A Few of My My Favorite Quotes

Inspirational Quotes and some powerful female role models


Activism is not for sissies! The more waves you make advocating for change, the more feedback and anger you are likely to incur. These men and women speak volumes and keep me inspired and going! I hope they inspire you.

Bookmark this page. Any time you ever get discouraged, come back and read them again! And PLEASE share your favorites!


Compassion is the keen awareness of the interdependence of all things. --Thomas Merton

The problems we face will not be solved by the minds that created them ~ Albert Einstein

I would not waste my time on friction, when it could be turned into momentum. ~ Frances Willar

Rebels and dissidents challenge the complacent belief in a just world, and...they are usually denigrated for their efforts. While they are alive, they may be called "cantankerous", "crazy", "hysterical", "uppity", or "duped". Dead, some of them become saints and heroes, the sterling characters of history. It's a matter of proportion. One angry rebel is crazy, three is a conspiracy, fifty is a movement. ~ Carol Travis

The people are the only ones capable of transforming society. ~ Rigoberta Manchu

First they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. - Gandhi

All truth passes through three stages: First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. ~ Schoepenhauer

Every great achievement was once considered impossible. ~ H.J. Brown


Whatever you do may seem insignificant, but it is most important that you do it. ~ Gandhi

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. ~ Voltaire

Be careful when you battle monsters lest you become one. - Nietzsche

If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. ~ Bishop Desmond Tutu

All that the evil forces need to win the world is for good men to do nothing. ~ Edmund Burke

Too see right and not do it is want of courage. ~ Confucius

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed individuals can change the world. Indeed it's the only thing that ever has. ~ Margaret Mead

The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not deter us from support of a cause we believe to be just. ~ A. Lincoln

You cannot cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. ~ R. Tagore

I never gave them hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell. ~ H. Truman

Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile I caught hell for. ~ Chief Justice Earl Warren

Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope. ~ Robert F. Kennedy

When anyone steps out of the system and tells the truth, lives the truth, that person enables everyone else to peer behind the curtain too. ~ Walter Wink

The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future. ~ Oscar Wilde

I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something I can do. ~ Edward Everett Hale

No one knows what he can do till he tries. ~ Publilius Syrus

There is only one thing more powerful than all the armies of the world, that is an idea whose time has come. - Victor Hugo

If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back and get it right-side up again. And now that they are asking to do it the men better let them. ~ Sojourner Truth, 1851

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. ~ Dave Barry

I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones. ~John Cage

You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete. ~ R. Buckminster Fuller

Use what talent you posses; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best. ~ Henry van Dyke

The world in which you were born is just one model of reality. Other cultures are not failed attempts at being you. They are unique manifestations of the human spirit. ~ Wade Davis

Speak your mind - even if your voice shakes. Well-aimed slingshots can topple giants. ~ Maggie Kuhn, Gray Panthers

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. ~ Oscar Wilde

And the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. - Anais Nin

Separate reeds are weak and easily broken but bound together they are strong and hard to tear apart. ~ The Midrash

Success is not to be measured by the position one has reached in life, rather by the obstacles overcome while trying to succeed. ~ Booker T. Washington

You can look at a scar and see hurt, or you can look at a scar and see healing.Y ~ Sheri Reynol, "A Gracious Plenty"

How simple a thing it seems to me that to know ourselves as we are, we must know our mothers' names. — Alice Walker

When a mother is forced to choose between the child and the culture, there is something abhorrently cruel and unconsidered about that culture. A culture that requires harm to one's soul in order to follow the culture's proscriptions is a very sick culture indeed. ~ Clarissa Pinkola Estes "Women Who Run With Wolves"

In life, pain and suffering are inevitable; however, being miserable is optional. Anon.

The greater the loyalty of a group toward the group, the greater is the motivation among the members to achieve the goals of the group, and the greater the probability that the group will achieve its goals. ~ Rensis Likert

Nothing great in the world has ever been accomplished without passion. ~ Hebbel

In modern society we are seeing that its just not enough to have truth on your side. You need to let people know about it. ~ Nick Matzke

Hope has two beautiful daughters. Their names are anger and courage: anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they don’t remain the way they are. ~ St. Augustine

Nolite bastardes cabarundum (Don't let the bastards get you down). ~ Scratched on the wall in Margaret Atwood's "Handmaid's Tale"

Emotional Bullying: Internet Road Rage

One of my blog reading "fans" was kind enough to send me a link to an article on emotional bullying. It is very accurate, and I hope that you will find as helpful as I did ... most especially for those of us who purport to be in the "business" of providing SUPPORT. So I thought I'd share some of it.

