California's AB 372: Let's CARE about Equality

California reformers are struggling with the age-old question of whether to support legislation with restrictions, such as a proposed amendment requiring that notice be sent to the last known address of the mother – which could likely be the unwed mothers’ home she stayed at during her pregnancy and delivery. If there is no response within 6 months, the adoptee is denied their rights.

I understand the long suffering reformers, like those in my home state of New Jersey, and cannot even begin to imagine the level of frustration seeing bills be defeated in committee year after year, decade after decade…but we must stand strong and committed to our cause and stay on track, united.

An interesting irony of N.J. is the recent judicial decision in the divorce case in which Bruce Springsteen is named in which Ocean County Superior Court Judge Patricia B. Roe, cited New Jersey's "tradition of open public courts," refused to grant Ann Kelly's motion to have the case sealed. Yes, divorce records with all the lies, innuendos and mud-slinging are open to the public!

Pennsylvania’s Office of Open Records passed a Right-to-Know law in 2008, with a mission “to serve as a resource for citizens, public officials and members of the media in obtaining public records of their government." Dominic Pileggi, Executive Director of this independent office, pledged to “work tirelessly to ensure compliance with the law and to help citizens, government officials and members of the media better understand their rights and obligations. My goal is to apply this law fairly and evenly and, through this law, alter what I call the ‘culture of closedness’ that permeates government.” Unless, that is, you’re separated by adopted.

These examples make it abundantly clear that the issue is EQUAL RIGHTS. It is NOT about search and reunion. Not about emotional need to know. Not about heritage or any other feel-good issue. It is not even about medical records (which are protected by HIPAA Laws and cannot be obtained without personal request).

IT IS ABOUT EQUALITY. EQUAL RIGHTS. It is about ending discriminatory restriction that applies only to adoption separated persons, and RESTORING rights that were abrogated against all the best advise of adoption experts.

Focusing on search and reunion and medical need makes it an issue that pits one person’s rights against another’s because it effects more than one person. Equal rights is about the rights of each individual to be equal to that of every other individual.

The idea of "protecting" the alleged rights of persons who "voluntarily" relinquished ALL of their rights regarding another person, or had them terminated, is a bald-faced lie perpetrated by the adoption industry which works better under the cloak of secrecy and fears transparency, openness, and honesty in adoption practices. Freeing slaves hurt the economy - especially plantation owners whose livelihoods depended on it.

There is not one shred of evidence that any mother was ever promised anonymity. And, in fact, if her child were to remain in foster care and never be adopted, no rcords wopuld be selaed, no false, so-called "amended" birth certifcate issued. Even when an adoption takes place, in the vast majority of cases, those adoption - along with attorneys, social workers, court clerks etc. - all have access to the names of the relinquishing parents. Most adoptive parents have - on the adoption finalization papers, at the very least, the name of the baby they are adopting.

There is not one shred of evidence that the records were sealed in the first place to protect anyone other than adoptive mothers, and possibly the adoptee, no more than there is any evidence that unsealing adoption records increases abortions. All are lies and propaganda that - even IF they were true - have no place in a discussion of the HUMAN RIGHTS of persons separated by adoption.

The equal rights of those separated by adoption is an issue of family preservation because it is about preserving the rights of family members separated by adoption. Family preservation (definition in the column to the right) is about continuity of family connections and ending practices and policies that severe, dissolve, destroy, eradicate those ties or place any barrier on reunification.

Note, too, that I speak of the rights of "those separated by adoption" not just the adoptee. This is an issue of family preservationists and mothers' rights activists because mothers who lose their children to adoption also lose the right to see a birth certificate that applies to THEM as the party who gave birth! Hospital records of the birth, as well as agency records, social worker notes, judgements and evaluations of us - even some of what is given out liberally as "non-identifying information" - are OURS.

I have been addressing this issue since 1989 when I presented it at an AAC. I am presenting these issues again at the upcoming AAC on April 25 in Cleveland. I hope to see you there. If you cannot attend, watch these pages for a link to the presentation immediately following the conference. The presentation contains important strategizes for all working on "open records" and those who support the issue.

