Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Adoption Dochotomy IV - A Truely Sad State of Affairs

I posted about groups making referrals: Each group focusing their energies on what they do best - be it activism, support, conferences, retreats, public education... and referring people in need to other groups for other specialties.

That was the entire gist of the post: A suggestion that we make better use of our time and better serving our constituents.

How sad and pathetic that mothers who lost children to adoption (presumably) took that as an opportunity for name-calling, casting false assumptions and lies, and in general acting like a nasty school-yard gang saying nah-nah-nah nobdy likes you/everybody hates you. (The "nobody/everybody" of course being the four-headed Hydra who flamed.) Who asked? I wasn't applying for a popularity contest! I was making a suggestion about group dynamics and networking for the betterment of those in need of our help.

What is far more troubling than personal attacks on me, is that we have mothers judging-- who suffered more? Who's "story" is more deserving of support from a support group that is open to all mothers who lost children to adoption? Who amongst us shall cast the first stone? Who amongst is so pure as to judge another undeserving of support?

I hear this in many areas, not just on this blog. I have heard mothers treated as lepers because they had their rights terminated, or surrendered an older child not an infant, or because they lost more than one child...or they were married but the child was not their husbands...or for whatever reason...JUDGED! And judged CRUELLY and harshly. I have even heard broad based judgments based on mothers age or the "era" in which she lost her child as to how much she suffered versus how many options she allegedly had if ANY LOSS is any less a loss than anyone else's loss.
The irony of this is that it is just that kind of judgment by society, social wokers etc that got us all here.

Hate is hate. Bigotry is bigotry. It is all based on FEAR and one's own insecurities, and hate for one's own is based on pure and simple self-loathing.

"He can't be a man 'cause he don;t smoke the same cigarettes as me" (m. jagger/k. richards)

It is sad and pathetic. I understand that we are all wounded by our loss and that anger is a natural part of our process. But I am steadfast in my loathing of intolerance and elitism of any kind, and devastated that people in support groups - there allegedly to offer support to all mothers who have lost child to adoption - could think this way - let alone speak it or put it in writing for the whole world to see!

It is sad, it is pathetic, it is mean and cruel.

It is beyond my comprehension...that my seeking for us to extend more help to mothers, would be received with such inane mad viciousness instead.
Incomprehensible and reprehensible!

The only bright side that gets me through such devastation is realizing what a insignificantly small percentage of mothers are like this.

Evil is everywhere...the flip side of good. It just makes me all the more appreciative of my dear friends: the good, loving, caring kind sister-mothers! I hope you too have found caring supportive friends...and have the strength to ignore the haters, realizing that is sadly only themselves that they hate.

I wish ALL mothers - the good and the evil, the sane and the not-to-sane, the pure and the not-so-pure...I wish you all PEACE, love and nurturing! We have suffered far too much to bring additional suffering on one another - for any reason.

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