Tuesday, November 6, 2012

When Will We Ever Learn?

October 7, 2012Douglas, 33, and Kristen, 30, Barbour of Pennsylvania -- described as a "God-fearing couple" -- were charged with abuse and “aggravated assault” as a result of their daughter’s treatment and endangering the welfare of two children the couple adopted from Ethiopia. 

A doctor since then has recommended that the children have no contact with their parents, particularly the girl who the doctor said could be injured again or die if she remains with the Barbours, according to court documents.

Their blog "Our Adoption Journey," chronicled their adoption. In a post by Douglas Barbour titled "Biblical Motivations for Adoption," a long list of reasons for Christians to adopt is given, including "Adoption by Christians brings children into the covenant community and thereby enables them to enjoy the blessings associated with that connection."

November 6, 2012: Mona and Russell Hauer of Minnesota are charged with starving their adopted 8 year old son, beating him, and making him sleep in the basement.

These are just the two most recent REPORTED incidents.

November 7, 2012:  Pail (45) and JoAnn (44) Drake of Iowa are arrested and charged with locking their adopted boy and girl, ages 14 and 13, in a basement room for a period of three to four weeks and feeding them under the locked door.

Read more: http://www.kcci.com/news/central-iowa/Police-Children-locked-in-basement-fed-under-door/-/9357080/17317368/-/ynppve/-/index.html#ixzz2BaLOyMpx


In 1968 I lost my firstborn to adoption.

In 1971 I married and moved to the suburbs, a "proper" wife and soon to become a "proper" mother of three more children. My life consisted of La Leche League, play groups, home-birthing, then PTA, class mother, field trips, scouts.... and the haunting of the child I lost, unnecessarily under pressure and duress, brainwashed to believe that my love was selfish and my child deserved more, better....

Haunted every time I was asked how many children I have. Haunted enough to seek to adopt a child the age my daughter was without being aware why....

By the late 70's I had my first wake up call. I learned that adopted adults were searching to find the natural mothers!  After hearing this for the very fist time from an adopted man who had just completed his search and was in the process of changing his name back...I blurted out: "You mean you don't hate her for giving you away?"

My second wake up call came as I met other mothers who had been through what I went through and in 1980 five of us co-founded the original Origins: An organization for mothers who lost children to adoption. We were based in NJ but served mothers nationwide via our newsletter.  over and over we heard the relief of mothers finding out they weren't "the only one" dealing with the shame and grief.  Mothers got to share their harrowing tales of incarceration in maternity homes, or his away from prying neighbors.

But my most shocking revelation came as I began to see newspaper headlines like those above!  I had thought that at least my pain and loss were not for naught if it had, in fact, provided my beloved precious child the "better" life I had promised - we ALL had been promised.

I began clipping the news articles and then it also very close to home! Two members of Origins found their teenaged children, one abused the other abandoned. Both miraculously were able to readopt their own children! I heard more and more horror stories in the press and at adoption conferences and reform group meetings. Another Origins mom  discovered the child she imagined going to kindergarten and riding his bike had died in early childhood when a televisions et fell over on him! of course, she was never told this by the adoption agency.  Others found kids living in cars, drug addicted, run-aways, or victims of deadly car crashes, and suicides. We changed what we told Moms entering into a search, realizing the need to prepare them for the worst possibilities.

By 1988 I chronicled my findings in my first book, shedding light on...The Dark Side of Adoption.

Among other reforms, I called for studies into the rate of abuse in adoptive homes as compared to non-adoptive.  And i asked for studies into the suicide rate of adoptees compared to non-adoptees.

And here we are today,  twenty-four years later still promoting and encouraging adoption as altruistic....still not following up on the well-being of adopted children nor properly preparing those who adopt children who have been institutionalized and have a high likelihood of having learning and social problems.

Now in addition to new stories of kids being dumped on airplanes or sent to ranches or farms that warehouse adopted kids no longer wanted...we also get to read the blogs of the people who do this and expect sympathy!

Meanwhile, the three children I raised have grown into upstanding, good decent, moral citizens...and the daughter I was pressured to relinquish is DEAD!  Died at the tender age of 27 in 1995 at her own hand - all alone...  ending her own allegedly "better" life....

None of the suggestions of either of my books are being looked into, instead adoption continues on as a mega billion industry that takes the children of the poor and gives them to rich, obliterating the truth of their origins.

When will it ever end? When will they ever learn?

1 comment:

nadese said...

I was shocked at how quickly i met children who obviously were having great difficulty in the main stream who told me nearly first thing in the conversation that they were adopted, this obviously wasn't the better life (and for the record, i pleaded to keep so they took her away) These baby brokers will do ANYTHING for the sale. But I even met children that were jailed after "failed" adoptions, they are afraid to admit they are adopted to anyone of authority and can barely read or write (not that they are dumb, they were abandoned). The statistics are good, but since sw prey upon them, they don't want people to know.

RussiaToday Apr 29, 2010 on Russian Adoption Freeze

Russi Today: America television Interview 4/16/10 Regarding the Return of Artyem, 7, to Russia alone

RT: Russia-America TV Interview 3/10

Korean Birthmothers Protest to End Adoption

Motherhood, Adoption, Surrender, & Loss

Who Am I?

Bitter Winds

Adoption and Truth Video

Adoption Truth

Birthparents Never Forget