself for your sad situation. I wish that you would take responsiblity for the role that you played in the mistakes that you made in your life, instead of putting all that blame onto the shoulders of others where it does not belong-people who have a right if not to a child, than to finding a solution to their problem that they themselves can live with. It is not the fault of the IF/AP communities that you got pregnant when you were unfit to raise a child in that time and place? It is not the fault of these communities that it was in your child's best interest to be raised by someone who wasn't you. It is not our fault that we cannot have children by natural means and so we must seek out alternate means to build our families, and it is not up to you to determine what means we are "morally obligated"to consider. You were foolish enough to make a child that you could not properly care for. That child needed a stable healthy home to grow up in immediately, not when you were "grown up" enough to provide it for them. How is this the fault of those who cannot conceive children of their own? I think we ALL know the answers to these questions.....continued

Anonymous said...

continued I am under no illusion that you will post any of my comments on this thread, or that I have in any way shifted your view of IF/AP. You see us the way you want to see us, in the simplest terms, and the most convenient definitions* I do hope that you will practice what you preach and seek professional help in an attempt to deal with your misdirected anger in a much healthier manner than you have done up to this point. I am hoping that you will let my comments stand as they are, and that you will not follow them up with a response that twists my words to meet your agenda. Please let your response be a silent one, at least this time. For once in your life, show some restraint and resist the urge to prove the unprovable-that you are 100% right about any of this. Adoption is not wrong in all cases. Not all adoptive families are successful-BUT SOME ARE. Not all natural families/birth families are successful-BUT SOME ARE. All families are complex and have their challenges, but all families need to be healthy ones. Families can only be healthy if the adults in them are responsible and emotionally mature enough to properly care for the children who are a part of them. "Family Preservation"-a noble pursuit to be sure, but only if the families that are being preserved are stable and healthy enough to care for the children who call them their own. This is the most important thing for a family that it is healthy and responsible. And some adoptive families are just that.
*My apologies to the writers of the Breakfast Club for using their brilliant line

Mirah Riben said...

As the author of this article I RESEARCHED the FACTS on reputable medical websights and on RESOLVE. Every FACT here is true and facts are neither respectful nor disrespectful.

Never once does the article say OR IMPLY that these are the ONLY causes of infertility, they are the ones that ARE PREVENTABLE!! That is the entire and only point: Let's prevent whatever amount of infertility CAN be prevebnted! What is your problem with that? Do you wish your sufferting on others or would you want to see a reduction in the number of people who suffer from infertility?

No where in this ariticle do I place any BLAME or any judgement of good or bad. If you feel that or read that into my words or between the lines that is strictly your issue and I am sorry you feel that way, but I never sad anything anyone being good or bad. Facts make no judgements. They just are what they are and these are the facts. These are the preventable causes of inferility.

Are there other causes that cannot be prevented. YES! I never said otherwise. I hope you will re-read the article, please. It is strictly factual. No judfgements. With all due respect, any judgement you feel is in your own mind, not in the article.

If you don 't beleiveme do your own research. Cabn obesity or anorexia cause infertility? Look it up! can and does STDs cause infertilyt? Look it up. I did nto nmake these FACTS up! They are what they are.

Smoking cuases a great deal of cancer. fact? Do we agree on that? If I state that reducing smoking reduces cancer am I being DIREPECTFUL or blaming or judging? If so then our government and the AMA etc are all doing the same - being disrespectful and blaming cigarette smokers for causing their own cancer! I don't think that is their goal. The goal is to reduce cancer and reducing smoking HAS helped.

Now, do our anti0-smoking cmapaigns imply that ALL cancer is caused by smoking? They certainly do not!! They seek to reduce ONE cause of cancer. Many GOOD people - even innocent children - get cancer for no fault of their own just as you and others are infertile for no cause of your own. Should we thus stop pereventative programs?? Of course not!

Mirah Riben said...

Here's the latest example, and it's not just women that face PREVENTABLE infertility issues:


PreemieMom said...

Of course the comment about "litters of preemies" would be put up by someone not bitter and not biased. LOL, what a joke.

Btw, echoing what the previous poster said, I am NOT sorry my NICU baby (yes, I have one as well, there are MILLIONS) surviving made your premiums go up. Suck it up. Preemies have just as much right to live as your irresponsibly-conceived children do.

Anonymous said...