An Appeal for Mercy

Fifty-year-old, divorcee, superstar Madonna reportedly “broke down” and was an “emotional wreck”, though some reporters thought that her daughter Lourdes the rejection harder than the material Mom.

Not used to not getting her way or being told no, Madonna’s attorney who was shocked at the outcome, has already filed an appeal of the judge’s decision.

The Diva is reportedly “ready to do battle” saying: "I can't believe I'm leaving my beautiful baby behind. It's not right. I love that baby girl ... she needs to be with me."

This, as a man came forward claiming to be Mercy’s father determined that four-year-old Mercy will “be staying in Malawi” with him.

Security guard James Kambew, 24, lives in a remote village 100 miles from the orphanage. Some reports claim he was told Mercy had died in childbirth alongside her mother. Other reports claim he was told by his family and his in-laws to leave town because of getting Mercy’s mother pregnant when she was only 14.

Kambew wants to undergo a DNA test to prove he is the child's biological father. “I bear no grudge against Madonna. But I am Mercy's father and I want her to stay with me.”

It seems that Madonna, who relishes controversy in her real life as much as on stage, simply ignored and learned nothing from the negative publicity surrounding her adoption of David Banda, who also has a father in Malawi. It's called arrogance of privilege. Yet she fired back with indignation claiming it was not true that the laws were bent for her the first time around when the 18 month residency rule most certainly was.

The residency rule, which another judged waived in Madonna’s previous adoption, is important to protect against child traffickers.

She’s not just a material girl, she’s a downright spoiled immature brat who wants what she wants when she wants it and has hissy fits if she doesn’t get it. And after all, she can well afford anything she wants so why should she be deprived this sibling for David? Why should something like a blood bond stand in her way of taking what she wants? She’s only following in Angelina Jolie’s footsteps.

Jolie who adopted Cambodian born Maddox through convicted child trafficker Lauryn Galindo, reportedly said, “I will never give my little boy back. I’ve given him a home, I’ve given him love and he’s mine.” When she found out that he was not a orphan but was stolen form his mother.

Malawi must stay strong and committed to protecting the rights of its children and families. Her appeal must be denied just as she has denied to accept the appeals of experts and humanitarian organizations who work closely with African nations in these areas.

Madonna, please...if you have any charity whatsoever, please listen to the words of your own song, Papa Don't Preach. Think of what inspired those lyrics. Think f the pain of families torn apart by adoption loss and separation. You took David from his father, who he now doesn't even recognize. Haven't you destroyed enough lives?

If James Kambew, who was subjected to societies criticism, proves to truly be mercy's father, can you not see that these words apply to him:

Papa I know you're going to be upset
'Cause I was always your little girl
But you should know by now
I'm not a baby

You always taught me right from wrong
I need your help, daddy please be strong
I may be young at heart
But I know what I'm saying

The one you warned me all about
The one you said I could do without
We're in an awful mess, and I don't mean maybe - please

Chorus:

Papa don't preach, I'm in trouble deep
Papa don't preach, I've been losing sleep
But I made up my mind, I'm keeping my baby, oh
I'm gonna keep my baby, mmm...

He says that he's going to marry me
We can raise a little family
Maybe we'll be all right
It's a sacrifice

But my friends keep telling me to give it up
Saying I'm too young, I ought to live it up
What I need right now is some good advice, please

(chorus)

Daddy, daddy if you could only see
Just how good he's been treating me
You'd give us your blessing right now
'Cause we are in love, we are in love, so please

(chorus)

Papa don't preach, I'm in trouble deep
Papa don't preach, I've been losing sleep
(repeat)

Oh, I'm gonna keep my baby, ooh
Don't you stop loving me daddy
I know, I'm keeping my baby


Madonna is beyond being a stubborn brat. But I hope that the criticisms and issues raised by this very high profule adoption case serve to bring to light the many complex issues of adoption today - not the least of which is the money aspect. I hope if it does not ever reach Madonna's heart and brain it hits others and makes them think twice.

Will Madonna Have Mercy?

