tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post7282655318414947624..comments2023-12-26T19:43:01.770-08:00Comments on FAMILY PRESERVATION not Adoption Separaration: Emotional Bullying: Internet Road RageMirah Ribenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13626873757236976251noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-10404264616526102592008-08-14T14:11:00.000-07:002008-08-14T14:11:00.000-07:00Very interesting further info on the subject:Anoth...Very interesting further info on the subject:<BR/><BR/>Another view on bullies and self-esteem:<BR/><BR/>http://tinyurl.com/56r7ub<BR/><BR/>"Likewise, people with high self-esteem think they make better <BR/>impressions, have stronger friendships and have better romantic lives than other people, but the data don't support their self-flattering views. If anything, people who love themselves too much sometimes annoy other people by their defensive or know-it-all attitudes. Self-esteem doesn't predict who will make a good leader, and some work (including <BR/>that of psychologist Robert Hogan writing in the Harvard Business <BR/>Review) has found humility rather than self-esteem to be a key trait of successful leaders.<BR/><BR/>"It was widely believed that low self-esteem could be a cause of <BR/>violence, but in reality violent individuals, groups and nations think very well of themselves. They turn violent toward others who fail to give them the inflated respect they think they deserve. Nor does high self-esteem deter people from becoming bullies, according to most of the studies that have been done; it is simply untrue that beneath the surface of every obnoxious bully is an unhappy, self-hating child in need of sympathy and praise."AdoptAuthorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16916713887846028762noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-64702203714042534322008-08-14T13:45:00.000-07:002008-08-14T13:45:00.000-07:00The examples of what mothers in particular who har...The examples of what mothers in particular who harness their anger properly can achieve are endless. And some of the most effective are mothers who have lost chidlren:<BR/><BR/>Megan's law - started by Megan Kanka's mother to reduce the number of other children abducted and killed by sex offenders.<BR/><BR/>MADD - these mothers all lost chidlren and work to change drunk driving laws. They do not sit in judgment of who is WORTHY of their support or not!<BR/><BR/>There are so many, many more...both US and internationally, like the Mothers of the Plaza.<BR/><BR/>I have so many quotes about the power of women and the power of all of us as opposed to one of us...you know...<BR/><BR/>Why anyone would waste their time their energy bullying is beyond me! But if you look at the classic bullier - it is someone who has done little to nothing PRODUCTIVE toward ending adoption harm or the harm of the adoption industry. Hoe can they be productive when they are so busy counterproductive? <BR/><BR/>Or, is part of the anger that they are so unproductive and do not know<BR/>how to harness their own talents?<BR/><BR/>All I know is...I don't have the time - nor the interest - going to blogs to argue!! <BR/><BR/>Well...that's not entirely true. I DO go to blogs that extol the virtues of adoption and perpetuate myths and set them straight! being a myth-buster, IMHO, a somewhat constructive use of my time, energy and anger. I hope to educate the authors of the blogs and other readers and encourage others to do likewise.AdoptAuthorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16916713887846028762noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-58442449767888888502008-08-14T13:29:00.000-07:002008-08-14T13:29:00.000-07:00Perhps some of us believe that we lost our kids ca...<I>Perhps some of us believe that we lost our kids cause we didn't fight enough and that has left some of us in perpetual fight mode?</I><BR/><BR/>Yes, I can see your point here too. Many of us become hypervigilant in different areas. Some pursue higher education, some go after material stuff, the right husband, the perfect job, being the perfect mom, all in and effort to justify we are somehow finally worthy of our children and to be loved.<BR/><BR/>We need learn (at least I do) that we were always worthy and always loveable. We werent bad. Our children werent bad.<BR/><BR/>The system, the beliefs, the religious views, the laws THEY were bad.<BR/><BR/>And yes, channel the anger. Nothing wrong with anger. Use that energy against the industry not each other. When I see blog wars and nastiness, I cannot help but wonder how awesome it would be to harness all that energy and use it for something more productive.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-65460669649311032722008-08-14T12:06:00.000-07:002008-08-14T12:06:00.000-07:00Perhps some of us believe that we lost our kids ca...Perhps some of us believe that we lost our kids cause we didn't fight enough and that has left some of us in perpetual fight mode?<BR/><BR/>But as you said, Suz, and I have often said - the key to anger is leanrning to channel it against the real enemies - and that sure as hell aint me or any other mothers who is in the same boat of loss....it's the baby brokers!<BR/><BR/><B><I>"Hope has two beautiful daughters. Their names are anger and courage: anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they don’t remain the way they are."</I></B><BR/>St. AugustineAdoptAuthorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16916713887846028762noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-4706794483314007402008-08-14T11:28:00.000-07:002008-08-14T11:28:00.000-07:00"I dont tolerate attacking me or other mothers. At..."I dont tolerate attacking me or other mothers. Attack the industry, the social structures, the problems, NOT the people. We have all been hurt enough."<BR/><BR/>Thank you for adding this very important point!AdoptAuthorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16916713887846028762noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-3350951481419143572008-08-14T10:54:00.000-07:002008-08-14T10:54:00.000-07:00Interesting article. Thank you to your "fan" for s...Interesting article. Thank you to your "fan" for sharing. So very true. Admittedly I struggle with standing up to bullies, I tend to just ignore them, write them off as toxic people and dont go near them. <BR/><BR/>If they continue to pester me, I then stand up and set a boundary. I also regularly delete BS comments from my blog. I dont tolerate attacking me or other mothers. Attack the industry, the social structures, the problems, NOT the people. We have all been hurt enough. <BR/><BR/>I am glad you are rethinking your free speech concept. I view your blog (and mine, and anyone elses) as an internet home. If you allow people to come to your blog and attack you, what does that say about your own self esteem? Would you let them walk into your house and crap on your floor? If you invited them into your home and they were abusive what would you do? (Figuratively speaking, I dont mean YOU personally Mirah). <BR/><BR/>Free speech is one thing. Being an abusive nasty ass to someone in their internet "home" is another. <BR/><BR/>You dont deserve it anymore than I do or anyone else does. No one protected us back then. We must protect ourselves now.<BR/><BR/>Again, thanks for sharing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com