The article begins:

Emotional bullying is when someone tries to gain control by making others feel angry or afraid. It is characterized by verbal abuse such as name-calling, sarcasm, incessant teasing, threatening, mocking, putting down, belittling, ignoring, and lying. Also known as adult and workplace bullying, emotional bullying also includes such abuse as exclusion from a group, tormenting, ganging up on others, or humiliation. Moreover, this type of bullying also extends to racially or sexually abusive comments and behavior.

Ah yes, we have all experienced this on every list we've been on! We can name names and recognize very specific examples of each and every negative behavior listed here: name-calling, sarcasm...I know I for one have seen a great deal of that, as well put downs and lies.

The article goes on to describe the effects on one's health and emotional well-being - including suicide.

The author then very much echoes what I had concluded about the low self-esteem of the emotional bully. They are most often people who feel so badly about themselves that they can only feel better by belittling others. Putting others down is their only means of feelings superior in a world in which they feel so immensely inferior. Anyone who has been in a verbally abusive marriage or romantic relationship knows this all too well. It also happens in the workplace.

....[emotional] bullies exist along the same continuum as personality disordered persons who have anti-social tendencies and sociopaths. "While they may never exhibit criminal behavior, their inability to have compassion and understanding for others links them to these more severely affected persons. Psychologically, the root of all of these self-serving traits along this continuum is an internal lack of selfhood."

As for how to cope with this cruel and deviant behavior the article goes deeper than simply the advise to ignore them that we have all heard, and I for one often have trouble doing. I am very much guilty of attempting to argue back or trying to "defend" myself against very personal vicious attacks. It is far easier to tall someone to "not take it personally" than it is to do, when YOU are called a hurtful name, at least it's hard for me! The NY "don't back down" in me often gets triggered. But like road rage, we all know where that can lead and it aint good! And "you started it" needs to be left in elementary school yards and toddler playgroups. I assume those who can rad can very easily draw their won conclusions.

I am getting better at "taking it from the source"... turning the other check and walking away from it...though I am still learning. I am not by nature passive, so it is a challenge. I try and remind myself that we are all damaged by our loss and suffering in pain and a great deal of that comes out as misdirected anger. As the article says:

...it becomes easier to ignore a bully once you understand that they are acting out of their own pain and insecurities and that to take it personally doesn't do you any good whatsoever.

There is apparently, too some conflicting advise in this area:

Experts say that the best way to address bullying is to take a strong, proactive stance. In other words, stand up to bullies. If enough people stand up to a bully, the reasoning goes, eventually the bully will be forced to change. However, according to web counselor Burr, "it depends on what you mean by 'change'."

I think some of us got this advise from our parents when we were bullied as kid sin school. In my experience, this works for the occasional, out of character, loss of temper nasty comment from an otherwise balanced and professional person. The article continues:

...while it would be in everyone's best interests for the bully to recognize and change their behavior, it isn't always possible. In other words, it is up to you to change your behavior and your response to the bully....[by] spending as little time, energy and attention as possible on the bully and his or her antics.

One of the final suggestions is:

- Be confident and look bullies in the eye. Speak in a calm and clear voice and name the behavior you don't like and state what is expected instead. For example: "Stop teasing me like that. I want you to treat my feelings and opinions with respect."

I hope you will all read this article in full and pass it around. (The link is in the first line of this post.) I found it insightful and very helpful, and again, I want to thank the anonymous person who sent this to me. We can all - including me - use all the help we can to deal with be being bullied...without falling into the trap of trying to fight fire with fire.

No, I am NOT playing victim. Victimhood is not a position I am at all comfortable with, and not part of my persona. I have plead guilty to, and take full responsibility for my part in these flaming wars and vow to work harder still to change. If each of us would so the same...take responsibility for OURSELVES and stop looking at others faults or what we dislike in them... the Internet - and the earth - would be far safer, saner, and more enjoyable places!

