Sunday, May 20, 2007

Getting Out The Message


Videographer Wanted!

Ever wish we could afford a PSA telling young women the facts about the long-term effects of relinquishing on mother and child? Well, there is a very INEXPENSIVE way to reach and influence many young women: YouTube!

Imagine, if you will, a series of brief clips of women of all ages telling how adoption affected them in ways they had never imagined. Some women old enough to have lost their child and grandchildren; others very young women who entered into open adoptions only to find it all a lie...and some adoptees speaking of their pain sealed records has caused ...not knowing their identity and feeling of abandonment; maybe an older LDA...

I envision half a three or four short films – each having about four clips. Some might even include young mothers saying that raising kids is difficult but they’d never go back and NOT do it even if they may have waited a little longer to become mothers)....adoptees relating the struggles of searching...struggles of “not fitting in” with their adoptive families, despite them being good people who they love...

Woman after woman saying they wished they’d known how awful relinquishing was for them and their child....maybe an older woman saying she thought it was the best thing to advise her daughter to relinquish and how much she now regrets having not helped her daughter to raise her grandchild.

Maybe we could do some taping at the CUB retreat in October!

As a result of TV documentary on religion a YouTube blasphemy challenge was launched. As of today, it has received 1250 video responses/contributions, 26,545 comments – and has been viewed 416,066 times!!

See also:

YouTube Popularity Eclipses, and Influences, Fall TV Season


Intel Brief: YouTube, another revolution
YouTube and others will lead to more "citizen journalists," increase the value placed on reliable sourcing and make it difficult for governments to control information. From Mercyhurst College.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

The Post-Adoption “Community”

Please copy this and post as a GUEST BLOG!
Forward widely and spread the word!





In the beginning of each person’s journey to recovery from our traumatic losses, there is a need to find a shoulder to cry on and to know that we are not alone feeling the pain of our adoption losses. We need to scream, vent pent-up anger etc…all are extremely helpful, necessary and cathartic.

But we each reach a point where we can choose to remain whining, angry victims forever or channel that anger for change! There is no greater force for change than anger. Rosa Parks was damn angry and not about to take it any more. The gays are not taking it anymore and are demanding equal rights.

The second stage of our healing process is empowerment through making changes for others! I think about MADD which was founded by a small group of California women in 1980 after a 13-year-old-girl was killed by a hit-and-run driver.

I think about Maureen Kanka the mother of Megan who got sex offender registry legislation in every state in the union! Child Find, started by parents of loss and the nationwide Amber Alert system begun by parents and named after their abducted and murdered child.

I think about The Mothers of the Plaza de Mayo, Argentinean women who have become worldwide known human rights activists in order to re-unite with their abducted children.

None of these people came to their causes with any other “expertise” or special abilities other than passion and anger. They all had just one ting in common: They knew it was too late to reverse their own loses, but were committed to ensuring that others would not suffer as they and their children did! And they all succeeded in making very positive changes! They are my heroes and my role models. These mothers turned their righteous indignation and deep personal loss of their children into positive action to help prevent the same loss for others in the future. They ensured that their children were not lost in vain. Instead of wringing their hands, they empowered themselves and set themselves free form victimhood. They did something! They made change!

Maureen Kanka and her husband were able to do it with just the two of them because their cause had no opposition (except the ACLU). Protecting innocent children from potentially murderous pedophiles is pretty much of a no-brainer. Legislators were eager to support this very popular legislation.

We do not have that privilege! Adoption is big business and many are very happy with the status quo because it is filling a constant demand for their paying clients and voting constituents. Keeping the babies coming is in their best interest and they have power and money. Additionally, the Christian conservative evangelic movement is waging an full-fledged mass media campaign to promote adoption! They are teamed up with the National Council for Adoption who has opposed open records since we first attempted to open them.

We are in the midst of an all-out major propaganda war. (See blog post directly below, "The Quiet Revolution"). The only chance we have to combat this onslaught and save anyone from the pain of separation from family through adoption, is to put aside our personal likes and dislikes of others and our petty power struggles that have plagued the adoption reform movement for over 30 years…and UNITE! The silver lining in this could is that it might help us motivate and coalesce progressive/liberals on our side.

