tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post6401478138318398127..comments2023-12-26T19:43:01.770-08:00Comments on FAMILY PRESERVATION not Adoption Separaration: Wake up, Little SandraMirah Ribenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13626873757236976251noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-90074448214921216042007-06-21T11:04:00.000-07:002007-06-21T11:04:00.000-07:00Marah wrote..“1) No woman willingly gets pregnant ...Marah wrote..<BR/><BR/>“1) No woman willingly gets pregnant intending to give her child away except a paid surrogate, and many of them are deluded into believing that it will be easier than it actually is.”<BR/><BR/>Of course this is true.. But when a woman gets pregnant and knows she can not take proper care of the child.. she takes responsibility for her actions and does what is best for the child..<BR/>As I did.. <BR/><BR/>I made the decision to relinquish..<BR/><BR/>You wrote.<BR/>2) Once a woman carries a baby to term, sees it, hold it...no matter what her circumstance...it is excruciatingly hard to part with that child. She mush be persuaded, convinced that it is her baby's best interest to do so.<BR/><BR/>She must be persuaded??? Are we talking about the same kind of persuasion that happened in our time?<BR/>The society telling us that we can not have an illegitimate child? Or our parents telling us we must not shame our family?<BR/><BR/>Persuasion to me.. is taking away the ability or not allowing another individual to make a life changing decision on his or her own.. And telling a pregnant woman or a soon to be father that they must/should keep the child is wrong.. <BR/> <BR/>You wrote.<BR/>“If you think not, then what do you think is happening?”<BR/><BR/>What is happening according to the Donaldson report (and my personal interpretation of it) is that the women that are relinquishing today have already had children and are relinquishing because they know they can not care for another child.. <BR/><BR/>http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/research/2006_11_birthparent_wellbeing.php<BR/><BR/>Or a woman that wants to get on with her education and knows she does not want to parent and gives her child to a man or a woman or a couple that want to parent..<BR/><BR/>The teenagers are keeping their children according to the Donaldson Report.. The ones easily led are keeping.. I find that interesting.<BR/><BR/>You questioned..<BR/>"You are Canadian and relinquished int he US in 1965 and stayed with your child in foster care for three months?"<BR/><BR/>I did not see my son.. I did not see him born.. I was drugged for the birth.. This was Florida Miami..<BR/>The law in those days was the child was put into a foster care program till all the papers were signed.. <BR/>I never saw my son.. <BR/><BR/>You wrote<BR/>“There is no other family problem that has its weaknesses played upon by those who pretend to be <BR/>"counselors."”<BR/><BR/>And what of the women/men that want to relinquish in this day and age?<BR/><BR/>Is she/he ‘played upon’ and persuaded by the ones that have decided the universe is not friendly? Told that there are people out there to ‘get her’/them?<BR/>Do we take away his or her reasoning powers? Take away their ability to actually make a good and proper decision? A decision that they can actually live with in the years to come..<BR/><BR/>Or do we still render the relinquishing parent childlike? Take away any kind of process of making a decision..<BR/><BR/>I agree that there are some terrible things happening in the US on terms of coerced adoption.. <BR/>But that is what needs to be stopped.. not a woman’s (man’s) right to make her own decision to relinquish a child to adoption..<BR/>To shame a woman into keeping her unborn child is wrong.. and this is what I think is happening today to some people.. Always the word ‘some’..<BR/><BR/>JackieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-38176186848082318342007-06-20T08:34:00.000-07:002007-06-20T08:34:00.000-07:00Speaking for myself (a 67-68 relinquishment) and w...Speaking for myself (a 67-68 relinquishment) and women then, and now still... "persuaded" is a gentle and true word to describe what took place and is taking placing. Some received far more pressure than persuasion, and others were made to believe it was their own free choice.<BR/><BR/>1) No woman willingly gets pregnant intending to give her child away except a paid surrogate, and many of them are deluded into believing that it will be easier than it actually is.<BR/><BR/>2) Once a woman carries a baby to term, sees it, hold it...no matter what her circumstance...it is excruciatingly hard to part with that child. She mush be persuaded, convinced that it is her baby's best interest to do so.<BR/><BR/>"A woman has a right to make her own decision.. Words such as the ones written above astound me..<BR/>Are women that easily led in this day and age? I think not.."<BR/><BR/>If you think not, then what do you think is happening?<BR/><BR/>You are Canadian and relinquished int he US in 1965 and stayed with your child in foster care for three months? Where? US or Canada? I am unaware of any 3-month foster care program in the US for mothers and babies.<BR/><BR/>My daughter was born in the USA in 1967 and was in foster care for six months. I was allowed to see once a under very restrictive conditions.<BR/><BR/>Though my desire to parent was known as my reluctance to sign relinquishment papers, I received not one word of encouragement or help to do so, only pressure to sign.<BR/><BR/>There is no other family problem that has its weaknesses played upon by those who pretend to be <BR/>"counselors."<BR/><BR/>There is today, in the US still o enforcement of informed choice before obtaining a relinquishment, no provision for separate legal counsel.<BR/><BR/>This is indeed astounding.<BR/><BR/>Women can be taken out of state, isolated, pressured and coerced, made to feel liable for reimbursement of expenses paid on their behalf for medical care...and given papers to sign immediately after birth that are permanent and irrevocable. etc...<BR/><BR/>No waiting period...no cooling off period.