Monday, March 8, 2010

Reversing Adoption of 17 year old?

Okay, so, this isn’t an easy ask, but I am the end of my rope! My husband and I had adopted a girl (14 at the time) that we were told definately didn’t have reactive attachement disorder (RAD – look it up if you’re unfamiliar). She also has ADHD. Nevertheless, we have done attachment therapy for three years and tried over and over with this child. She is fully disruptive and mean to us and the other kids in the home. Now she refuses schooling and anything else that will prepare her for the world. My question is, does anyone know how to start the proceeding to un-adopt her? Not what I want to do as a mother of 6adopted children, but I really don’t know how I can live one more day with this child in my home. I am fully aware of the moral obligation that we have taken on, but in reality, we really didn’t want this type of responsibility of anyone that it is impossible to attach with. Please help with PRODUCTIVE answers. Thank you.

Read it for yourself and be sure to also see the comments which include things like: 


  • All I can say to you though is try to just adopt her out, or put her under care of the government 


  • Give her $500 and kick her out of the house 


  • She’ll be 18 soon. Just wait til then. Then she won’t be your problem. 

    The general public - to whom this moron went with this problem - seems to adoption as an easy to dispose of situation. So much for 'forever families."

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Another Father's Rights Bashed

Man FATHER fighting for son his ex gave up for adoption loses in Nebraska Supreme Court

JOSH FUNK Associated Press

9:11 AM CST, March 5, 2010
OMAHA, Neb. (AP) — Six years after his son's birth, a northeast Nebraska man has lost his fight for custody of the boy.

Matthew Ashby of Meadow Grove had alleged that a state welfare worker allowed his newborn son to be taken for adoption by an Alabama couple without his permission.

But the Nebraska Supreme Court refused to reinstate Ashby's lawsuit against his ex-fiancee, the welfare worker, the boy's adoptive parents and a law firm involved in the case. The court's ruling was released Friday.

Ashby had accused his ex-fiancee, Monica Kilmer, of conspiring with Douglas and Tammy Black of Montgomery, Ala., and others to deprive him of his parental rights.

The high court upheld an earlier ruling in favor of the adoptive parents and other defendants.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Disturbing Attitude of NJ Adoption Reformers

I have tried to dialog with those who are trying to get the NJ bill through the legislature. See the proposed bill, S799, is available here and previous post: NJ BIll Adoptee Access Passes The Senate Committee.

I have asked that they remove:
5.    (New section) a.  An adopted person 18 years of age or older, a direct descendant 18 years of age or older of the adopted person if the adopted person is deceased, or the adoptive parent or guardian of a minor adopted person may obtain from an approved agency or the attorney who facilitated the adoption any family history information concerning the adopted person that is contained in that person's adoption file, upon submission of a written, notarized request to the agency or attorney.

As used in this section, "family history information" includes medical, cultural and social history information provided by the adopted person's birth parent and maintained by an approved agency or attorney who facilitated an adoption.
I have suggested that they'd be more likely to get the support of mothers and the ACLU with it. I pointed out that this aspect of the bill dirties it and makes it no longer and issue of EQUALITY.

I pointed out that mothers don't even have access to agency records about ourselves.

It all fell on deaf ears.  Oh well. I tried. I even said that I would consider a POSSIBLE compromise giving the adoptee such access upon the death of the mother or her refusal for contact. Not acceptable. 

This may be the first time I come out in public opposition of an access bill.  Still waiting for feedback from others...

Question for adoptees: If you could get your OBC would that satisfy you, or do you also feel you deserve to have agency records?

Reviewing the NJ Adoptee Records Legislation

The proposed bill, S799, is available here.

The following is a follow-up to an earlier post: NJ BIll Adoptee Access Passes The Senate Committee

Existing: When any person born in New Jersey who has been adopted pursuant to provisions of the laws of any state or country, and which adoption has been certified to the State Registrar as required by [paragraph B of section 15 of P.L.1953, c.264 (C.9:3-31)] subsection b. of section 16 of P.L.1977, c.367 (C.9:3-52) or there is submitted a certification or a certified copy of the decree or judgment of the court in such adoption proceedings, the State Registrar shall establish, in lieu of the original birth record, a certificate of birth showing (a) the name of the adopted person as changed by the decree of adoption, if changed, (b) the date and place of birth, (c) the names of the adopting parents or parent including the maiden name of the female adopting parent if such name is given in the certification or certified copy of the decree or judgment of the court, and (d) the date of filing.