There is power in numbers and we need all the power can muster to combat those who want to continue profiting by exploiting mothers and commodifying children.

Blogging can be powerful tool when we all work together, as many of us are doing to help Stephanie Bennett. But we need to do more. A website and a blog have been established to serve as a repository for information needed for letter writing to newspapers and legislators. They are still in the process of accumulating the data but there’s a good start, especially in terms of Safe Havens, and the information will continue to be posted. The two sites are:
www.PPFFPP.org and www.FamlyPreservation.blogspot.com. Both are in their infancy.

PPFFPP stands for parents and Professionals For Family Preservation and Protection. This came about as a result of the (unexpected) international interest in the book The Stork Market: America’s Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry which is a no-holds-barred, powerful and well-documented report of the dirty business of domestic and international adoption, and the harm it causes ALL members of the triad. I wrote this book. It is not about me, nor did I write this book—or my previous book, ”shedding light on…The Dark Side of Adoption” (1988), or any of the myriad articles I have had published—to tell my own sad story, for any pity, or any personal glory or “fame”…and least of all not for monetary profit.

In addition to writing, I also created and support www.TwiceLost.org the adoption kinship memorial wall and encourage those who have lost a loved one to adoption who is now deceased to post a permanent memorial there for them. Donations to support it are accepted but not required to submit a name to be posted. I also created and support The BirthParentProject.org, a survey of over 500 mothers and fathers who have relinquished. This project is in need of the help of someone with expertise in statistical data analyzing, presentation and reporting. There are powerful results to be published here about what natural/original/first mothers and fathers want in terms of anonymity/confidentiality and open vs sealed reords.

I do everything I do to stop the damage that is being done to ALL by adoption! But I cannot do it all alone!

The book is the blueprint, the manifesto for Family Preservation. Read it! Encourage others to read it. Request your libraries and legislators order it and read it! If you cannot afford the discounted price (printed cost plus postage) please write to me. Review it online and for your local newspapers. Spread the word…and come together via FamilyPreservation.blogspot.com so we can ALL brainstorm our ideas to get the word out and battle the forces that want to keep selling our children!

We need to work TOGETHER! Power in numbers…power to the people!

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. Margaret Mead

You may think your actions are meaningless and that they won't help, but that is no excuse, you must still act. Mahatma Gandhi

The greatest menace to freedom is an inert people. Louis D. Brandeis

Reformers who are always compromising, have not yet grasped the idea that truth is the only safe ground to stand upon. Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little. Edmund Burke

Words without actions are the assassins of idealism. Herbert Hoover

Whatever you do may seem insignificant, but it is most important that you do it. Mahatma Gandhi

In a democratic society, you're supposed to be an activist; that is, you participate. It could be a letter written to an editor. Studs Terkel

Activism is my rent for living on this planet. Alice Walker

How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it. Marcus Aurelius

When anyone steps out of the system and tells the truth, lives the truth, that person enables everyone else to peer behind the curtain too. Walter Wink

In times of universal deceit, telling the truth will be a revolutionary act.
George Orwell

If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, then what am I? And if not now, when? Hillel

Monday, May 14, 2007

A Quiet Revolution is Underway

The following has been submitted for publication. PLEASE DO NOT COPY:

Womb Warriors:


“Call out the instigators
Because there's something in the air
We've got to get together sooner or later
Because the revolution's here, and you know it's right
And you know that it's right”
Thunderclap Newman


Anyone who has seen (or read about) the film Jesus Camp knows that there are Christians teaching children to be soldiers for God to “take back America.” Becky Fischer of Kids on Ministry International who ran the ill-fated camp said in the documentary: “I wanna see young people who are as committed to the cause of Jesus Christ as the young people are to the cause of Islam. I wanna see them as radically laying down their lives for the Gospel as they are over in Pakistan and Israel and Palestine and all those different places, you know, because we have... excuse me, but we have the truth!…

“I can go into a playground of kids that don't know anything about Christianity, lead them to the Lord in a matter of, just no time at all, and just moments later they can be seeing visions and hearing the voice of God, because they're so open. They are so usable in Christianity.”