<BR/><BR/>This is astounding.AdoptAuthorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16916713887846028762noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-68996027463979635942007-06-20T07:49:00.000-07:002007-06-20T07:49:00.000-07:00Hello MirahThank you for allowing me to post on yo...Hello Mirah<BR/><BR/>Thank you for allowing me to post on your blog.. <BR/><BR/>I did not have a bad experience when I relinquished.. I was treated fairly..<BR/>This on terms of what was known about giving a baby up in the sixties. And yes I have read Wake Up Little Susie..<BR/><BR/>I approached the agency and they helped me.. I took care of myself till the delivery and I took no money except for hospital care.<BR/><BR/>I worry about the sweeping (negative) generalizations written and said about adoption in this day and age.. <BR/><BR/>I know women that have given their babies up for adoption because they did not/do not want to raise a child.. Yes they grieve but.. they did not want to parent.. <BR/>No coercion.. No bad adoption agency looking for vulnerable pregnant women..<BR/><BR/>I also believe that there are many many adoptive parents out there that are wanting to make sure infant adoption in the US is above board and not riff with coercion.. <BR/>Of course I am against rushed signing and money given before the birth.. <BR/><BR/>I recently read a news story about the Australian policy of a child being put into permanent foster care rather than being relinquished and taken into a permanent adoptive home..<BR/>The news story said that Australia is running out of foster care providers..This because the government is not willing to support foster care providers when they do not have children in the home.. The policy is that the foster care provider has to get a job in between taking in a child in need of a home.. <BR/><BR/>I think of the US and all the problems in that country.. Lack of medical insurance etc.. <BR/>I wonder if the Australian policy would work there. I am a Canadian.. I relinquished in the US..<BR/><BR/>I personally want to work towards making sure a woman is not coerced into relinquishing.. <BR/>In 1965 I waited three months with my son in foster care (a policy at that time) before I signed the papers that told me he was no longer my son.<BR/><BR/>On reading the foreword of your new book.. by Evelyn Robinson I am struck by her inability to give women the dignity and right to actually decide whether to give her baby up for adoption or not..<BR/>She wrote..<BR/>“ Readers of this book will also learn that there are an alarming number of adoptions taking place in the United States with the consent of the parents (usually the mother). I am astounded that so many American women are apparently able to be persuaded that it is in the best interests of their children to be separated from their families and raised by strangers. This is in stark contrast to what is happening in other countries, such as Australia, where such adoptions are rare.”<BR/><BR/>A woman has a right to make her own decision.. Words such as the ones written above astound me..<BR/>Are women that easily led in this day and age? I think not..<BR/><BR/>According to the Donaldson report.. women relinquishing in the US are older now.. <BR/>The younger ones are keeping.. <BR/><BR/>JackieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-50584390356888180392007-06-19T14:57:00.000-07:002007-06-19T14:57:00.000-07:00Welcome Jackie,You have the right to use any word ...Welcome Jackie,<BR/><BR/>You have the right to use any word you wish here. I do skirt it because I do not support adoption as it is currently practiced in this country today. I cannot support a system based on lies. Even so-called open adoption begins with a falsified birth certificate and does not guarantee enforcement of any open contact "promises."<BR/><BR/>I support would be far more in line with Australia police. As you may know, Evelyn Robinson of Australia wrote the forward to me book, The Stork Market. You can read that foreword at <BR/><BR/>www.AdvocatePublications.comAdoptAuthorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16916713887846028762noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-79585954629208045432007-06-19T13:38:00.000-07:002007-06-19T13:38:00.000-07:00You wrote.. “ Because you see, I am PRO the perman...You wrote.. <BR/><BR/>“ Because you see, I am PRO the permanent care of children - such as the 130,00 here in US foster care - who have no families they can ever be returned to because their rights were severed by the courts...a position of mine (and the most ardent so-called or self-proclaimed anti-adoptionist), and one those who have read my work would be aware of.”<BR/><BR/>Does this mean you are in favor of some kind of permanent foster care?<BR/><BR/>Like what is happening in Australia?<BR/><BR/>I see you skirt around the word adoption. Is there a reason for this?<BR/><BR/>I am a birthmom.. Do you allow me to use that term here?<BR/><BR/>I relinquished in 1965.<BR/><BR/>JackieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-82262422016326331442007-06-17T11:27:00.000-07:002007-06-17T11:27:00.000-07:00Margaret,Whoever you are are, whatever your connec...Margaret,<BR/><BR/>Whoever you are are, whatever your connection to adoption (or not), whatever your opinion of adoption... you are welcome here, as are all, who care to discuss issues in an intelligent, meaningful way.<BR/><BR/>I also commend you on joining many of us in boycotting adoption.comAdoptAuthorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16916713887846028762noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-19830254294091072272007-06-17T10:46:00.000-07:002007-06-17T10:46:00.000-07:00This reminds me of an exchange I had with an argum...This reminds me of an exchange I had with an argumentative colleague some years ago. I suggested that we take the disagreement off-list and she was not interested in even disagreeing with me once deprived of her audience. I'm so glad you have moved this discussion from Adoption.com. I doubt I will ever log onto that site again -- I can't see my curiosity supporting adoption profiteers.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-2215363254083923192007-06-17T10:41:00.000-07:002007-06-17T10:41:00.000-07:00Well, Benoiton is not satisfied to trash a book sh...Well, Benoiton is not satisfied to trash a book she hasn't read on her site, now she's coming after you on yours. I guess that "Boycott Adoption.com" movement is gaining some steam and her number of hits has dropped.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com