Sometimes I wonder why Family Preservation is so simple and yet so hard to cultivate in American culture. I wonder why the myths of adoption are so readily accepted and believed by the masses and why there is such resistance to accepting the truth.
I am reminded of what a publisher at Simon and Schuster said in 1987 after reading my first book, "shedding light on..The Dark Side of Adoption." After saying how well researched and well written the book was, he then said, "but....
"...the public will not buy a book with a negative point of view about adoption. Those who adopt do so of necessity, not choice, and though they suspect abuses in the system, they are inclined to overlook the problems because they have no alternative. Seeing the subject realistically might be too painful and unacceptable."
THE ONLY PEOPLE MAD AT YOU
FOR SPEAKING THE TRUTH
ARE THOSE LIVING A LIE.
KEEP SPEAKING.
Gaskins Jr.
Ah, yes indeed! As Harry Truman said: "I never gave them hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell."
If the purpose of adoption were to please those who "needed" to adopt, then my friend at Simon & Schuster would be correct. But what if adoption were really about putting the needs of children first and doing what is in their best interest, not allowing them to be commodified into gifts we hand out - or sell - to those eager for them? Would we not remove the blinders and listen and hear the TRUTH, no matter how ugly and painful?
How can we knowingly ignore the truths of corruption, coercion, exploitation, kidnapping, child trafficking and denial of the rights of adopted people... and hail adoption as a "good"?
What about those of us for whom it is NOT a "necessity"? Stand up and speak out! Speak, even if you voice shakes. And never stop until the insanity stops.
5 comments:
"I wonder why the myths of adoption are so readily accepted and believed by the masses and why there is such resistance to accepting the truth."
I wonder that all the time! It seems so simple, yet apparently it's not...
For one thing, most everyone KNOWS SOMEONE who "deserves" a child so much but can;'t have one, or has adopted, or is trying to adopt. Their cousin, or sister-in-law, or neighbor or whatever.
Fact is they probably also know adoptees and mothers who have lost children to adoption, but just don;t they do because aps and paps are much more visible and audible about it these days!
The public feels they can identify with their "suffering" = their desire to be parents. They FEEL for them! Our pain and suffering is far more hidden form the public eye.
the media plays a big role in reporting happily-ever-after and heart wrenching tales of "poor" papas trying to adopt and caught up red tape, etc.
The adoption INDUSTRY spends LOTS on lobbyists and sells their lies to legislators who buy it all hook, line and sinker!
Add to that the right-to-lifers and other zealous Christian missionaries who think they are "rescuing" souls for God through adoption and saving children being aborted. So they spread more propaganda still.
The public is just flooded with pro-adoption news and stories and anecdotes. our voices are drowned out and often never make it in print. When we do get a story, the media often feels the need to "balance" it, with how good adoption can be! UGH...
When there's a horror story the pro-adoptionists are quick to call it an anomaly.
It's starting to change a tiny bit... coverage like that of EJ Graff is helping...
It seems that no matter how many ugly stories there are, Jerry Sandusky, Tory Hansen, Joyce Maynard and her stint as a temporary adoptive parent, the media and the public never want to connect the dots and acknowledge that adoption is not always the win/win/win it is made out to be. And that in many cases it does not lead to a 'better' life and too frequently even leads to a worse life.
The only thing comparable are those who are ADDICTED to things they know are bad or them and yet can't stop.
Look at cigarette smokers as a perfect example. Those who continue to smoke despite all the incontrovertible evidence of how dangerous it is, make excuses or just turn a blind eye and deaf ear. I've heard: "I don't care if it kills me."
BUT...the general public now KNOWS that cigarette smoking is bad. The tide has turned in our lifetimes from it being cool to NOT!
If we keep plugging away it adoption without stop....it will take generations, but cultural "norms' DO change over time! And medical technologies keep changing, so hopefully...
If I were King of the world ensure that every child was a WANTED child by giving every person long term birth control injections stating at age 10 and when they wanted a child would have to take classes and show that they are capable of caring for a child in every way - emotionally, physically and financially. They'd be taught that you cannot shake a baby or leave them in a car! And they'd know that being a parent is really FOREVER and ever, no matter what!
Of course, if I were King of the world there would also be ample day care and health care for all. Mothers would get a full year off from work to be at home and bond with their baby while breast-feeding and then go back to work part-time - with on-site day care - and it would be enough to pay all her expenses.
Men? I think I'd have them do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning and the day care centers would be staffed by adolescent girls to leant how to care for children and what a big responsibility they are.
Every time I try to discuss my step-daughter's situation and how the foster parents want to adopt her, I am constantly reminded of the "positive adoption" culture and it kills me.
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