Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Frozen Tears

Eighteen years ago today, Feb. 27, 1995 was the last day of my eldest daughter, Alicia's life.

The following poem was written on the first anniversary of her death and published in the Origins Winter 1996 newsletter.

Frozen Tears


The day dawned
bright and clear
the sun shone brightly
warming me
from deep inside
the day in July
when the angels
brought you
into this world
with labor and love.

But the wind gusted
frost chilled my bones
and froze my tears
that bleak day in February
when you left this world

I'd been crying
for weeks
a month?
asking why
looking for reasons
finding none
feeling painfully alone.

Perhaps I was closer
to knowing you
your pain of abandonment
the sorrow behind
the pretty face
smiling for the camera
was it all a charade?
were you ever happy?

You died alone
all alone
no one there
no one called
no one came

no family
no friends
no kin
no doctors
no nurses 

No rabbis, priest or ministers
no visionaries or seekers of truth
no social workers or judges
where were they all
when you needed them?

No on held your hand
no one comforted you
no one shared you fear
no one spared your pain
Cold as ice
I grieve tears
frozen in time

Did you do this
all alone
as an act of defiance
or because
all alone
is how you felt?

Could I have saved you?
if I had kept you?
or did I abandon you
to a life of despair?

Rest in peace my sweet baby girl and know that you live on in my heart.

Alicia's Facebook memorial page.


Robin said...

I am sorry for your loss.

Carlynne Hershberger, CPSA said...

Mirah, I'm so, so sorry for your loss. There are just no words for the loss of a child.

Susie said...

Oh Myrah... My heart hurts for you. I simply cannot begin to imagine losing my child twice. Sending you lots of love ~

Janet said...

This is all just too much sometimes. I am so sorry.

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