Saturday, December 28, 2013

Why Adoption is Mired in Secrecy

TAO, The Adopted One, asks: Why is adoption still mired in secrecy? 

Why does secrecy still prevail when it was based on the shame and stigma of being illegitimate which is as outdated as Leave it to Beaver and Father Knows Best.  It’s a pre WWII value still imposed in the 21st century, so why, TAO wants to know, and proposes  these "what if" scenarios:

If there is nothing shameful in being adopted, then there is no reason to keep our original birth certificate sealed under lock and key, a lock and key that for many adoptees – was applied retroactively.
If some adoption practitioners have misled their clients that they can remain anonymous forever, and ever – then have the guts to stand up and say you were wrong.  That the adoptees are what matters most in adoption, and right now they are being treated as second-class citizens in many states – whether in open or closed adoptions.
If the adoption industry is afraid of the scandal of how mothers were treated  – stand up, come clean and apologize, it’s good for the soul.
If the adoption industry is really about what is best the child – then for Pete’s sake – act like it, children grow up to be adults and being denied the right to their original birth certificate doesn’t meet the standard – it makes them less-than the non-adopted.
If the adoption industry wanted to correct the wrongs of the past that are still in effect today – they would ask the Adoptee Rights Groups in each state how they can help, no conditions, just support for full equality, whatever it takes to make it right.   They would stand behind the adoptees as they lead the way to restoring the right taken away – simply because they were adopted.
If the adoption industry wanted to ensure the mistakes of the past stop being repeated and never happen again – they would require every adoption practitioner to educate their clients that the adoptee is the most important member in adoption, and how their rights should never be compromised to make others feel comfortable.  Your job is to do right by the adoptee first and foremost, whatever it takes.

TAO is RIGHT!  *IF ONLY** But... “IF” the queen had balls she be king!  “IF” The Pope wasn't Catholic he wouldn't be Pope!

The adoption industry doesn’t care about anything other than making MONEY, and that’s why! 

Why? Because adoption is an INDUSTRY, not a charity!  A multi-billion dollar a year INDUSTRY.

- Because the industry lobbyists and spokespersons represent attorneys, practitioners and adoption agency BUSINESSES who prefer to operate under a cloak of SECRECY rather than with transparency. In fact, that is the reason the records were sealed to begin with. And they will continue as long as they can.

- Because like any import/expert buying and selling INDUSTRY they serve their paid clientele who want it this way. Adopters want to be able to BUY KIDS WITH NO STRINGS ATTACHED! It's why they prefer IA to domestic!  Some chill and develop some self-confidence later on after adopting, but at the time they are a mess of FEAR, anxiety and inferiority of loosing the kid they want to the "real" mommy!! The industry knows that and CATERS to it!! You want kids with no strings, we give you kids with no strings. End of story.

- Because the same attorneys, practitioners and adoption agency businesses who protect ADOPTERS FROM evil birth moms -- then also CHARGE adoptees and moms for post adoption services! A little side cottage industry for the baby brokers!

- Because many of the legislatures working on adoption voting on adoption bills are ADOPTERS, know adopters, side with them and buy the bullshit the industry lobbyists put forth while we are kept out of the discussions, because who cares what perennial CHILDREN and SLUTS have to say?

- Because these largely WHITE MALE FOLK are protecting all their peers who might have kids 'out there' who could find them and burst their career bubbles and/or marriages, or seek a piece of their inheritance.

So, stop being BITTER (wink, wink) and get with the program, like the rest, who ALLOW these atrocities to continue to be perpetuated:

- Because too few adoptees have any BALLS to stand up and DEMAND their rights as the gays do!

- Because this movement has not had its MILK moment...

- Because we lack a cohesive national organization that coordinates state efforts and works on educating the public, and adoptees, many of whom don't know and don't care...

- Because we don't have paid lobbyists (except in Ohio).

- Because adoptees are far too mired in gratitude, FEAR of REJECTION, or fear of hurting the hand that has fed and educated them, so they perpetuate secrecy by searching in secret or waiting till their aps die. NO BALLS TO STAND UP FOR THEIR OWN RIGHTS! Adoption has given them a clear message that they are second-class and deserve whatever CRUMBS they get...

“IF” the industry cared about social justice they would fail to exist, that’s why!  They would help mothers in crisis not exploit their temporary problems in order to grab up the product of their “mistakes.” 

If they didn't lie to mothers, and dupe fathers, even kidnap babies, who would provide them with provide them their bread and butter?

Von, commenting on TAO's blog says:

Why? Why not?  I say: Because they CAN!

Is there a Santa Claus, Virginia.... NO! Not in adoption! Just GREED and filling orders, meeting a demand!  The only ones getting presents from the AdoptionClaus are those paying for his suit and sleigh and all the stuff he brings!

So SHUT UP because you are just a COMMODITY...and are supposed to be GRATEFUL!! 

Mothers like me are just the wrapping the product comes in and are also supposed to shut up and be grateful we were helped out of our "situation" and gave our kids a "better" life!

Records were sealed - allegedly - to protect adoptees from the stigma of illegitimacy. That no longer exists. the truth of the matter is that they were sealed to being with to protect ADOPTERS from "intrusion" and possible extortion by birth mothers. it's all about protecting the paid customer!! And that is WHY secrecy  REMAINS in adoption.  To protect baby brokers and adopters. PERIOD! Read the history of adoption and The Baby Thief. You will discover the tremendous influence of baby brokers like Bessie Bernard in the sealing of adoption records.

"Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful" - The Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE 


Robin said...

I feel you were unnecessarily harsh on TAO in this blog post. You are not adopted, and ascribing our motivations and our psychology in such an aggressive manner was unfair and uncalled for.

And for me, it detracted from the important and meaningful message you are imparting.

Mirah Riben said...

Robin, I'm sorry you feel that way and hope TAO doesn't take it that way cause ti wasn't meant that way at all. NOT AT ALL!!

My harshness is all directed at the INDUSTRY! It's anger at the industry!

The "stop being bitter" was total SARCASM!!

I also said: "Mothers like me are just the wrapping the product comes in and are also supposed to shut up and be grateful we were helped out of our "situation" and gave our kids a "better" life!"

Really sorry if it came across other than how it was intended. It was all like a big DUH.

Please convey that to TAO.

Robin said...

Thank you for clarifying, Mirah. Sometimes reading a post comes out differently than intended.

Hope you have a Happy New Year!

Mirah Riben said...

Thank you, Robin! Your observation was well taken! It needed to be clearer. I also commented back on TAO's blog to be sure she wasn't offended.

We need to save our venom for where it belongs, and that is not at one another!

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