As a follow-up to my previous post about Madonna:

1. I have read that Madonna's adopted son David did get to meet his father who dd not recognize.

2. The following are two quotes by spokespersons for Save the Children regarding Madonna's hope to take another Malawian child home with her:

"We believe very strongly that children are much better looked after, even if they've lost their parents, within their home communities." Sarah Jacobs, Save the Children's Africa specialist, working on issues of child protection, hunger, health and education.

"...our biggest concern is that we believe that in the most -- in the majority of cases, orphans, so-called orphans, in fact [are] not orphans -- they have at least one parent living -- and even those that don't, have a wider family that can look after them. And we believe that children in poverty should be best looked after by their own people in their own environment. And that people like Madonna and organizations like Save the Children are best off helping those families by building schools and supporting them to look after these so-called orphans and not transporting them to live across the world in mansions, in pop stars' mansions, that sort of thing." Dominic Nutt, the spokesman for Save the Children UK . "Children best raised in their own environment, charity says" CNN News 3/30/09

3. Ethica's Call to Action on the Mercy James Case
Ethica is calling to action to raise funds to assist Mercy James to be cared for within her country with her extended family of origin. The annual average salary in Malawi is $160.00. If we provide those funds to the care of Mercy James for the next 14 years, we believe not only could she stay with her family, but she should also be able to be educated within her own country. Therefore we are challenging the adoption community to help us raise $2,240 for Mercy James.

Please read Ethica's entire statement on this subject and donate.

4. Joan M Wheeler, born as, Doris M Sippel sent the following comment to the post "Material Mom To Buy David a Sibling". With Joan's permission I make it available here...

This is outrageous! Thank you for pointing out "Taking children from their culture, without concern for their families’ needs, is done all the time—not just by the rich and famous."

My blood boils. It happened to me. Not in this extreme sense of rich white woman picking out a poor black boy, or girl. But in a small-town-big city: Buffalo, New York. Poverty, maternal death, manipulated grieving father, extended family pre-occupied with their own children to help keep the family together, and, the biggie: Christians.

I get nervous when I think about it. While I was growing up, my adopted mother would tell me stories of her life. How her mother, age 23, died of the flu epidemic in 1918. She left behind 4 children: three boys and one girl. The baby was six months old. The father managed to survive the flu (yes, both parents were dying; he pulled through). The close-knit Italian family and friends helped take care of the children while both parents were hospitalized. When the mother died and the father recovered, he moved the children to a German orphanage in the city of Buffalo. This was 100 miles away from the family home near the Pennsylvania-New York border: mining towns. The father somehow managed to work all week, including Saturdays, and come into the city to visit his children on Sunday. Every week.

Then, fire destroyed the orphanage. The children were moved to an orphanage in an eastern suburb of Buffalo. Still, the father either drove up or took a train to visit his children once a week. He paid for their care. But it was an orphanage. People came to see the children line up, sing songs for entertainment, be on their best behavior so that the audience could pick out the ones they wanted to adopt.

This was a Polish orphanage: most of the children were blonde-haired and blue-eyed. And the girls were separated from the boys. My mother was a full-blood, darker skinned, black haired, brown eyed Italian girl. She was strikingly different from the rest of the girls. She was picked for adoption nearly every time the children performed their entertainment.

But her father refused to let his children be adopted. He saw them through to adulthood. My adoptive mother told this story to me frequently. She was happy. To her, the orphanage was her home. She spent 14 years there, and came home at age 16, when her father came back from Italy with a new wife.

But while I was growing up, all I knew was that my mother died and that my father “put me up” for adoption. My adoptive mother, whether she meant to or not, seemed to rub my nose in the fact that her father kept her, and mine didn’t keep me.

When I was 18 and found by 4 older siblings, the truth came out. A Catholic priest told my father, after the death of my mother, that “the baby needs two parents.” The priest didn’t offer any help to keep five children with their father, no, the priest manipulated my father’s weakened sense of ability by re-enforcing the prevailing social atmosphere of giving needy infants two parents. Didn’t matter that we were an intact family suffering the shock of our mother’s death. Just do the right thing and make sure that infant has two parents, meanwhile, the four older kids could flap in the wind and the father absolutely must go to work. He “found” a wife a short time after his first wife’s death, and had a mother there to take care of the dead mother’s children. The children rebelled. Who wouldn’t?

