The Year in Review

2007 has been an exciting and busy year for Origins-USA!

Origins-USA is one of few organizations advocating to stop adoption coercion. In April, we organized a "Blogger Blitz" to build support for Stephanie Bennett, a young mother who was recently coerced into surrendering her daughter for adoption. We also issued two press releases about our support for Stephanie, when no other organizations would support her. Although Stephanie and baby Evelyn are still apart, our efforts helped increase public awareness of coercive adoption practices. As a result, Origins-USA was contacted by People
Magazine about a potential story on the issue.

In September, an Origins-USA press release led directly to Jayni Anderson being reunited with her sons who had been separated by adoption for nearly three decades. Her son Joshua told Origins-USA: “I have to tell you that I am very grateful for organizations like yours, for if this story had never occurred, I would never have met her. Thank you so much.”

During Adoption BEWAREness Month (November), we were especially busy, educating the public about the need to “beware” of family separation and adoption. Five Origins-USA representatives participated in the Adoption Ethics conference in Arlington, Virginia. Before the conference, PR Chair/board member Mirah Riben wrote a letter to the sponsoring organizations that resulted in them revising the language in the conference program and removing terms that were offensive to mothers. Mirah also presented at the conference, speaking about “Alternative Routes to Permanency: Is Adoption Always the Best Option?". Three Origins-USA mothers--Mirah, Claudia Corrigan D'Arcy, and Suz Bednarz--discussed their blogs at the "Meet the Bloggers" reception.

Our intern, Emily Ryan, and I also attended. Throughout the conference sessions, the Origins-USA contingent frequently stood up and voiced our opinions and experiences as mothers who lost children to adoption. Although it was emotional at times, we reminded ourselves of Maggie Kuhn's words, "Speak your mind, even when your voice shakes." We displayed and handed out Origins-USA brochures and membership applications, and four people I met or talked with at the event soon joined as members.

We were pleased to find that conference attendees frequently agreed with our ideas. Subsequently, Ethica wrote a letter of support for the mission and goals of Origins-USA, after board members from the two organizations met and talked at the event. The Adoption Ethics conference was just one of many times that Origins-USA represented the voice of mothers during the year. In July, Vice President Sandy Young gave a one-hour presentation about Origins-USA and our mission to a group of about 20 community activists at a meeting sponsored by St. Mary's University in San Antonio. In February, Claudia appeared as guest on the Montel Williams show, discussing her views as an activist for natural family preservation. Claudia also spoke about "Universal Motherhood, Universal Loss" at the Korean American Adoptive Family Network conference in July. In March, I discussed the results of the recent Origins-USA's study of adoption coercion and the effects of adoption separation on mothers at the American Adoption Congress (AAC) conference.

We also worked to help keep families together. This summer, Sandy assisted in organizing a Teen Mothers' Conference, to show high school students that they CAN continue their education, even with a baby. To provide an alternative to adoption-industry marketing, we produced a booklet for expectant mothers on the “Realities of Adoption” and compiled a growing list of resources on sources of assistance for expectant parents and mothers.

During Adoption BEWAREness Month, we were also busy educating the public and helping families separated by adoption by hosting or co-hosting 8 RegDay sites in 6 states, resulting in four newspaper articles about adoption separation issues and Origins-USA. Sandy exhibited about Origins-USA at the Adoption Knowledge Affiliate’s 15th annual conference on adoption in Austin. We also released our first video on YouTube, "Motherhood, Adoption, Surrender, & Loss." I was interviewed on two adoption-related radio programs.

Mirah wrote an article on "Adoption and the Role of the Religious Right" that was published on CounterCurrents.org. Claudia wrote an article for DivineCaroline.com titled "The National Council for Adoption: Mothers, Money, Marketing, and Madness." We also had a few letters to the editor published in newspapers. In December, Adoption Today magazine published a cover story article by Claudia about her experiences losing her son to adoption.

2007 was also the year we held our first election and Annual Meeting for members, became incorporated, obtained 501(c)(3) non-profit status, and began our newsletter. We nearly doubled our membership, to over 80 members in 21 states, with a total of nearly 150 people on our email list.

Also this year, we developed our positions on many key issues in Position Papers. We advocated for our positions by sending letters to legislators and issuing press releases and Action Alerts on proposed legislation, including the Kinship Caregivers Support Act and an ill-conceived proposal to honor women who surrender their children to adoption.