Whatever your feelings about a parents right to indoctrinate their children into their beliefs, there are still bigger plans among conservative religious leaders. At their recent three-day summit in Colorado, they teamed up with Tom Atwood, president of the National Council for Adoption. This is nothing new. Tom is a long-time friend of the religious right and they of him. What is new is a full-fledged propaganda war being waged to recruit Christian soldiers through adoption.


With all the ingenuity and marketing skills available to them, they are attempting to couch their pro-adoption stance as a noble plan to help the hundred of thousands of children in foster care. But, Focus on the Family founder James C. Dobson, a major player in this new path of evangelism, expressed concern that foster parents typically are permitted to take children to church but cannot force religion on them. They must adhere to other state guidelines as well, some of which may contradict their faith such as parents “disciplining” their children physically with switches as taught by Dobson, a child psychologist.


While some of the flock may in fact adopt children from foster care —replacing abuse in the name of Satan from their original parents with abuse in the name of God—concern for orphaned and abandoned children is a smoke screen, or at best unclear. Their agenda is mired with using adoption as a tool against abortion, against single parenthood, and for evangelism.

At a recent three-day summit in Colorado Springs, members of Focus on the Family and Campus Crusade for Christ joined Evangelical leader Rick Warren and dozens of other pastors from across the nation to promote adoption via a media blitz. Many of those attempting to fulfill the edict of promoting adoption, resort back to the old ‘abortion not adoption’ arguments, which have nothing to do with children in foster care.


Ken Connor, the attorney who represented Governor Jeb Bush in the Terri Schiavo case and Vice Chairman of Americans United for Life, reporting on the pro-adoption summit (A Selfless Choice: In Celebration of Adoption, Townhall.com May 12, 2007) calls abortion big business and extols the “virtues” of adoption—a far bigger and corrupt—multi-billion dollar industry.

Connor goes on to tout infant adoption as a win-win for everyone including the mother who loses her parental rights, her child, and her relationship with him. That’s a lose-lose: a permanent, irrevocable lifetime loss that mothers and their families never fully forget or recover from. Some describe adoption as aborting the mother. It most assuredly aborts the relationship between the two.

Lost in the dogmatic rhetoric being spewed by both ideological extremes among pro-choice and pro-life proponents….the third choice, the most compassionate and moral choice gets lost, dismissed, and totally ignored by both sides in an attempt to prove their chosen “choice” is the better of the “two.” UNICEF’s position is that adoption should be a last resort. “Families needing support to care for their children should receive it, and that alternative means of caring for a child should only be considered when, despite this assistance, a child’s family is unavailable, unable or unwilling to care for her or him.” This is the moral and ethical “choice” to be promoting and none other! A decline in children being abandoned by mothers for adoption is something to celebrate, not bemoan…as does Connor and his followers. A decline in adoption is related more to single parents finding the support they need to parent, not an increase in abortions.

The only reason to encourage and promote more relinquishments and more adoptions is to fill a “demand” for healthy white infants, which, in fact, is counter to a goal of finding homes for older, non-white, or physically challenged children being supported by state funds. It is uncharitable and un-American. The same is true for supporting and encouraging international adoption.


The truth behind the curtain becomes clearer in the fact that working hand-in-hand with, and praising the efforts of, these pro-adoption zealots is Tom Atwood, president of the National Council for Adoption, which represents non- and for-profit adoption agencies. While the NCFA web page purports to be about finding homes for children in foster care as their goal, one click on their mission page shows in black and white their first and foremost agenda item: “Train pregnancy counselors and health care workers in infant adoption awareness, so women and teens with unplanned pregnancies can freely consider the loving option of adoption.”

Other items on their agenda list include the promotion of anti-family, anti-parenting programs such as so-called “safe havens” that allow for the legal abandonment of infants and putative father laws to speed relinquishments of newly born babies, causing one to ask if the real reason is to maintain the supply of “adoptable” [read acceptable] babies for their contributors, cronies, constituents or clients.

Also contrary to promoting the adoption of U.S. orphans, on the NCFA agenda is “Work[ing] with the U.S. and foreign governments to establish sound policies for inter-country adoption, so foreign orphans can be placed with loving, permanent families.” Seems foster care children are the foot in the door to get tax incentives and other benefits for their clients who seek to adopt primarily infants. All good social engineers know the advantages of starting with a “blank slate.”[1]

Additionally the NCFA is not just pro-adoption, they are the largest—and in many states the only—opposition to open record legislation returning to adoptees their right to their own true identity as protected by the UNICEF CRC and recommended by all experts on child and family issues.