When I was 18 and learned the truth, I was outraged. Still am. My own siblings lived less than five miles from me for the duration of my childhood and I was deliberately kept from them by a mother who insisted on telling me, over and over again, how her father did not want his children to be permanently separated by adoption. It’s okay, though, for my adoptive Mom to take me from my family and adamantly fight for her right to possess me! And then yell at me for accepting a phone call from a sister I never knew. Mom could have her family, but I could not have mine.

I fail to see how this is love.

Somebody please tell me how to cope with these conflicting, maddening, extremes.

And this happened in my own “back yard”. I can drive to the broken down house and look at it: the house in which I was conceived. I can drive to the houses where my father and siblings lived after our mother died. I can drive by the vacant lot where the orphanage used to be. I know where my mother is buried.

I could have had my family. Instead, I was adopted by Christians. Good, loving people who didn’t see the damage being created.

Material Mom To Buy David a Sibling

It's now been confirmed that madonna is arriving back in Malawi to purchase a sibling for David who she was allowed her to have despite Malawian laws against international adoption.

"According to the pop star, she rescued a very ill child who may have otherwise perished, claiming on The Oprah Winfrey Show, he had at thirteen months survived malaria and tuberculosis. His father confirms that that he brought his son to the orphanage because he was unable to care for the sick child after the child’s mother died and there he had apparently gotten the life-saving care he needed prior to Madonna’s “rescue” of him..
"The father, Yohane Banda, reports: “He was one month and seven days old. The orphanage made me sign a letter to show that I was handing him over to their charge, but I suppose deep in my heart I always imag-ined that when he was better, or I had got another wife, I would go and take him back. I did not think anyone would want to take him away.”
"Madonna claimed she was told the boy was abandoned. BBC news reported that she was told no one visited David and that Banda had remarried and gotten on with his life, despite reports that Banda visited his son regularly, cycling the twenty-five miles to the orphanage. In keeping with estimates that 80 percent of children in orphanages worldwide have family who visit and hope to be reunited wit them, Banda stated: “I would bring him food from my garden, then sit and play with him for a while. I wanted him to know that I was his father, that I love him very much. He is my only child still living and I think of him as a gift from God. He is also the best memory I have left of my wife.” Banda told reporters he was surprised and bewildered, but accepted the adoption of his son by what he was told was 'a very nice Christian lady'.
"Malawians take seriously African proverb that “it takes a village to raise a child” thus there is no word for adoption as we know it in the Swahili language. It is common for Africans to send orphaned or impoverished children to live with richer relatives. . . . Unlike in adoptions, the child remains in regular contact with the parents.
"Did the orphanage lie to make money it desperately needed by allowing David’s adoption? Did the father lie about his visits? Did Madonna hear what she wanted to hear? The Centre for Human Rights and Rehabilitation in Malawi expressed concern about the speed and secrecy of the interim adoption and that Yohane did not fully understand that he lost totally custody of his son. Most of all, they were concerned that the eighteen-month required stay in Malawi was not required for Madonna.
"The boy’s uncle and other family members protested David being taken out of the country by a “rich white donor.” The uncle wanted to know how the family would benefit if the adoption went through. “We have seen other parents at the mission who have had their children adopted still living in their poverty. “They have not seen their children—all they see is pictures sent to them. We don’t want that to happen to this family,” he said. In accepting the foreign adoption of his child, his family and village still hope for his return to his culture.
"The Diva said she did nothing anyone else could not have done, despite overriding the eighteen-months-in-country fostering period, and having her new son escorted home in a private jet. Taking children from their culture, without concern for their families’ needs, is done all the time—not just by the rich and famous.
"Banda said that when he met the singer and her husband in court in 2006, when a judge gave the celebrity couple temporary custody of David, he was promised he would be seeing his son occasionally. Yet, in April 2007 when Madonna returned to Malawi to inaugurate her new orphanage in Lilongwe and to promote other phil-anthropic projects, it was reported she didn’t have the time to allow a visit between father and son during her six-day stay. Even after the adoption was finalized in May 2008, there were reports of Banda challenging the adoption on the grounds that the finalization did not contain the agreed upon visits “every three or four years....
"Karen Finley wrote in The Huffington Post of Madonna’s adoption, “Imagine if Madonna’s father could not have supported his children after the death of the mother? And a wealthy African family appeared in Detroit with entourage and took away little five-year-old Ciccone to adopt? Americans, white Americans would go nuts….This Malawi child is leaving his heritage, his people, his language, his family. Yes, he is poor. But now he is also impoverished.…Sounds like colonialism to me….The image of a white, powerful, rich woman and her entourage landing in Africa and selecting a black boy brings America’s history of slavery and the middle passage to mind.” The Stork Market, pp 44-5