Proposed: During the 12-month period beginning on the date of adoption of regulations by the Department of Health and Senior Services to carry out the purposes of this act, a birth parent of a person adopted prior to the date of enactment of this act may submit to the State Registrar a written, notarized request for nondisclosure or may make such a request to the State Registrar in person. The request for nondisclosure shall prohibit the State Registrar from providing the birth parent's name and home address, as recorded on the adopted person's birth certificate, upon receipt of a written, notarized request for an uncertified, long-form copy of the adopted person's original certificate of birth pursuant to subsection b. of R.S.26:8-40.1 from an adopted person, direct descendant or adoptive parent or guardian authorized by that statute to make such a request.

This decsion MAY BE rescinded at any time.

b.    The State Registrar shall acknowledge, by mail, or if the request is made in person, at the time the request is made, receipt of the request for nondisclosure and shall enclose with the receipt a family history form requesting medical, cultural and social history regarding the birth parent, which the State Registrar shall require the birth parent to complete to the best of the parent's knowledge and return to the State Registrar within 60 days.  The birth parent may update the family history form, as necessary.  Failure of a birth parent to complete the form and return it within 60 days, upon requesting nondisclosure, shall nullify the birth parent's request for nondisclosure.

A birth parent of an adopted person may submit a document of contact preference to the State Registrar indicating the birth parent's preference regarding contact with the adopted person.  The birth parent may change his preference at any time by submitting a revised document of contact preference to the State Registrar.

The State Registrar shall request a birth parent who indicates a preference for no contact by the adopted person to update the family history information every 10 years until the birth parent reaches the age of 40, and every five years thereafter.

5.    (New section) a.  An adopted person 18 years of age or older, a direct descendant 18 years of age or older of the adopted person if the adopted person is deceased, or the adoptive parent or guardian of a minor adopted person may obtain from an approved agency or the attorney who facilitated the adoption any family history information concerning the adopted person that is contained in that person's adoption file, upon submission of a written, notarized request to the agency or attorney.

Prior to providing any identifying information about a birth parent or the parent's family, the agency or attorney, as applicable, shall contact the State Registrar to receive written notification if the birth parent has submitted a request for nondisclosure.  If such a request has been submitted, the agency or attorney shall not disclose any identifying information about the birth parent or the parent's family.
     As used in this section, "family history information" includes medical, cultural and social history information provided by the adopted person's birth parent and maintained by an approved agency or attorney who facilitated an adoption.

I beseech those working to craft this legislation to exclude this violation of HIPPA law and our privacy.  Mothers who lost our children to adoption want them to have rights EQUAL to all other non-adopted citizens. We want them to have access ot their original birth certificates, but they have no right to any information provided by us to our agency workers. THAT is confidential and must remain so. Know our names, know us. Ask us what you want to know. But not this!


I want to add that when I questioned the NJ adoption reformers working on this I was misled and told that it applied only to a "post-1979 law which made it mandatory to get whatever family medical history (diabetes? coronary disease? cancer?) the birth parent/s was/were willing to share." I see no such limitation or mention of any specific form in this proposed legislation. I see a door open to ALL records the agency has on us!  Not fair game. Not equality. Sorry.


What do YOU thinK? What information about you are you comfortable with the agency sharing with your child? What about if you were dead?

Missionaries and philanthro-pimps the and racist, classist herstory of the orphan

Following are excerpts of a MUST READ no-holds-barred view of "on an overall Western-held belief that people in poverty are inherently pathological and broken and therefore can’t care for their own children" by Tiny – or Lisa Gray-Garcia – who describes herself as “poverty scholar, daughter of Dee and welfareQUEEN,” is the consummate organizer and co-founder with her mother of POOR Magazine and its many offspring and author of “Criminal of Poverty: Growing Up Homeless in America.”  