To help guide our work for 2008 and beyond, we recently emailed a member survey to all members. Please complete it if you have not already. We will share the results in January. The Board and Committee Chairs will use the results to help plan the future of Origins-USA and ensure that we remain responsive to members.

After a brief break for the holidays, the Board and Committee Chairs will travel, at our own expense, to Texas to meet in person for our very first two-day Retreat and Strategic Planning Meeting. We will come back even more invigorated with even more ideas to grow Origins-USA and further our goals of keeping families together, ending corruption and exploitation in adoption, promoting healing for family members separated by adoption, and seeking justice for those injured by illegal and unscrupulous adoption practices. We will send out a report of our plans and, as always, ask you to dig deep and help us finance all of our projects to help keep mothers and their babies together and support families separated by adoption.

JOIN! DONATE!

SUBSCRIBE to our "Action Alter" Occasional EMAIL UPDATES List!

I wish you a wonderful holiday and a Happy New Year.
Yours in family preservation,
Bernadette Wright President, Origins-USA

** What has YOUR adoption related group done recently...or ever? **

Mother Can You Hear Me?

Betty Allen is an adoptee and activist friend from NJ. I haven't seen her in years but she remember her best for her guitar playing and singing folk songs...especially the clever ones she made up about open records she played at some demonstrations such as this one, to the tune of Mr. Tambourine Man:

Hey, Mr. Legislator, pass a bill for me.
I'm adopted- I don't know my own birth history.
Hey, Mr. Legislator, pass a bill for me.
Give me access to my name and my reality.

I just finished re-reading her book, after buying a copy online - used - for a friend who I know would like it. I was so glad to read it again. It was every bit as good the second time around - no far better. Warm and sensitive.

Mother Can You Hear Me?: The extraordinary true story of an adopted daughter's reunion with her birth mother after fifty years of separation by Elizabeth Cooper Allen is one of the best written and most sensitive memoirs of an adoptee search and reunion as ever has been written before or since.

Find it online used...it's a good read even for someone with no connection with or interest in the subject of adoption. It resonated with me on many levels.

BOOK REVIEW

Insights, Vol. 20 No, 2, Nov, 2007
ARCS Adoption Research & Counseling Services, Western Australia


The Stork Market. by Mirah Riben (2007)

The foreword in this book is written by Evelyn Robinson of SA, author of Adoption and Loss, and Adoption and Recovery, also two excellent books. Evelyn has outlined the reforms which have taken place here in Australia. Evelyn also congratulates Mirah for exposing the tragic outcomes for children who have been failed by a government who turns a blind eye.

Back to me, I believe the title of the book is apt. It has become just that, A Market Place.

To me it is nothing short of Slavery. It seems anyone in USA can start up shop, hunting down vulnerable pregnant woman to try and pry their babies off them. This book is full of abuse stories. There are numerous cases - many adoptees have already died, some even murdered by adopters. Some Natural mothers have suicided. The abuse is rampant.

The USA supposedly knows how many hogs they have in that country, but no idea on adoption numbers? Obviously adoption reform needs to happen in the USA as soon as possible, for all those people whose lives have already been deeply affected by this life altering event. So that they can begin the healing process. I am appalled knowing many people there cannot have access to information, which could help set them free.

My final conclusion is that adoption must be abolished world wide. There is no other solution. And only we who have lived this can and should testify, and say NO MORE ABUSE.

I can't commend and thank Mirah enough, it takes a lot of courage, to write and expose the truth. That saying 'You shall know the Truth and the Truth should set you free', is apt I feel.

Hopefully the readers of my book review will not take offense. But rather be as outraged as I am. And we could and should stand united in this saying; Worldwide; There is No Excuse for Abuse.

Judith (W A)

Seven Sceanarios

ABAGAIL is a 36 attorney with an up and coming law firm in Des Moines. She would love to be married, but has not found the “right” guy. Desperate about her time slipping away, Abby has decided to go the route of anonymous inseminations. She considered other options: a one night stand, or asking someone she knew to “donate” sperm but decided she trusts the fertility clinic to screen applicants better and thinks it best not to get entangled with a man who might want to be involved in ways she’d not be happy with.