You seem to focus a lot on the "preventable" types of infertility but don't have much to say about the ones that aren't. For instance my infertility is due to a genetic condition that I was born with. I am not obese, never smoked and have been in great physical condition for my entire life. What do you say regarding infertility for a person like myself and others who have similar circumstances? What is your solution for us?

Mirah Riben said...

I focus on preventable causes of infertility because if we CAN prevent harm, , we MUST!

I am not a medical doctor or a medical researcher. My background is sociology so i focus on what people can do to change sociological factors.

Having said that, what i say to ALL who suffer infertility is that adoption does not cure infertility and there are many ways to help children and be a meaningful part of their lives other than taking one or a dozen into your home.

You could teach, tutor, be a mentor, a big brother or big sister, FOSTER, and donate to a multitude of charities that aid children.

I hope that answers all of your questions. But you might ask why I seem to be "against" adoption or see it as a last resort. The answer lies in two tabs atop tis page, so i suggest you read:

- What is Family Preservation, and
- Family Preservation vs Anti-Adoption

The first thing you need to realize is that there is not an abundance of orphans needing adoption. 90% of children in orphanages worldwide have family who use such institutions to help feed their children; they use orphanages for medical care and education because they cannot afford to provide those for their children. They have no desire for their children to be adopted, especially out of the country.

The second thing is that there is a huge DEMAND for children to adopt and that demand created corruption, coercion, and exploitation. Mothers are lied to - told their kids are coming to America for an education. they are duped and deceived OR, their kids just outright stolen and kidnapped and TRAFFICKED for adoption, all to meet the demand and because of the high price on their heads.

There is no way to know for sure that any child you adopt internationally was in face placed voluntarily or was really truly abandoned. Papers are forged.

The only way you can be certain is to adopt one of the 100,000 kids available for adoption through foster care. And I say IF YOU WANT TO ADOPT, adopt from foster care. Those of us who do not want to adopt any child are not increasing the demand that is creating the corruption. Do you understand that? We are not part of the problem that taking children from foster care could help alleviate. AND... many of the kids adopted internationally are special needs kids! If they've lived in an orphanage for years they are "damaged."

Mirah Riben said...

Every adoption begins with a tragedy - a family torn apart.

At best, you are "saving" one child but leaving his family - his current and future siblings - behind.....and likely supporting corrupt baby brokers here and/or abroad.

Anonymous said...


You misunderstood my question. I didn't say anything about adoption in my post as it's unrelated to infertility. My question was asking you about the type of infertility I and many others have been dealt. The issue is that it isn't something the person who is infertile can prevent. So what do you suggest we do to address those types of infertility?

Adoption doesn't cure it. Adoption may fulfill the childless void and desire to become a parent that infertility has left us but it doesn't cure it. Being a tutor, big brother/sister, becoming a legalized babysitter (Fostering) and donating to charities doesn't cure infertility either nor does it fulfill the childless void or desire to become a parent.

People who look to tutoring, mentoring and legalized babysitting as a way to fulfill that void are being just as unfair to that child in need as those who look to adoption to cure their infertility. People who engage in those activities only reason for doing so is because they want to help someone. From reading your work I don't think you'd disagree with that.

Anonymous said...


You misunderstood my question. I didn't say anything about adoption in my post as it's unrelated to infertility. My question was asking you about the type of infertility I and many others have been dealt. The issue is that it isn't something the person who is infertile can prevent. So what do you suggest we do to address those types of infertility?

Adoption doesn't cure it. Adoption may fulfill the childless void and desire to become a parent that infertility has left us but it doesn't cure it. Being a tutor, big brother/sister, becoming a legalized babysitter (Fostering) and donating to charities doesn't cure infertility either nor does it fulfill the childless void or desire to become a parent.

People who look to tutoring, mentoring and legalized babysitting as a way to fulfill that void are being just as unfair to that child in need as those who look to adoption to cure their infertility. People who engage in those activities only reason for doing so is because they want to help someone. From reading your work I don't think you'd disagree with that.

RussiaToday Apr 29, 2010 on Russian Adoption Freeze

Russi Today: America television Interview 4/16/10 Regarding the Return of Artyem, 7, to Russia alone

RT: Russia-America TV Interview 3/10

Korean Birthmothers Protest to End Adoption

Motherhood, Adoption, Surrender, & Loss

Who Am I?

Bitter Winds

Adoption and Truth Video

Adoption Truth

Birthparents Never Forget