Tiny's mother, Mama Dee, launched one of our most revolutionary and, to date, unfunded and unsupported media advocacy projects, called Courtwatch.  Tiny writes this of her mothers' beginnings:
An unwanted child – unprotected, uncared for and, most terrifying, unloved – this was my poor broke-down mama of mixed race, Taina-Boricua, Roma and Irish descent. To the pedophiles, social workers, teachers and foster parents, she was only one thing, a colored child, without a parent who loved her, framed as a “burden to the state,” foster industry code used to solicit funding for her care. I reflected on my mama’s tragic story, which eventually led to her breakdown as an adult when I was 11 years old, as I was reading the crazy story of the “well-intentioned” U.S. missionaries facing charges in Haiti for child trafficking.

"The lines have always been blurred between colonizer-killer, caregiver and educator in the child stealing-fostering-adoption industry."


The herstory of repression of children and youth locally and globally begins with the racist, classist herstory of the orphan. For hundreds of years, from the Americas to Australia, missionaries targeted Native children as a key element of their assault on indigenous cultures, race and language. Stealing Native children who had parents to teach them the white man’s way and ultimately de-indigenize them at missionary and/or government run boarding schools became the template for the local and global orphanages that exist today in Nicaragua, Zimbabwe, India, Haiti and beyond.

...the goal to “protect” children in need, which is a good goal. But it becomes problematic when the concept of “in need” is judged through a Western, Eurocentric lens...imbued with this belief, missionaries and aid workers may actually believe they are “saving” the working child cared for by multiple community members in a village in Malawi, Nicaragua or Haiti. And like their Western counterparts in this process of seizure, the aid worker and missionary all use and abuse the phrase, “ in the best interests of the child.”
Read this entire explosive piece, The myth of the orphan – from Haiti to Hayward.

Shopping Mall Display Features Kids For Adoption

Adoptees: How Does This Make Your Feel?

SIOUX CITY -- Photos of Iowa children who are waiting to be adopted are on display through Monday at the Southern Hills Mall's center court.

The Heart Gallery of Iowa is a traveling photography exhibit of Iowa children who are currently in foster care and waiting to be adopted into a permanent family.

"The Heart Gallery of Iowa raises awareness not only about children waiting to be adopted, but also about the ongoing need for more foster and adoptive parents in Iowa," said Nicole Pedersen, Iowa KidsNet's Sioux City resource family recruiter.

Local foster parents and staff from Iowa KidsNet will be on hand to answer questions about foster care and adoption.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Who Do You Think You Are?

NBC's "Who Do You Think You Are?" premiered tonight featuring Sarah Jessica parker who calls her genealogical search "intensely meaningful."

Seven celebrities will embark on what is being called "the journeys of their lives--the quest to discover the genealogical roots of who they are" on what the show calls "a journey of self-discovery."

The show is produced by Lisa Kudrow, who ironically portrayed a young women who dealt with the difficulties of never knowing her father on the series "Friends."

"This show personalizes history and turns it into a gripping narrative," said Kudrow. "The most striking thing about the show is the realization of how connected we all are."  Unless, of course, you're adopted!

Sarah, like anyone doing their family genealogy is legally allowed access to documents - for free from public libraries, etc. - about her great, great, great grandparents including the knowledge that one of her distant foremothers was accused of witchcraft in Salem, MA.

Yet adoptees are disallowed knowing their mothers and fathers and disallowed THEIR OWN birth certificates!  The dichotomy is stunning.

Sarah found her "belonging" and will now pass this rich heritage on to her son and her...surrogate twin babies?

RussiaToday Apr 29, 2010 on Russian Adoption Freeze

Russi Today: America television Interview 4/16/10 Regarding the Return of Artyem, 7, to Russia alone

RT: Russia-America TV Interview 3/10

Korean Birthmothers Protest to End Adoption

Motherhood, Adoption, Surrender, & Loss

Who Am I?

Bitter Winds

Adoption and Truth Video

Adoption Truth

Birthparents Never Forget