BEATRICE, 34, has been married ten years and has four kids: 9, 7, 5 and 2. Bea’s husband Joe was a local trucker just outside of Baton Rouge until he lost his job after a serious accident that left him disabled. Bea works nights at the WalMart. Things have been very tight and they have had to accept food stamps to supplement their income. They are hard working but poor. Pregnant again, abortion is not an option, but she wonders how they afford to feed another mouth and what they will do about medical expenses since they have no health insurance.

CHARLEEN is a 17-year-old high school senior. She is on the honor role, popular, active in sports and college bound. She just found out that she is pregnant by her long-term boyfriend. Her parents – and his - love her (and him) and want what is best but are confused. They are being told that she will ‘ruin their lives’ to keep this child and that there are so many moving couples who have so much more to offer.

DIERDRE is a 44 schoolteacher in Portland. Marriage and family has been her life’s dream, but it hasn’t happened after years of marriage. She and her graphic artist husband have weighed the costs and success rate of fertility treatments and find it too risky a financial investment. They’d rather use that money of a college fund and have decided to adopt. Research into that has led Deirdre to decide upon international adoption as a better option as there seem to be more babies available that way, and the bonus is not having to fear a mother changing her mind.

ELAINE is a 54-year-old CEO of a publicly-owned corporation in Westchester, NY. Married for two years, she has tried unsuccessfully to conceive a child and has spent more than $40,000 on fertility treatments. It has been determined that she does not produce viable eggs. Egg donation is an option, but Elaine is reluctant to take the time from her career as she is aware that at her age a pregnancy might mean time off her feet, etc. Adoption seems risky in regards to the genetics of the child and her husband has admitted not being able to bond well with a child that was not “his.” They are looking into hiring a surrogate.

FRANCESCA, 42, and her partner co-own a very successful import-export business in Dallas. They met an expectant mother on the internet and paid her medical and living expenses for four months. They were in the delivery room, signed papers and flew home with their son, delighted. Then the baby’s father turned up. He had been deployed in Iraq. Now both the mother and father are joined in fighting to overturn the adoption. The mother claiming she was pressured, and the father never signed anything.

GLORIA, is 32 and delighted to be expecting their first child. She is thoroughly enjoying decorating the nursery and supervising the addition on their estate home to house a nanny. She is very dutifully and carefully pre-screening nannies and aupair agencies and has already investigated nanny-cams to ensure that her precious child receives nothing but the best care.

-----------------

All of these women want to be Mommies. Each one believes that they could be a good, loving, caring mother. Each one believes beyond a doubt their love can concur any obstacle.


Questions:

• If each outcome is as the mother wants it to be who will be the most content with that choice in the short term?

• The long term?

• Who receives the most support from family and friends to become a mother as planned?

• Who will be dissuaded the most as it being a bad idea?

• Who’s child will be happiest, and best adjusted?

• Will any choice guarantee a better life for the child or the mother than any other?

• Which of these women will hear that she “selfish” and her child better off with others?

• Which are told that their desire to mother this child, is not in her child’s best interest?

• Which would never hear any such things?

Adoption Pits Women Agaisnt Women

Delayed childbearing and infertility increase the demand of healthy infants and pits women against women over who deserves and is entitled to raise them. Can we increase compassion and end the cycle?

http://www.opednews .com/articles/ opedne_mirah_ ri_071222_ adoption_ 3a_pitting_ wo.htm
Feminism has done little to decrease women's desire to become mothers, other than delay it. The problem is that feminism convinced an entire generation or more of women to delay those urges until after they had their education and careers, thus missing their most fertile time in life.

Sadly, there are too few feminists allowing women to embrace their femininity and unique ability to procreate when they are most fertile and pursue career later in life. Life is quite long; there is time to do it all - in the right order.

Rosie the Riveter convinced women to leave their kitchens and children and go to work during WWII. They were then convinced to leave their jobs and return home when the war ended and men needed the jobs. Women have been directed and engineered as society needed them to be.

Women who now see a strong need for a career need to consider the pros and cons and recgonze that social engineering is at play for society’s benefits:

1) two spendable incomes instead of one by having them hold high-powered careers

2) support of two multi-billion- dollar industries: the reproductive technology sector ($3 billion) and the adoption sector ($2-3 billion a year in the U.S, and $6.3 internationally) .