And so...I paused to rethink my "free speech" policy in regard to flaming, abusive comments. As a former university student and employee I know all too well the battles and debates over freedom of speech versus hate speech versus censorship. After some thought I have to conclude that what a publicly or private ly supported/financed institution does is one thing. This is a privately owned and controlled blog. My blog. I want to keep it a SAFE PLACE, and will exercise that right from this point forward.

DISCUSSIONS are clearly welcome on this and any future (and past) topics posted, of course! But discussion must be limited to the FACTS and ISSUES presented in the post. personally attacking or flaming comments will NOT be posted-- or a best will be carefully censored and name-calling etc. DELETED!

Please consider this when attempting to comment on this blog.


Peace...

PLEASE TUNE IN!

Donna Montalbano is "Speaking of Adoption"
Listen on the internet at www.onworldwide.com

The guests on this week's archived program are:

Mirah Riben of Origins-USA and author of Shedding Light on the Dark Side of Adoption and The Stork Market: America's Multibillion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry.

And Dr. Josephine Ruggiero, Professor of Sociology, author of Eastern European Adoption: Policies, Practices and Strategies for Change.

Find links and more details on these interviews on the "Guest" page of this website.

To listen: Go to www.onworldwide.com and click on ON DEMAND, then on the show name.

Live on the airwaves Tuesdays at 2 pm ET

Live (and archived) on www.onworldwide.com!

click to listen live

click to listen anytime

**************************

A RADIO OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU!

Radio host Delilah has been heard asking for callers to email or call if they have adopted children or are mothers who lost children to adoption. Point of story was so that she could talk about the positives and unselfishness of the "birthmother" and how happy the adopted family is.

Website....http://www.radiodelilah.com/home/home.html
Her web-based email form: http://www.radiodelilah.com/ShareYourStory.html
Email: d@delilah.com
OR: Call Delilah at 1-888-6Delilah
There is no indication when she will air this show, or any other on adoption...but enough of us call in she may even change the theme of the show, realizing that it is not all "positive"!
You are encouraged to tell YOUR STORY, briefly but with truth and emphasis on the longterm effects: grief, pain, loss, guilt...Please feel free to mention that you are member of Origins-USA.org, an organization that advocates for mothers' rights and keeping natural families together.

Adoption Dochotomy IV - A Truely Sad State of Affairs

Yesterday I posted "Adoption Creates Many People/Many Needs"

I posted about groups making referrals: Each group focusing their energies on what they do best - be it activism, support, conferences, retreats, public education... and referring people in need to other groups for other specialties.

That was the entire gist of the post: A suggestion that we make better use of our time and better serving our constituents.

How sad and pathetic that mothers who lost children to adoption (presumably) took that as an opportunity for name-calling, casting false assumptions and lies, and in general acting like a nasty school-yard gang saying nah-nah-nah nobdy likes you/everybody hates you. (The "nobody/everybody" of course being the four-headed Hydra who flamed.) Who asked? I wasn't applying for a popularity contest! I was making a suggestion about group dynamics and networking for the betterment of those in need of our help.

What is far more troubling than personal attacks on me, is that we have mothers judging-- who suffered more? Who's "story" is more deserving of support from a support group that is open to all mothers who lost children to adoption? Who amongst us shall cast the first stone? Who amongst is so pure as to judge another undeserving of support?

I hear this in many areas, not just on this blog. I have heard mothers treated as lepers because they had their rights terminated, or surrendered an older child not an infant, or because they lost more than one child...or they were married but the child was not their husbands...or for whatever reason...JUDGED! And judged CRUELLY and harshly. I have even heard broad based judgments based on mothers age or the "era" in which she lost her child as to how much she suffered versus how many options she allegedly had available....as if ANY LOSS is any less a loss than anyone else's loss.
The irony of this is that it is just that kind of judgment by society, social wokers etc that got us all here.

Hate is hate. Bigotry is bigotry. It is all based on FEAR and one's own insecurities, and hate for one's own is based on pure and simple self-loathing.

"He can't be a man 'cause he don;t smoke the same cigarettes as me" (m. jagger/k. richards)

It is sad and pathetic. I understand that we are all wounded by our loss and that anger is a natural part of our process. But I am steadfast in my loathing of intolerance and elitism of any kind, and devastated that people in support groups - there allegedly to offer support to all mothers who have lost child to adoption - could think this way - let alone speak it or put it in writing for the whole world to see!

It is sad, it is pathetic, it is mean and cruel.