Pro-life organizations can be known by whatever family-orientated, all-American sounding names and their adoption agencies can be called cutesie “baby saving” and “hope-filled” names…they may even invoke the name of, or believe that they are doing the work of, God…. but their tactics are all counter to true Family Preservation as spelled out in the constitution of the United States which protects parental rights; the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child; and message of Judeo-Christianity. Being pro-family means being supportive of all families…not judging who has the necessary finances or marital status. Nor should children be removed from abusive parents to go from the frying pan into the fires of hell, damnation and corporal punishment all in the name of God. Is this how Jesus meant for us to help widows and children by promoting the creation of more orphans and punishing children?

[1] For more on American adoption as social engineering see Barbara Melosh, Ellen Herman, and E. Wayne Carp.

Mirah Riben
author of “THE STORK MARKET: America’s Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry” (2007)
and “shedding light on The Dark Side of Adoption” (1988)

Sunday, May 13, 2007

The REAL, Ethical and Moral Choice is Ignored by Ideaologs




Connor claims that abortion big business. It is adoption, however, that is a multi-billion dollar industry. A business that preys on exploiting mothers and expectant mothers in crisis both here and abroad. Unlike pregnancy termination, the adoption industry is financed by those who profit from another’s loss.

Because of the demand for infants – especially white, healthy infants to adopt – expectant mothers in any less than the ideal, well-healed situation are bombarded with doctors, friends and relatives advocating on behalf of a “deserving” and “desperate” couple. If the mothers is young, poor, single or in any other way less stable she is told endlessly how difficult mothering will be and the “advantages” to her and her baby, as Connor extols.

Adoption is in no way a win-win for the mother who looses her parental rights and her child. To imply that it is insulting….a subtle implication that the mother is “relived” of her “burden” by relinquishing, and another way of trying “convince” women to relinquish to maintain the supply of ‘adoptable’ babies.

Adoption is a permanent, irrevocable lifetime loss that mothers will never get over. For her child, it is also a lifetime loss of genetic connection and heredity replaced with feelings of rejection and abandonment that exists in those adopted even into the most loving homes. As a result, adoptees are seen in all kinds of mental treatment facilities in disproportionate numbers as compared to non-adopted.

Women facing crisis pregnancies need to know that so-called promises of “open” adoption are just that - promises. They are not legally upheld in most states. Despite what expectant mothers are told, adoption does not guarantee better life – only a different one. Stable married adoptive parents die, divorce, and even abuse and kill children entrusted into their care. Single mothers marry. Adoption is a permanent solution for a temporary situation.

It is cruel and immoral to speak about choices and disregard the most scared choice of all – supporting mothers and newly forming families to remain intact. A decline in children being abandoned by mothers for adoption is something to celebrate, not bemoan!

UNICEF’s position is that adoption should be a last resort. ““Families needing support to care for their children should receive it, and that alternative means of caring for a child should only be considered when, despite this assistance, a child’s family is unavailable, unable or unwilling to care for her or him.” This is the moral and ethical “choice” to be promoting and none other!

Pro-lifers have been somewhat under the gun to improve their image as being concerned only for the unborn. Adoption is NOT the only other alterative. For mothers, that is giving them a choice between the devil and deep blue sea. Just because adoption benefits those who want healthy white infants – instead of being compassionate and charitable enough to care for older, non-white, or physically challenged children, tens of thousands of whom are in need of loving, permanent homes - is not reason to promote the breakup of families that need and deserve support. Adoption is intended to be in the best interest of children. The pursuit of infants to adopt, however, ignores in the best interest of the 130,000 thousand children from foster care who can never be reunited with family, nor is it in the best interest of other children to be commodified to meet a demand.

Bring pro-family means to support all families…not to judge or exploit poor or young ones!

Mirah Riben


Saturday, May 12, 2007

Blessed Mothers' Day

Wishing a loved and loving Mothers' Day to all who are mothers and/or have a mother.

My thoughts and prayers as Mothers' Day approaches are for motherless children and childless mothers everywhere. To every mother who has a child who has gone from her sight: deceased or whereabouts unknown, my heart is with you on this day....and to those whose children do not speak to them or make contact.