Other trends such as breast and bottle feeding have gone back and forth in popularity. Women were convinced to give up what was natural and free to support the formula industry - which is part of the huge pharmaceutical industry. Used. Harmed; mothers and their children for the sake of profit; pawns in a greedy capitalistic society.

Greed is also what contributes to competitiveness between women over the scarce prize of a baby. They are fighting so hard to have what they want, they are able to ignore the harm they cause another. Like women fighting over a blue-light special at bargain basement annual bridal gown sale!

There are also factors of human nature. One is something called "fundamental attribution error."

When we are trying to understand and explain what happens in social settings, we tend to view behavior as a particularly significant factor. We then tend to explain behavior in terms of internal disposition, such as personality traits, abilities, motives, etc. as opposed to external situational factors.

This can be due to our focus on the person more than their situation, about which we may know very little. We also know little about how they are interpreting the situation.

Western culture exacerbates this error, as we emphasize individual freedom and autonomy and are socialized to prefer dispositional factors to situational ones. International adoption increases the gap and distances the oppressed from the oppressor.

When we are playing the role of observer, which is largely when we look at others, we make this fundamental attribution error. When we are thinking about ourselves, however, we will tend to make situational attributions. International adoption increases the gap and distances oppressor and those who profit.

Women are judged most for their maternal/parenting skills/ability and are harshest on and most judgmental of one another when they perceive a lack thereof. Parenting skills hold less expectation of perfection in men, so they are judged much lighter. That is why our courts - and the public - are very unmerciful on mothers who abandon, kill, abuse etc.

Men compete in sports and business. Women, traditionally, have this one area of comparison, pride and judgment.

As most of you have read, Britney Spear's 16-year old sister is pregnant and not married. The reactions have been interesting. Older folk are no doubt shocked that she is not hiding in shame, as even married women once did when they were in a "family way."The Christian right is hailing it a victory over abortion!

The uncle of the baby's father was interviewed. An older Southern gentleman, he was calm and soft spoken saying it's not the best that could have happened, but it's also not the worse. He said he hoped they would take the responsibility seriously and receive help from their families.

Perhaps, as odd as it sounds, this latest Spears - opps - may serve as a role model for other families to handle these situations in the same calm, sensible and supportive manner, allowing for family cohesiveness and intergenerational connectedness.

Adoption is a last resort for children with no families to care for them safely. It is not a solution to youthful parenting, nor for infertility which requires more emphasis on preventative education. Starting in high school level health classes tens need to be aware that decisions they make can lead to STDS and abortion which in turn contribute to infertility.

Baby Jesus Stolen

It happens almost every year; someone steals a baby Jesus from a nativity scene. This year, it happened at a church in Pennsylvania.



Father Aristotle Damaskos says he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from the township display last weekend.

A tipster led police to the adoption ring as they were trying to sell the swaddled babe to a couple from DesMoines.

Monique, 54, and Kash, 62, Hamilton are devastated. They deny any misdeed.

"We were assured the adoption was perfectly legal," said Mr. Hamilton as his wife sobbed about the nursery she had all fixed up at home and her broken heart.

Police report that a young woman named Mary had gotten in touch with the Hamilton's through a PennySavior ad by the Christ's Mercy Adoption Agency in Tallahassee, Florida.

The Hamilton's reported that they had been sending Mary money to stay at the Manger Inn in Bethelham, PA. Mary had left her home town and her boyfriend Joey.

The Hamilton's kept in touch all throughout her pregnancy via phone and email.

Then, last week, Mary asked the Hamilton's to come to the Inn and take custody of the male infant.




"Will we get our money back?" asked Mr. Hamilton.

Mrs. Hamilton said she would fight to keep the baby as she knew Mary was an unfit, and far too young to be a mother. She was sure she was far more deserving and would not give up the child they planned to rename Abraham Levee Hamilton III.

Mrs. Hamilton also commented that her three year old daughter, Grateful, adopted last year from Sears China Doll department would be very disappointed.

UPDATE:

Mary Virgina's boyfriend, Joseph has come forward demanding a paternity test.

Meanwhile, Mary's Father has said he will save her and help her raise her infant son.

Mary told reporters that she was threatened to have to return the fee for staying at the Inn if she tried to keep her son. The Hamilton's attorney, Theo Maggi states,
however, that everything they gave her were just "gifts."

Mary further reports that three attorneys from the law office of King, Weissman, and Wyse were at her side even before the baby was born and had pressured her, taking the babe right from her arms.