It is beyond my comprehension...that my seeking for us to extend more help to mothers, would be received with such inane mad viciousness instead.
Incomprehensible and reprehensible!

The only bright side that gets me through such devastation is realizing what a insignificantly small percentage of mothers are like this.

Evil is everywhere...the flip side of good. It just makes me all the more appreciative of my dear friends: the good, loving, caring kind sister-mothers! I hope you too have found caring supportive friends...and have the strength to ignore the haters, realizing that is sadly only themselves that they hate.

I wish ALL mothers - the good and the evil, the sane and the not-to-sane, the pure and the not-so-pure...I wish you all PEACE, love and nurturing! We have suffered far too much to bring additional suffering on one another - for any reason.

Adoption Dichotomies Part III: Adoption as a Last Resort

Why is it that people get offended or defensive when I mention that the United Nations states that adoption should be a last resort for chidlren (UNICEF Press Release March 7, 2007)?

"What does this mean? Are you saying adoption is not a wonderful, warm fuzzy, win-win that saves "unwanted kids?" I'm asked.

Well, first of all, it's not ME saying this, it's the United Nations...well, more exactly UNICEF the United Nations International Children's Fund - organization dedicated to working for global rights of chidlren. (But the, I have even read a blog of an adoptive mother trying to stop her child's school from Trick or Treating for UNICEF and met many adopters who strongly oppose the UN's efforts to support exploited nations like Guatemala because it limits their supply of babies to adopt!)

The Convention on the Rights of the Child, which guides UNICEF’s work, clearly states that every child has the right to know and be cared for by his or her own parents, whenever possible.

Recognising this, and the value and importance of families in children’s lives, UNICEF believes that families needing support to care for their children should receive it, and that alternative means of caring for a child should only be considered when, despite this assistance, a child’s family is unavailable, unable or unwilling to care for him or her.

For children who cannot be raised by their own families, an appropriate alternative family environment should be sought in preference to institutional care, which should be used only as a last resort and as a temporary measure. ..In each case, the best interests of the individual child must be the guiding principle in making a decision regarding adoption.

Over the past 30 years, the number of families from wealthy countries wanting to adopt children from other countries has grown substantially. At the same time, lack of regulation and oversight, particularly in the countries of origin, coupled with the potential for financial gain, has spurred the growth of an industry around adoption, where profit, rather than the best interests of children, takes centre stage. Abuses include the sale and abduction of children, coercion of parents, and bribery, as well as trafficking to individuals whose intentions are to exploit rather than care for children.

Yet saying that adoption should be a last resort is considered heresy!

Unless...that is, of course...if you want a child. Then it is perfectly acceptable today to openly discuss your lengthy experiences with fertility treatments in detail and to make it very clear, that finally, after dealing with the failure of your body and then the failure of modern medicine to "fix" your medical problems in regard to conception and pregnancy...then, and only then does one begin to consider.....options such as surrogacy.....and finally, regretfully....AS A LAST RESORT: Adoption.

That's OK to say. People are very open and verbal about that...but it's not cool to say that adoption should be a last resort for chidlren.

Many who write about fertility and adoption, such as Adoption History/infertility recognize this:

Adoption has been a last resort, a way to make families only after the normal, preferred, method of biogenectic reproduction has been tried and failed.

Those who work with infertile couples and prospective adopters such as Robin J. Roberts, LCSW, PhD recognize this fact very matter-of-factly:

EMBRACING ADOPTION

Most couples do not begin planning their families with adoption. It's probably safe to say that even you began your family planning "the old fashioned way" and only wanted to consider adoption as a last resort. So here you are.

Should Adoption Be Our Next Step After Failed Infertility Treatments?

If a couple is able to accept their own fertility issues, and not look on adoption as a “last resort,” it is a good choice. However, there is always the possibility that, especially if a couple has had failed infertility treatments for a long time, that the adopted child will indeed seem as a last resort, and that the child might even be made to feel as though he is second-best.

Well, DUH. Ya think? Especially when people today blog their entire "journey" from discovering their infertility through their final "choice" to adopt...

And do you think any human human being would CHOSE to be raised by people he was unrelated to? Wondering who their original parents and why they given up? Do you think that's anyone's first choice? Or should be?