Those of us connected by adoption who have lost a loved one twice might want to visit: TwiceLost.org The Adoption Kinship memorial Wall.

I would also like to ask those interested to commemorate this day by supporting The Kinship Caregiver Support Act (HR 2188) supported by the Child Welfare league of America to address:

  • 6 million children live with relatives—4.5 million of whom live with grandparents - most of these families are not a part of the formal child welfare system.

  • Almost 20% of grandparents responsible for their grandchildren live in poverty. Overall population statistics in 1997 indicated that 27% of children living in grandparent-maintained homes lived below the poverty level, compared with 19% in households maintained by parents.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

All in a Day's News...


by Mirah Riben

http://www.opednews.com

Tell A Friend

May 3, 2007: Prominent evangelical Christians are urging churchgoers to strongly consider adoption or foster care, not just out of kindness or biblical calling but also to answer criticism that their movement, while condemning abortion and same-sex adoption, doesn't do enough for children without parents.

It’s very charitable to urge congregants to take in foster children. It is quite another to promote adoption without making some clarifications and distinctions, and deeper thought into the intent of our duty to care for “widows and orphans.” The word orphan is unambiguous: a child who has no parents or extended family to care for him. There are currently half a million children in foster care in the US. Of those between 126-143,000 cannot be reunited with their families of origins. The adoption of these children is worthy of promoting.

The word widow requires a bit more explanation and updating. The Hebrew/bibical word for a widow — almanah — carries multiple meanings: any woman who is left without a provider for any reason; the state of loneliness, abandonment or helplessness. In New Testament Greek, the word for widow is cheras and refers to a woman who has lost her husband in any way, whether through death, divorce, desertion or imprisonment. One scriptural example of this broad definition is found in Isaiah 54, where God describes a woman who has been forsaken by her husband. “For you will forget the shame of your youth, and will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore” (verse 4). Her husband is alive, yet she is a widow in God’s eyes.

Today, this would likewise include women who were left alone – with child - prior to marriage. It is clear that Jesus did not judge and commanded us not to. Promoting adoption as an alternative to abortion for women in crisis pregnancies, or for congregants, ignores the essence of assistance of mothers and children.

Whether domestic or international, the adoption of infants – as opposed to children already in foster care - might take one child out of poverty but it does nothing to ameliorate the poverty of his family, community or the nation from whence he came. Infants have become a sought-after commodity in demand creating a market of coercion and exploitation both here an abroad. Children in many parts of the word are not "rescued" by adoption - they are stolen, kidnapped and sold into adoption.

The most loving, caring, Christian act is to offer assistance to mothers in crisis. Foster BOTH a mother a child! Adoption, as it is practiced in the US today, denies those adopted knowing their roots. This was not the case in biblical adoptions, i.e. Moses and others. Adoption is for the truly orphaned, only.

Adoption should also not be promoted without distinguishing between ethical and unethical agencies and providers, a daunting task in the current climate of privatized US adoptions where anyone – with no training, education, or licensing can hang a shingle and open a business called “adoption agency.”

Perhaps the evangelicals who suggest promoting adoption might read the other two news stories, relased the very same day as thir suggestion (above), and think out their decision more carefully:

May 3, 2007: Simone Boraggina and Joseph Beauvais, owners of “Waiting Angels Adoption Agency” of Macomb Township, Michigan were arraigned on felony counts of racketeering and tax fraud. Police seized $523,700 from safety deposit boxes in the owners' homes -- money prosecutors believe the pair bilked from couples who wanted to become adoptive parents. Couples were promised to help couples adopt Guatemalan children and accepted tens of thousands of dollars in fees but failed to deliver.

May 3, 2007: In Copley Township Ohio, another private adoption business was in trouble with the law, again. The state began investigating “A Child's Waiting.” Involved in a case of minor child who was allegedly told by the agency to run away from home to relinquish her five month old daughter, the agency was cited for numerous procedural and paperwork violations that could jeopardize its license because it has a history of similar citations, state records show.