Origins-USA President Elucidates Orgnazation's Stance

Bernadette Wright, Ph.D., President of Origins-USA says:

"The things that Origins-USA advocate for -- preventing unnecessary family separations, ending falsified birth certificates, basic human rights and protections for mothers, stopping coercive and exploitative adoption practices, justice for victims of illegal and coercive practices, and ending profiteering in adoption -- these are all mainstream, common-sense ideas, even if we are one of very few organizations advocating for them. These ideas are supported by the United Nations and are the law in most civilized societies. Motherhood is a traditional American value, and we support motherhood (it's forever).

"Our enemies -- the radical religious right extremists and anti-motherhood adoption agencies who want to further erode mothers' rights and make it even harder for families to stay together -- THEY should be considered the fringe groups, not us. It is a fringe, extreme, un-American, anti-family idea to say that we should allow profiteering baby brokers to trick, deceive, exploit, and coerce mothers and to sell their babies, just because the mother is single, young, or having temporary financial difficulties."

Angelina Jolie

"In Touch" magazine reports the tale of Mentewah Dawit Lebiso, 24, the mother of Zahara with a stunning photo of the young woman in which anyone can clearly see that mother and daughter are almost identical.


The article tells how a middleman lied to authorities that Mentewah was dead and is now threatening her and her mother for revealing the truth.

Jolie's supporters quickly point that she truly believed the lies told to her, though they reported as lies almost immediately. Does it exonerate purchases of stolen merchandise if they believed the merchandise was not stolen? Furthermore, they neglect to mention that Jolie was adopting from people who were later charged with fraud. Did she lack the resources to check and be sure she only dealt wit reputable adoption agencies?

Nor was this the first time. Lauryn Galindo, who helped Jolie adopt her Cambodian son, Maddox, pleaded guilty to visa fraud and money laundering as part of a ring that paid poor Cambodian women as little as $100 or less for their children. The agency which handled hundreds of such adoptions charged fees of $10,000. In that adoption, too, she feigned shock to find out that Maddox's mother was also not deceased as had been reported.

Coming to Jolie's support are such notable adoption "experts" as Rosie O'Donnell and people such as Bill O'Reiley quotes as saying: "I would not give the baby back" when that is not even the issue at had.

The issue is quite simply allowing each of her chidlren to visit their families as they have requested and were promised. The only dingbat with anything sensible say on the subject odd;y enough, is Joan Rivers who laments all the US kids going ignored as people "shop" overseas for their souvenirs.

Actually, it's not too surprising that of all the children in all the world that Angelina Jolie chose to adopt, two - at least - were not orphans. Worldwide 8-0% of chidlren in orphanages have family who visit and hope to be reunited, as was the case with Madonna's adoption of David Banda. People who cannt read and or write and who's language does not contain the word adoption as we know it - are easily convinced that their chidlren are being taken to the US to be educated and returned. Their ignorance is thus exploited by those who pat themselves on the back for "rescuing" them...claiming them to be AIDS orphans, or starving, or whatever...

And, to add salt to these open wounds, Angelina's brother, James Haven lets all the world know that only of Angie's kids is his true niece, sporting a license plate with Shiloh's name!

MOMS LIVING CLEAN - Documentary

Good News: The documentary MOMS LIVING CLEAN has just received a small grant from the Open Meadows Foundation toward completion. I am also pleased to tell you that steady progress is being made with editing this feature length film.

MOMS LIVING CLEAN chronicles the two year journey of six moms in a women and children’s residential substance abuse treatment program as they transform their lives and re-enter the community. Their stories unfold against the myth that they are untreatable, and America’s war on drugs, which has sent record numbers of women to prison and their children into an overburdened foster care system. The film reveals the women’s childhood exposure to drugs, alcohol and domestic violence. These intimate portraits explore the challenges of addiction and recovery, economic hardship and motherhood. Through group work, writing assignments and the rehab program’s 20 concepts for living, the moms gain confidence, pride and integrity, develop parenting skills and become self-sufficient. This groundbreaking film makes the case for whole-family treatment, where mother and children stay together, as an alternative to incarceration and breaking family ties. For more information visit: http://www.momslivingclean.org

Our goals are to combat the stereotypes and stigma surrounding mothers with substance abuse issues, promote more whole-family residential treatment programs, and inspire women and men in recovery. There are less than 40 programs like this in the U.S. today. That’s not even one per state.