David's father is "hoping" to get his son during her upcoming visit. Madonna has made no promises of any visitation between the son she took from his family and his relatives.

The girl, named Mercy James, that Madonna - now a divorced "good Christian woman" - has set her sights on is 3 or 4 years old and like David, her mother also died in childbirth. Like David, Mercy has a father and other family.

According to a recent Huffington Post: "The girl's relatives at first resisted the adoption but have now consented."

Money can do a great deal, can't it, whether it is direct payments to relaitves or her "Raising Malawi" charity that endears her to Malawians and makes them feel OBLIGATED to her.

He said the best interests of the child needed to be taken into account _ whether this was staying in an orphanage in Malawi or getting "an education with Madonna."

What 'education'? That money can buy anything including children? That appearing like a whore on stage is profitable?

Spokesman Dominic Nutt of Save The Children UK asked her to reconsider stating that
many international adoptions are often inappropriate and unnecessary - and some even feed into a criminal 'adoption industry'.... the whole process of international adoptions is often flawed.... barring exceptional circumstances, children should be kept in the care of their extended families or within their communities.

"We believe they are better looked after in their own country as far as is possible," Nutt said. "International adoption can actually exacerbate the problem it hopes to solve." Video available.

The publicity Madonna brings to the subject of the immorality of international adoption, and the high percentage of non-orphans in orphanages, is actually good. Her two adoptions are not atypical. Worldwide 87.8% of children in orphanges are NOT orphans but have at least one living parent. Many people in underdeveloped, impoversihed parts of the world use orphanages for temporary care or for medical care they cannt afford.

In many parts of the world children are stolen or kidnapped, papers and even DNA tests forged, and trafficked for adoption. Well-meaning adopters have wound up unintentionally being recipients of these stolen or kidnapped children.

The money paid by Westerners - $20-$20k and more per child, makes it impossible for locals to compete to adopt children with their own nation.

The really needy kids in orphanages are left behind just as the kids in US and UK foster care are, while baby brokers create "orphans" to meet a demand.

Resources on the truth of international adoption:

1. Child Trafficking by David Smolin. David coned the phrase "child laundering" to describe the network that passes these children through too many hands to trace.

2. Romania for Export Only - describes how numbers and photos are phonied to gain support for orphanages and alleged "unwanted" "orphans"

3. The Lie We Love by E.J.Graff

4. Red Thread or Slender Reed: Deconstructing Prof. Barthelot's
Mythology of International Adoption by Johanna Oreskovic and Trish Maskew

5. Read what those adopted internationally and or interracially feel as adults:

http://www.transracialabductees.org/index.html and: http://tinyurl.com/5qdjqe

6. The Stork Market: America's Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry
http://www.AdvocatePublications.com

7.Read about the Hemlseys, awarded FamilyPreservation hero Award 2009

8. Read fleasbiting.blogspot.com by Desiree, who was told be her adopted daughters that they were stolen from their mother

9. Meet The Parents: The Dark Side of International Adoption

Help!

If anyone knows how to turn the comments back on please write to me at:

MRiben@AdvocatePublications.com

I had turned them off and now cannot get them back on again.

Falsified Birth Certificates

birth' certif"icate

http://dictionary.infoplease.com/birth-certificate

an official form recording the birth of a baby and containing pertinent data, as name, sex, date, place, and parents.

• BIRTH CERTIFICATE (noun)
http://www.audioenglish.net/dictionary/birth_certificate.htm

The noun BIRTH CERTIFICATE has 1 sense:

1. a copy of the official document giving details of a person's birth

Dictionary: birth certificate
http://www.answers.com/topic/birth-certificate

n. An official record of the date and place of a person's birth, usually including the names of the parents.

