TAO, The Adopted One, asks: Why is adoption still mired in secrecy?
Why does secrecy still
prevail when it was based on the shame and stigma of being illegitimate which
is as outdated as Leave it to Beaver and Father Knows Best. It’s a pre WWII value still imposed in
the 21st century, so why, TAO wants to know, and proposes these "what if" scenarios:
If there is nothing shameful in being adopted, then
there is no reason to keep our original birth certificate sealed under lock and
key, a lock and key that for many adoptees – was applied retroactively.
If some adoption practitioners have misled their
clients that they can remain anonymous forever, and ever – then have the guts
to stand up and say you were wrong. That the adoptees are what matters
most in adoption, and right now they are being treated as second-class citizens
in many states – whether in open or closed adoptions.
If the adoption industry is afraid of the scandal
of how mothers were treated – stand up, come clean and apologize, it’s
good for the soul.
If the adoption industry is really about what is best
the child – then for Pete’s sake – act like it, children grow up to be adults
and being denied the right to their original birth certificate doesn’t meet the
standard – it makes them less-than the non-adopted.
If the adoption industry wanted to correct the
wrongs of the past that are still in effect today – they would ask the Adoptee
Rights Groups in each state how they can help, no conditions, just support for
full equality, whatever it takes to make it right. They would stand
behind the adoptees as they lead the way to restoring the right taken away –
simply because they were adopted.
If
the adoption industry wanted to ensure the mistakes of the past stop being
repeated and never happen again – they would require every adoption
practitioner to educate their clients that the adoptee is the most important
member in adoption, and how their rights should never be compromised to make
others feel comfortable. Your job is to do right by the adoptee first and
foremost, whatever it takes.
TAO is RIGHT! *IF ONLY** But... “IF” the queen had balls she be king! “IF” The Pope wasn't Catholic he wouldn't be Pope!
The adoption industry doesn’t care about anything other than making MONEY, and that’s why!
The adoption industry doesn’t care about anything other than making MONEY, and that’s why!
Why? Because adoption is an INDUSTRY, not a charity! A multi-billion dollar a year INDUSTRY.
- Because the industry lobbyists and spokespersons represent
attorneys, practitioners and adoption agency BUSINESSES who prefer to operate
under a cloak of SECRECY rather than with transparency. In fact, that is the
reason the records were sealed to begin with. And they will continue as long as
they can.
- Because like any import/expert buying and selling INDUSTRY
they serve their paid clientele who want it this way. Adopters want to be able
to BUY KIDS WITH NO STRINGS ATTACHED! It's why they prefer IA to domestic! Some chill and develop some
self-confidence later on after adopting, but at the time they are a mess of
FEAR, anxiety and inferiority of loosing the kid they want to the
"real" mommy!! The industry knows that and CATERS to it!! You want
kids with no strings, we give you kids with no strings. End of story.
- Because the same attorneys, practitioners and adoption
agency businesses who protect ADOPTERS FROM evil birth moms -- then also CHARGE
adoptees and moms for post adoption services! A little side cottage industry
for the baby brokers!
- Because many of the legislatures working on adoption
voting on adoption bills are ADOPTERS, know adopters, side with them and buy the
bullshit the industry lobbyists put forth while we are kept out of the
discussions, because who cares what perennial CHILDREN and SLUTS have to say?
- Because these largely WHITE MALE FOLK are protecting all
their peers who might have kids 'out there' who could find them and burst their career bubbles and/or marriages, or seek a piece of their inheritance.
So, stop being BITTER (wink, wink) and get with the program, like the rest, who ALLOW these atrocities to continue to be perpetuated:
- Because too few adoptees have any BALLS to stand up and DEMAND their rights as the gays do!
- Because this movement has not had its MILK moment...
- Because we lack a cohesive national organization that coordinates state efforts and works on educating the public, and adoptees, many of whom don't know and don't care...
- Because we don't have paid lobbyists (except in Ohio).
- Because adoptees are far too mired in gratitude, FEAR of REJECTION, or fear of hurting the hand that has fed and educated them, so they perpetuate secrecy by searching in secret or waiting till their aps die. NO BALLS TO STAND UP FOR THEIR OWN RIGHTS! Adoption has given them a clear message that they are second-class and deserve whatever CRUMBS they get...
“IF” the industry cared about social justice they would fail
to exist, that’s why! They would
help mothers in crisis not exploit their temporary problems in order to grab up
the product of their “mistakes.”
If they didn't lie to mothers, and dupe fathers, even kidnap babies, who would provide them with provide them their bread and butter?
Von, commenting on TAO's blog says:
Why? Why not? I say: Because they CAN!
Is there a Santa Claus, Virginia.... NO! Not in adoption! Just GREED and filling orders, meeting a demand! The only ones getting presents from the AdoptionClaus are those paying for his suit and sleigh and all the stuff he brings!
If they didn't lie to mothers, and dupe fathers, even kidnap babies, who would provide them with provide them their bread and butter?
Von, commenting on TAO's blog says:
Why? Why not? I say: Because they CAN!
Is there a Santa Claus, Virginia.... NO! Not in adoption! Just GREED and filling orders, meeting a demand! The only ones getting presents from the AdoptionClaus are those paying for his suit and sleigh and all the stuff he brings!
So SHUT UP because you are just a COMMODITY...and are supposed to be GRATEFUL!!
Mothers like me are just the wrapping the product comes in and are also supposed to shut up and be grateful we were helped out of our "situation" and gave our kids a "better" life!
Records were sealed - allegedly - to protect adoptees from the stigma of illegitimacy. That no longer exists. the truth of the matter is that they were sealed to being with to protect ADOPTERS from "intrusion" and possible extortion by birth mothers. it's all about protecting the paid customer!! And that is WHY secrecy REMAINS in adoption. To protect baby brokers and adopters. PERIOD! Read the history of adoption and The Baby Thief. You will discover the tremendous influence of baby brokers like Bessie Bernard in the sealing of adoption records.
"Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful" - The Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE
Records were sealed - allegedly - to protect adoptees from the stigma of illegitimacy. That no longer exists. the truth of the matter is that they were sealed to being with to protect ADOPTERS from "intrusion" and possible extortion by birth mothers. it's all about protecting the paid customer!! And that is WHY secrecy REMAINS in adoption. To protect baby brokers and adopters. PERIOD! Read the history of adoption and The Baby Thief. You will discover the tremendous influence of baby brokers like Bessie Bernard in the sealing of adoption records.
"Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful" - The Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE
4 comments:
I feel you were unnecessarily harsh on TAO in this blog post. You are not adopted, and ascribing our motivations and our psychology in such an aggressive manner was unfair and uncalled for.
And for me, it detracted from the important and meaningful message you are imparting.
Robin, I'm sorry you feel that way and hope TAO doesn't take it that way cause ti wasn't meant that way at all. NOT AT ALL!!
My harshness is all directed at the INDUSTRY! It's anger at the industry!
The "stop being bitter" was total SARCASM!!
I also said: "Mothers like me are just the wrapping the product comes in and are also supposed to shut up and be grateful we were helped out of our "situation" and gave our kids a "better" life!"
Really sorry if it came across other than how it was intended. It was all like a big DUH.
Please convey that to TAO.
Thank you for clarifying, Mirah. Sometimes reading a post comes out differently than intended.
Hope you have a Happy New Year!
Thank you, Robin! Your observation was well taken! It needed to be clearer. I also commented back on TAO's blog to be sure she wasn't offended.
We need to save our venom for where it belongs, and that is not at one another!
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