“I have viewed a rough-cut of MOMS LIVING CLEAN and am moved by the deeply personal and engaging stories of vulnerable mothers powerfully committed to their sobriety and to their families. The film shines the light on effective interventions for parental addiction. MOMS LIVING CLEAN will help turn the tide of stigma and punitive laws by generating community support through education and understanding about the real lives of mothers in recovery. Public opinion is critical to influencing funding of programs for family-oriented treatment, as an alternative to sentencing mothers to prison and their children to foster care.”
Malika Saada Saar, Executive Director
The Rebecca Project for Human Rights
Washington, DC

Please help us finish MOMS LIVING CLEAN in 2008. We are currently seeking $30,000 to complete editing and prepare the film for public television broadcast. While I continue to research and apply to foundations for funding, they are limited in number and very competitive. So individuals like you can make a significant difference to keep the project moving forward. A donation in any amount will go a long way.

With a $100 donation your name will be in the credits of the film. You can make a donation right now on the film’s website at http://www.momslivingclean.org . Just click on the Donation button and type in the amount you want to contribute. You will receive a Thank You letter for your generous donation from the filmmaker, Sheila Ganz.

The non-profit fiscal sponsor for MOMS LIVING CLEAN is Film Arts Foundation, San Francisco, CA. http://www.filmarts.org If you want your donation to be tax-deductible make your check out to “Film Arts Foundation” and send to:

Sheila Ganz, Producer/Director
Pandora’s Box Productions
1546 Great Highway, Suite 44
San Francisco, CA 94122

A few facts: Since the 1986 federal government ‘war on drugs’ mandatory sentencing, the number of women in prison has risen 400 percent and 800 percent for African American women. Most of the women and mothers incarcerated for non-violent drug offenses are suffering with substance abuse issues. The underlying reasons for addiction in 97 percent of women with substance abuse problems are untreated post-traumatic stress and/or depression precipitated by sexual and domestic violence. When a newborn tests positive for drugs they are taken away from their mother and put in foster care. Termination of parental rights has outrun actual adoptions, creating a generation of legal orphans. The children bounce from foster home to foster home, with no ties to their birthparents and no hope of adoption.


Mothers in a similar rehab treatment program attended a recent work-in-progress screening. I have a note on my computer which says, “Make them feel like they can do it.” In the written feedback from the women… four out of nine wrote that if the women in the film could do it, stay clean, then she could do it, too. The film isn’t done, yet the message is getting through!

People ask me, why am I making this film? In 1969, I was an ‘unwed mother’ and resident in a home for unwed mothers the last two months of my pregnancy where I was given no choice but to relinquish my daughter for adoption. For years I wondered, “Why can’t there be homes to help mothers keep their children?” So, after my first documentary UNLOCKING THE HEART OF ADOPTION launched on public television, I decided to find a program that does just that. Since it was completed UNLOCKING… has been distributed to adoption agencies and colleges worldwide, screened at numerous conferences around the country and changed many people’s lives. I hope that MOMS LIVING CLEAN will be even more successful. For info visit: http://www.unlockingtheheart.com .

Experts now agree that the most productive way for society to deal with substance abuse is to treat it as a health issue rather than punitively. By helping the mother to stay in recovery and become self-sufficient, she will be able care for her children and end the cycle of abuse and neglect. We hope you will join us in supporting whole-family treatment programs for mothers who want a chance to make a better life for themselves and their children. Thank you!

Wishing you and yours Healthy and Happy Holidays!

Best wishes,

Sheila Ganz
momslivingclean@att.net
http://www.momslivingclean.org
http://www.unlockingtheheart.com

PLEASE FORWARD FREELY. THANK YOU!

Compassion: Part II -- Caring About Crack Whores

This is a follow up to my Nov. 29 Post. It focuses specifically on women's meanness to women.