The agency also failed to submit acceptable plans detailing how it would make sure the violations don't occur again, the state said. A Child's Waiting was founded in January 2000 and has handled about 1,200 adoptions since then, according to the agency's Web site. The agency has been cited seven times previously for violations because of complaints, and its license has been reduced to ''temporary'' twice because of previous problems, according to state records.

The agency has been cited seven times previously for violations because of complaints, and its license has been reduced to "temporary'' twice because of previous problems, according to state records.


Cited seven times and license reduced to temporary - but still in "business" and acting in very unscrupulous ways!

How can people of good conscience promote adoption when agencies such as this cause harm to adoptive and birth parents, and worst of all to innocent children – every single day. How can we broad brush support adoption when there is no line of demarcation that anyone can see between ethical and unethical adoption practitioners? How can we advocate a game of Russian roulette with our most precious and most vulnerable?

We have instead a moral obligation to clean up the mess that adoption has become, not to promote it to help our personal or collective image.

Take action -- click here to contact your local newspaper or congress people:
remove profiteering in adoption

Click here to see the most recent messages sent to congressional reps and local newspapers

www.AdvocatePublications.com

Author of "shedding light on...The Dark Side of Adoption" (1988) and "The Stork Market: America's Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoptuion Industry" (2007) www.AdvocatePublciations.org

MIRAH (aka Marsha) RIBEN has been researching, writing and speaking about the need to reform, humanize, and de-commercialize American adoption practices for nearly three decades.

Former Director-at-Large of the American Adoption Congress, is co-founder of Origins, a New Jersey-based national organization for women who have lost children to adoption.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Guilty Until Proven Innocent

May 3, 2007 at 07:03:02

Guilty Until Proven Innocent; The Dark Side of Adoption

OpEdNews.com

by Mirah Riben

What did Jonelle of Mesa. Arizona do to her months-old son in the three days she got to see him that was so horrible? Why is her constitutional right to parent her child being challenged, not by the state or her son’s father—but by unrelated strangers? Equally important, why is this infant, Adrian Zane, being denied the right to be with his mother?

Jonelle, a 24-year-old intelligent and fully capable college graduate with a bachelors degree in nutrition and a minor in chemistry from the University of Arizona was studying for MCATS to enter medical school when she became pregnant. She is not a drug user nor has she been in any trouble with the law in any way. She doesn’t even smoke cigarettes.

On October 18, 2006 Jonelle gave birth to her first child—a healthy son who she has never been accused of abusing or neglecting. Jonelle is self-supporting as a neuro-monitor, a job that would allow her time with her son, as she only works 20 -25 hours a week with full-time pay. She lives in a two-bedroom, two bath townhouse with ample, clean space for her and her son.

Jonelle discovered she was pregnant shortly after moving to South Carolina. She had no friends and no family in the area. Her son's father distanced himself and wanted her to abort the pregnancy. “What was supposed to be the most beautiful time in a woman's life,” she says, instead “was the most depressing and lonely time of my life.”

A single expectant mother, Jonelle went to her parents for help. Instead of helping her, however, their feelings of shame caused them to hide her and her pregnancy from all extended family and friends who might have influenced her to do anything but what her parents wanted their grandchild placed for adoption without anyone ever knowing…except of course Jonelle.

Given no help or options, Jonelle found what she thought was a reputable adoption agency called “A Baby To Love” and dialed a toll-free number.

After 24-hours of labor, alone, Adrian was delivered by caesarian section. Three days later, still in the hospital, weak, groggy from the surgical birth, confused and stressed out…Jonelle was given relinquishment papers to sign by an attorney she had never previously met, and whom she believed was representing her interests. At the same time, she had a 30-minute first ever meeting with a couple who wanted to adopt her newborn son. Within an hour after that meeting on a Friday, the attorney called to tell her that she had to make a decision about the adoption by end of business that day, before the weekend. She felt as if she was having a breakdown but got no help, only pressure from her parents, the attorney and a social worker. Jonelle says, “I never wanted to give my child up. I truly felt forced.”

In a plea to the judge Jonelle wrote: “There was never a time throughout the adoption process that my rights or lack of rights were ever discussed with me. The content of what I was to sign was NEVER discussed with me until the day I signed. There is no way after going through the emotional trauma I went through during my pregnancy and giving birth to my son ALONE, by C-section, I was able to fully understand the content of what I was signing. I was never told that after I sign the papers there would be no way I could reverse my decision. I was misled into believing I had ninety days to reverse my consent… I didn’t understand the consequences of signing that document.... I never wanted to sign those papers, NEVER.”

