I'm 67 years old and have been living with adoption loss for 44 years.
My first initiation into the insults I was to experience after doing what I was told was the "loving" "good" and "right" thing to do came shortly after I relinquished.
Baby Lenore, the first major contested adoption case made headlines in 1971. Every day I heard at work, on the subways, elevators and in the streets, and coffee shops people saying "The NERVE of that mother to want her baby back!" And: "Any dog can give birth."
I knew then that what people thought of me and wanted to crawl into a hole...
Lately, I am called an anti-adoptionist but that's not an insult. I'm proud to stand up and speak out against the atrocities that separate families needlessly. I am proud to denounce baby brokering, child trafficking, exploitation, coercion, corruption, and falsified birth certificates.
It has all strengthened me.
But now the ultimate insult has been spewed on the Facebook page "Adoption News and Events."
An adoptive parent put forth the proposition that children who are relinquished - and taken from their families - are "orphans"!!! This includes those who are kidnapped, stolen, and coerced from loving - LIVING - mothers and families. And what of the children in open adoptions who visit their moms - are they also orphans?
She wishes! Many wish we were dead, but we are NOT, and no piece of paper can kill us. Our children are our children and always will be and we are their mothers and always will be for all eternity.
The adoption industry creates the language for what they WISH is so and then those who want to adopt use it - and even the press and public begin using it and worst of all, believing it.
But it doesn't make it SO! No piece of paper kills me off as my daughter's mother. No falsified documents. No relinquishment. We all know the second part of "sticks and stones": Names will never harm me! I know who I am and I know I am my daughter's mothers.
Adopters can imagine, pretend and convince themselves that all the children being adopting are orphans, but when they find their mothers, or their mothers find them - those won't be ghosts coming to haunt you!
Maybe they are simply listening to too much Black Crowes:
She never mentions the word addiction
In certain company.
Yes, she'll tell you she's an orphan
After you meet her family.
Says she talks to angels.
They call her out by her name.
Oh yeah, she talks to angels.
Says they call her out by her name.
She keeps a lock of hair in her pocket.
She wears a cross around her neck.
The hair is from a little boy,
And the cross from someone she has not met, well, not yet
Labeling children who have been stolen, kidnapped and coerced from their mothers - as well as those given with the hopes that it is right and best choice - as "orphans" is comforting, convenient, white-washing language for those on the receiving end. It allows people like the Monahans to sleep at night pretending their kidnapped daughter's mother is dead and not longing for the return of her child.
Calling our sons and daughters orphans insults and offends every mother who lovingly sacrificed or was coerced out of her child, and it insults and offends our children.
I am horrified and one angry, pissed off MUTHA!
"I never gave then hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell." Harry S. Truman