“Mean girls don't stay in high school forever. They're at college, at work, and even at church. The hurt from gossip, insults, and cutthroat competition doesn't stop after high school, either. In fact, the kind of meanness experienced by adult women can cut to the core just as quick, if not quicker, than it did when they were teenagers.” From the description of Mean Girls all grown Up: Surviving Catty and Conniving Women by Hayley DiMarco.No longer online is a column from the Orlando Sentinel (Jan 05) "Cliques not Just for Kids: Being Snubbed Hurts Women." But you can still access: “From Mean Girls to Mean Women: 5 Tips to Surviving an Impossible Work Environment: Dealing with Female Coworkers”

Although geared to the work place, meanness, competitiveness and jalousies have no limits. “Woman's Inhumanity to Woman” by Phyllis Chesler makes it clear that women can be vicious tone another in families, and betray their friends. Chesler draws on the most important studies in psychology, human aggression, anthropology, childhood developmental theory, primatology, evolutionary theory, psychoanalytic theory, myths and fairy tales, literature, plays, biography, autobiography, memoirs, and studies of revolutionary movements, including feminism. She also shares the findings of hundreds of original interviews conducted over a period of more than twenty years.

As I mentioned in my previous blog on this subject, it is human nature to look around and say to oneself: "I'm not like him; he has had dozens of DWIs, I've only had one." "I'm not like her, she has slept with so many men she can't even count them" or "I've never had an STD." We do this almost instinctively to feel better about ourselves.

And so -- sadly -- even among mothers who have been so denigrated, shamed, put-down, humiliated, and totally misunderstood by the general public...that mothers put one another down whether overtly or covertly.

Who amongst us has not whispered to a friend, "How could she have..." about some aspect of a mother's story that was not within the typical stereotype? Who amongst us have not said or heard it said that someone was not a good candidate for as campaign to help someone in a contested adoption because her boyfriend was in jail or because she had other children taken from her?

Amazingly, even those working toward family preservation...which by definition means helping families in crisis are picky and choosy about what types of crisis we will dirty our hands - and soil our "reputations" by associating with. Secind to poverty, drugs is the biggest cause of mothers loosing custody. And yet many small trial programs have proven successful in helping such fmailies. Family Preservationists need to let go of their haughty attitudes and embrace our sisters who need our support. Instead, we label mothers "abusers" though many are just as victimized as any mother who "voluntarily relinquished." But our need to feel better about ourselves causes us to categorize and make ourselves "better" than "others."

And our final insult is to call a mother a "Crack Whore" even while we get hysterical if someone else does!

So, as Bastard Nation has taken the worst thing said about adoptees and wear it proudly...as gays have taken queer as their own...I too embrace all so-called "Crack Whores" and beseach my sisters...she amongst us who is without sin, let her cast the first stone. For myself, I spent the 60's doing what most young people alive then did...guess that makes me a Crack Whore!


If you want to celebrate you inner crack whore with me, you can get groovy tee shirts and other goodies at Cafe Press.

Broken Family Leads to Murder Once More

In 2002 he was made a ward of the state and later bounced from foster care to his father’s home to jail. Last year state supervision was terminated by agreement of the court, the state, his therapist and his father.

His foster parents threw him out, he was fired from his job at McDonald's and his girlfriend broke up with him.

One report described him as "a young man facing depression, alienation, abandonment, rejection."

His name is Robert A. Hawkins. He was 19 when he shot and killed eight people in an Omaha mall, and himself.

His suicide note sad “he was sorry for everything, that he didn’t want to be a burden to anybody, he loved his family, he loved all of his friends. He was a piece of shit all of his life and now he’ll be famous....

"I'm so sorry for what I've put you through. I never meant to hurt all of you so much and I don't blame any one of you for disowning me," he wrote.

His friend's mother, Debora Maruca Kovac, told the Associated Press news agency that when he first came to live with them, "he was introverted, a troubled young man who was like a lost pound puppy that nobody wanted".


“The tragedy was not a failure of the system to provide appropriate quality services for a youth who needed it,” said Todd Landry, director of the Division of Children and Family Services.

No End to "Legal" Abandonment

Just in case there's not a firehouse or hospital near you - not to worry...as long as you've got a computer.

Now it has been deemed NOT illegal to post unwanted tots on Criagslist!

"This beautiful newborn baby boy of age 9/10 months old, is reported as healthy and calm, A family with approved home study is preferred but all others are accepted on a case by case basis."

Reported healthy? Who is advertising the infant?

State child welfare officials say they’re not investigating a Central Texas family who put their child up for adoption on the Internet. But according to the AP report, "While officials say it’s a risky move, it’s not illegal unless the couple was soliciting money."

Why is snot abandonment if it is in fact the child's mother, or kidnapping if it's not?