Familiarity information: BIRTH CERTIFICATE used as a noun is very rare.

I also encourage all to read the wikipedia explanation of birth certificates as a vital record, because because the Fourteenth Amendment expressly grounds American citizenship upon birth in the United States. [Note the word BIRTH]

____________

When we look at the history of "sealed records" the rationale was to protect the child from the stigma of illegitimacy.

The secondary rationale is the alleged protection of supposed promises ho lost children to adoption. A lie started by the NCFA and too often believed by legislators, as is the lie that opening the records would increase abortions. Neither claim has any substantiation because neither is true.

Those who recognize this as a violation of human rights, discrimination and a legalization of shame, seek to return to the pre-1940's sealing of birth certificates - to a form of adoption that is closer to permanent legal guardianship.

The one singular objection to this suggestion is that adopted people would be "embarrassed" or uncomfortable not sharing the same surname with the parents raising them. This is a time when many women keep their maiden name after marriage and step families with multiple names are prevalent.

Ironically, at the same time we are supposed to be protective of children's alleged embarrassments, and continue to legalize secrets and lies to "protect" mothers...gays are making strides in the recognition of their equality. Their right to marry is being seriously considered and has been made legal in a couple of states and they are battling for the right to adopt.

New York State which recognizes same sex marriage recently placed the name of a lesbian's wife on their child's birth certificate. As a result a federal judge ordered the names of two fathers who adopted a child added to his birth certificate. The child was born in Louisiana and adopted in New York.

It is interesting that lesbians welcome patriarchal laws that recognize the legal spouse as parent; laws enacted to protect rights of inheritance when women did not count at all for that purpose.

It is also interesting that in fighting for their equality and rights, gays and lesbians are equally guilty of dishonoring the rights of the adopted as are heterosexuals.

Children are expected to deal with having two mommies or two daddies in their life - and named as their progenitors on their falsified birth certificate - but are alleged to be uncomfortable with not having the same name as their parents...or having a birth certificate and an adoption certificate.

Let's get real here. We are not living in the 1950's. Laws need to change to reflect social and cultural changes.

COMMENTS welcomed. I have reopened the comment option and will screen and post all ISSUE-ORIENTED, non-attacking comments. Commenters are encouraged to state their agreement or disagreement politely, with RESPECT and courtesy to this blog and others who comment.

Thank you...

Click on the image to see a beautiful collection of wide women's words...

HAVEN'T GOT TIME FOR THE PAIN
Carly Simon

Lyrics (Carly Simon/Jacob Brackman)

All those crazy nights when I cried myself to sleep
Now melodrama never makes me weep anymore
'Cause I haven't got time for the pain
I haven't got room for the pain
I haven't the need for the pain
Not since I've known you

You showed me how, how to leave myself behind
How to turn down the noise in my mind
Now I haven't got time for the pain
I haven't got room for the pain
I haven't the need for the pain
Not since I've known you

Suffering was the only thing that made me feel I was alive
Though that's just how much it cost to survive in this world
'Til you showed me how, how to fill my heart with love
How to open up and drink in all that white LIGHT
Pouring down from the heaven
I haven't got time for the pain
I haven't got room for the pain
I haven't the need for the pain
Not since I've known you

------------------------------------

Thanks to those who wrote with understanding and support....they don't need to be named; they know who they are. Bless you all...

UPDATED 3/28/09:
As for a suggestion I name who upset me and have made spurious or paranoid speculations, let me simply say this. One major upset happened via Facebook and the other happened totally offline.

They were temporary annoyances and upsetting and nothing more. But inasmuch as both incidents were misdirected anger by those who have suffered adoption loss I saw a connection and in an effort to understand, feel compassion, and forgive, I blogged about it. I think it sad that our P.A.S.T. is too often misdirected. Period. End of story. Who upset me is no ones business except mine and theirs. They were each confronted directly and they know who they are.

Again, I am thankful for all the loving, caring support. Some days you just get dumped on.

Namaste: The God/Goddess Spirit (or light) within me recognizes and honors the God/Goddess Spirit (or light) within you.