Jonelle’s story, unfortunately, is far from unusual. In a 2006 online survey of mothers who relinquished, eighty-two percent of the 424 respondents reported feeling pressured to relinquish. Sixty percent said they experienced coercion, signed under duress, or felt their legal rights had been in some way denied.

How was this young woman—or anyone in her position—to understand that the attorney she was trusting to represent her, was in fact representing the interests of those who pay his fee—prospective adopters? L Ann Babb, Ethics of American Adoption states: “[A]doption, more than any other human service, is rife with conflict of interest. Adoption agency social workers and attorneys routinely represent both birth and adoptive families [who are] party to the same adoption. Agencies whose very existence is based on fees paid for consummated adoptions claim to offer unbiased ‘crisis pregnancy’ counseling to expectant mothers.”

Despite the fact that the American Bar Association’s Standing Committee on Ethics and Professional Responsibility concluded in 1987 that a lawyer may not ethically represent both parties, dual representation in adoption is permitted in Kansas and California, and prohibited in Kentucky, Maine, Michigan, Minnesota, New York, and Wisconsin. All other states, including South Carolina where Jonelle gave birth and signed relinquishment of her rights, are silent on the issue. Why would anyone think such a thing could be possible? It would not be allowable in any other legal transaction, so why would have any reason to suspect such impropriety, especially in a case involving something as important as the transfer of child custody?

How are expectant and newly delivered mothers to know that infant adoption in the US has become big business based on a dwindling “supply” of healthy white infants to meet demands? How many of any of us are aware that: “…there is no professional standard for or regulation of adoption practice” or that we have “profit-based motivation in child placement [that] is … loathsome” and “largely driven by money.” Would she or anyone know that “[p]rofessionals have yet to develop uniform ethical standards… or to make meaningful attempts to monitor their own profession”? or, that the adoption agencies and facilitators “main job” according to adoption facilitator Ellen Roseman “is coaching prospective adoptive parents.”

How is any such woman to know that attorneys like the one she was dealing with was one of many attorneys acting as a private adoption facilitator or intermediary….a go-between who scouts for women just like Jonelle: expectant mothers alone and in crisis acting on behalf of clients who pay his fees to obtain the sought after commodity of a healthy while infant? Anyone—attorney, clergy, physician, car salesman or hairdresser—can hang a shingle and arrange adoptions with little to no oversight of any kind, other than the regulations to open and run any type of business.

Alex Valdez Jr., spokesman for the California Department of Social Services states: “Essentially, [adoption facilitators] are required to have a business license, publish a list of their services, and [have a] $10,000 bond before they hang a shingle.” And, if a match fails—as it did the first time for Jonelle—the facilitator can offer the same child to another set of would-parents and collect yet again. Randall B. Hicks, an adoption attorney whose fees, home studies are paid for by his adoptive parent clients, said facilitators are “not licensed nor trained to do anything.”

When “in other professions and occupations, licensing or certification in a specialty must be earned before an individual can offer expert services in an area. The certified manicurist may not give facials; the certified hair stylist may not offer manicures” why is unreasonable to expect the same of adoption practitioners? “Yet…individuals with professions as different as social work and law, marriage and family therapy, and medicine may call themselves ‘adoption professionals.’” In adoption “…anyone with enough money to advertise him- or herself as an independent adoption facilitator can claim expertise and get into the business of moving children from family to family.”

How could a woman be expected to make such an important, and irrevocable decision without being properly informed? The Child Welfare League of America’s Standards of Excellence for Adoption Practices recommend that all mothers considering adoption and their families receive “counseling to help them understand the grief and loss” they may experience. This is only a recommendation, however, and is not enforced.


Elizabeth
Samuels, Associate Professor of Law, University of Baltimore, states: “For mothers considering placing their children for adoption, skilled, unbiased counseling is invaluable: complete, well-communicated information is indispensable; and time is, perhaps, ‘the wisest counselor of all.’” Yet Samuels notes: “Many of these state laws do not ensure that best practices will be followed in all infant adoptions…. When a state places its legal imprimatur on the unmaking of one family and the making of another, the state should at least ensure to the greatest extent possible that all the individuals involved have followed or have been afforded ‘best practices.’ These are the practices that ethics and humanity demand…. In a number of other countries—including European countries and Australian states—consent may not be given or does not become final for a period of approximately six weeks.”