Adoption Creates Many People/Many Needs

For a long time - back in the dark pre-historic, pre-internet days - adoptees, (birth) mothers and adoptive parents - aware of the pain of adoption - joined forces and were called a triad. While we maintained separate groups such as CUB focusing on birthparents, Adoption Forum and ALMA, focusing on adoptees, and groups like APFOR (Adoptive Parents for Open Records) being obviously made up on adoptive parents...we all networked and got along

The good old days? Images of John Walton's family all saying goodnight? Hallmark cards and flowers? To some extent, yes. It was a simpler time. We got along easier - working jointly on events like a marches to Washington - because we all share done common goal: Open Records and all worked on search and support.

My first book (shedding light on...The Dark Side of Adoption) published in 1988 reflects this comraderie and the idealistic hope that we could all continue to learn from one another's perspective to increase compassion, honesty and openness.

Today, not only are the three sides of the old "triad" far more separated but even within each of those groups there are many subdivisions.

There are adoptive parents who support open adoption, those who do "theoretically" but "cannot" because they adopted internationally, and those who are simply opposed to it and chose closed adoptions. Some who buy into every myth and believe their child is "the same as if" born to them, and others who wear their adoption status proudly and loudly as a symbol of their altruism. Some who never mention it and others who blog and attend every conference on a option they can and make their life revolve around it (true of mothers and adoptees as well.).

There are adoptees who still believe that everything is honkey dory in adoptionland as long as as adults they are "allowed" the "privilege" of peeking at their own birth certificate as if it were a hornets nest. And there are a growing number of adoptees who want total equality, while still others seemingly want only to rant in total ANGER at having been adopted and want to speak out against the entire institution and in particular international adoption. And, of course, there are the: "My REAL mother is the one who raised me and I have no need for any other" variety, some who are quite boisterous about that!

And mothers...ahh...now there's a diverse group. There is not even a unilateral agreement on what they call themselves! Some now use:
Firstmothers
Original mothers
Birthmothers
Senior Mothers
BSE Mothers
Mother who lost children to adoption
Mothers!

And what they seek in terms of healing varies just as widely. Some want simply a sisterhood - like a sorority - which has an annual reunion called retreat. Just hang out, laugh...party.

Some are still coming to terms with their loss - having just awakened from their years of denial by being found, or being faced with a major change in reunion status...or because the loss was very recent, maybe even being contested. These mothers need a great deal of SUPPORT, hand-holding etc.

Other mothers are more interested in activism, and find it very healing because of its empowerment, others are focused on apologies for the past, and still others just seem to wallow in anger or self-pity. And, finally there are those still in denial or consciously against any involvement in or discussion of the subject.

Why decipher some of the major groups into which mothers (and others) fall within the adoption "movement"? First to point out that all are legitimate positions - there are no right or wrong ways to deal with something so personal. AND...many people have a foot in more than one grouping and/or will float back and forth over time. There are LOTS of us who are members of multiple groups, organizations and email discussion lists because each serves a different need and broadens our horizon and understanding. AND...many people grow and change over time, and their needs change.

More importantly, IMHO, is to recognize and allow for these different needs of mothers and be pleased that there are a multitude of groups to fill their many needs.

I have often drawn the analogy between my adoption loss and a chronic illness, such as my RA. Neither will ever be cured; both have ups and downs (remissions and flare ups); and both require a combination of treatments to just survive with a minimum of pain to be able to function. The rheumatologist who treats my disease often needs to refer me to orthopedic surgeons and others. Like any caring, non-threatened doctor who wants the best for his patients, he doesn’t deny me that referral for fear that he will lose me as a patient. He knows that the disease effects me in many ways and I need complementary resources to deal with it all.

It would be best for the health and welfare of all of us to follow this model and openly refer to one another. A far cry from putting down other groups simply because they face the issues with a different strategy, philosophy or mode of support.

Origins-USA, for instance lists meetings, conferences and events from other groups; participates in RegDay and in general networks with many, many groups and organizations from Ethica to aPEAR. We have no fear that our contact with them will "contaminate" or water-down our mission, because we are strong and committed to our goals!

While Origins-USA has recently established H.U.G.S. (Helping "U" Get Support) for one-on-one telephone and email support, and we also have a discussion forum...we currently have no in-person support groups and do not plan either a retreat or conference in the near future.. So why not refer people out for these services?

To withhold such options as are available is to replicate the cruelty of what was done to us to obtain our children.

We need to be the change we want to see. Thus, we need to be open and honest and offer all mothers all their OPTIONS!