Jonelle and Adrian, like all mothers and babies who are unnecessarily torn apart by adoption will suffer life-long feelings of loss. Yet, despite the gravity of an act made by the stroke of a pen that affects the lives of many extended family members—both related and by adoption—the distressed mother is denied the decency of a “cooling off” or grace period, unlike any other legal transaction.

What “crime” did Jonelle commit that created an orphan of her cherished son? Being innocent and lacking the knowledge that infant adoption in the US is often corrupt and exploitive; that there is an invisible line separating black market adoptions from business-as-usual in the multi-billion dollar unregulated industry of American infant adoption. Jonelle was worn down, physically and emotionally exhausted, lacking any support of any kind, and believing for just long enough to put pen to paper that it was the best, or only, thing she could do. And by the time the ink dried on that paper, Jonelle had legally abandoned her child and become an unfit mother in the eyes of the law, and her son left to pay for the “sins” of his father.

Jim Gritter writes in Lifegivers: Framing the Birthparent Experience in Open Adoption: “How curious that one moment these critics admire [a mother’s] contemplation of adoption and consider it a sign of maturity, and the next they consider it a cause for concern. The proposed act that one day was regarded as a ‘loving choice’ is the next referred to as ‘unloading responsibility.’”

If her new attorney is successful in getting her relinquishment revoked based on coercion and pressure and the timing so soon after her birth….she will still have to prove her fitness as compared to the strangers in whose custody her infant son has now been for fewer months than he was inside of her. Why? Why must she prove her fitness? Why is she guilty until proven innocent? She is “guilty” of having trusted “her” attorney to explain and represent her rights. If she had never made that one phone call to a so-called adoption “agency” and instead simply given birth and taken her son home from the hospital, there would have been no question of her fitness. The irony is that in doing what women are told is “best” for their babies, they are automatically labeled unfit.

Infant adoption in the US is in dire need of an overhaul. “Professionals and organizations concerned with professional adoption practice have uniformly opposed the facilitation of adoption through intermediaries, such as medical doctors and attorneys, who are neither trained nor licensed to provide child placing services….” Yet, there is “no professional association or academics, no certification or licensing procedures, no professional recognition as adoption specialists, and no training or educational qualifications.”

Unlicensed, untrained adoption facilitators hurt all of the parties to adoption. They are often only charged when they have ripped off or scammed one of their paying clients, and few of them ever press charges. But the most innocent, most vulnerable are of course at the greatest risk. Lack of proper background checks by unregulated entrepreneurs have led to children being placed with pedophiles and even murderers, all in the name of free enterprise. Who is concerned about, and protecting the rights of, these precious children—and their mothers—after they are born?

This article also appears at: CounterCurrents.org

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Sources:

L. Ann Babb, Ethics in American Adoption, Westport, CT: Bergen and Garvey, 1999.

Laura Mansnerus, “The Baby Bazaar: How Bundles of Joy Not for Sale Are Sold.” New York Times, October 26, 1998

Dan Gearino, “Special Report Hope & Risk: Money, Hope Lost In Failed Adoptions,” Courier Des Moines Bureau and Courier Lee News Service. February 20, 2006.

Jamie Court, “Beware the Baby Profiteers.” LA Times, August 20, 2006.


Elizabeth J. Samuel, “Time to Decide? The laws governing mothers’ consents to the adoption of their newborn infants.” Tennessee Law Review, V. 72, Winter 2005.

Lifegivers: Framing the Birthparent Experience in Open Adoption. Washington, DC: CWLA Press, 2004.


Mirah Riben is the author of “shedding light on…The Dark Side of Adoption” (1988) and “The Stork Market: America’s Multi-Billion Dollar Adoption industry” (2007)

RussiaToday Apr 29, 2010 on Russian Adoption Freeze

Russi Today: America television Interview 4/16/10 Regarding the Return of Artyem, 7, to Russia alone

RT: Russia-America TV Interview 3/10

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