Adoption Dichotmoies Part II

There are so many glaring dichotomies in adoption I may just have to make this an ongoing regular feature of this blog. Please be sure to see Part I, and Gotcha Day.

Today's dichotomy is in reply to the many people who say that "I/we" use language that commodifies children, as when we speak of the "adoption industry" and the fact that the USA both imports and exports children for adoption. I have even been known to state that children are bought and sold, and surely the use of the terms supply and demand cannot be attributed to me alone!

Now, let's take a look at those attempting to adopt - and those encouraging them to do so. What are their concerns/questions about the process of caring for a child unrelated to them?

Adoption Q &A BND.com

Why adopt from Korea and China?The time between completing paperwork and taking a baby home is one to two years. In other countries, including the United States, it can be as much three years or longer.

Can you request a boy or a girl?Yes, though it depends on the country. In China, there typically are more girls up for adoption. In Korea, it's boys.

Do I have to travel to bring a baby home? How much time will I spend there?In China, you must go in person. In Korea, arrangements can be made to have the baby brought to the United States.

How much does it cost? Adoption fees and processing vary by agency and country. A general figure is up to $20,000.

There are half a million "hits" on google for adoption costs! Many of these pages express the following:

Adoption Costs and Financing Adoption

For many parents-to-be, one of the biggest hurdles on the road to adoption is finding the necessary funds. On this page, find tips for financing adoption, learn ways to lower travel costs, read about how other parents did it, and much more.

The above article includes a link to this information obtained from an Adoptive Families 2007 survey of costs:

Highlights of the adoption cost survey:

The majority of domestic newborn adoptions cost less than $25,000, while more than 75 percent of international adoptions cost more than $20,000. [Ed Note: these are all infant adoption, not domestic adoptions from foster care.]

The majority of adoptions from Korea cost between $20,000 and $30,000.

The majority of adoptions from Ethiopia and China cost between $15,000 and $25,000.

The majority of adoptions from Russian and Guatemala cost more than $30,000.

38 percent of domestic adopters had at least one "false start," in which adoptive parents worked with one or more birthmothers before a match that succeeded.

The majority of "false starts" cost less than $5,000. [Ed Note: This is because people CHOSE to pay finder fees to adoption facilitators]

When you look further into the breakdown of these fees, it looks like this:

Agency fees, attorney fees....

Birth parent expenses _{(Amount and type of expenses allowable for payment usually restricted by state law and subject to review by the court.)}

Medical expenses (prenatal, birth/delivery, postnatal for mother; perinatal care for child):

Low - $0 (insurance) High - $10,000 - $20,000 (depending on difficulty of the delivery, etc.)

Living expenses (rent, food, clothing, transportation, etc):

Low - $500 High - $12,000

Legal representation: Low - $500 High - $1,500
Counseling: Low - $500 High - $2,000

Then there are International Agency fees, if you go that route:

Agency fees: Low - $10,000 High - $30,000

And, unless you consider your travel a vacation, you need to include:

Fees in the foreign country

Travel expenses (transportation, hotel, meals)

Foreign agency placement fee

Foreign attorney legal and placement fee

Foster and medical care for the child

Use of translation and escort services by US agency representative in the foreign country

Foreign court filing fee and document fees (birth certificate and adoption decree)

Required "donation" to orphanage or agency

Translation services and escort services

Passport office fees

And yet - despite all of the SHOPPING and COMPARISON PRICING - adopters are "offended" - even indignant - at honest language that addresses the FACT that adoption is a "business" and children as "commodities"! My oh my!

Let us not forget that anyone who CHOOSES to spend these outrageous fees are NOT, as they wish to appear, helpless victims trying merely to help, save or rescue a child.

"Clearly, not everyone seeking to adopt is capable of parenting older children or siblings, typically the children who are most in need of permanent homes. However, the astounding fact is nearly forty percent of American adults, or 81.5 million people, have considered adopting a child. If just one in 500 of these adults adopt, all of the 114,000 children in foster care waiting for adoption would have permanent, loving families, according to a National Adoption Attitudes Survey." The Stork Market, p. 39

Talk about wanting your child and wanting to keeping your dignity, too! Can we all say: Adoption Dichotomy!?

Keep watching this blog for more Adoption (Let's Have it ALL, Both Ways) Dichotomies. Perhaps an exploration of God's role in all this??