tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post2529552704524614683..comments2023-12-26T19:43:01.770-08:00Comments on FAMILY PRESERVATION not Adoption Separaration: Reunification of Adoption-Separated PersonsMirah Ribenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13626873757236976251noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-39133610877553054982016-03-11T10:19:18.063-08:002016-03-11T10:19:18.063-08:00Good! She would NOT have access to your hospital r...Good! She would NOT have access to your hospital records as HIPAA Laws prevent that. And it depend son what state she was born in whether she has ANY records whatsoever - even her original birth certificate. They are sealed in pst states.Mirah Ribenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13626873757236976251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-19535047285973534252016-03-11T09:59:25.691-08:002016-03-11T09:59:25.691-08:00I did send har a message saying thanks for the fri...I did send har a message saying thanks for the friend request and that I wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to speak to me and Glad that she is found, her sister found her! I don't have her medical records I didn't take them! Her adoptd parents have them, I presume, but now she has her adoption papers so I am sure she knows what happened! I though since I did send her a short message that I should wait for her to open up the conversation, as I am not anxious to tell the story, I think she should send some kind of word besides messesenger invitation!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-57115987266404638652016-03-11T08:25:20.465-08:002016-03-11T08:25:20.465-08:00I did answer back and told her thank for the Frien...I did answer back and told her thank for the Friend request, that I don't blame her if she hates me, as the papers she is given has what happened anyway, a record is kept, I actually told the Hospital the whole story, including trying to have a miscarriage! That is when she sent me a message invitation! I thought maybe she should write back after that, don't want to push it!! I don't have her medical records, probably she has them!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-86400482942946267332016-03-11T07:08:37.956-08:002016-03-11T07:08:37.956-08:00YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! There is an entire generation...YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! There is an entire generation of women who did what you did and new ones every day!!! I am so sorry you suffered alone all these years. There are support groups of mothers who lost children to adoption. Check it out on FB. In particular there is Concerned United Birthparents. Please find them or find ME, Mirah Riben, on FB for support!! I pray you will reply to your daughter's request. It's th best way you can redeem yourself!! Especially since she wants to meet you. She may NEED you. Be prepared for anything. She may have had a wonderful life and just wants to thank or may just want or NEED medical history and you OWE her that!! She may also have had a HORRID life. Be prepared for anything, but do answer her call for you. Do not HURT her with the rejection you felt that caused you to lose her in the first place. Adopted are fragile and it takes guts to reach out to you. Do not reject her!! That would be a terrible unforgivable sin. Adoptees feel a basic sense of rejection from having been given away. Do not add more rejection! Tell her the truth and tell her who her father is if you know his name. If not, help get get DNA testing to find out. It is important for health history that she knows and it is also her RIGHT to know both of you. She will understand the truth. We ALL have made bad choices. An entire population used drugs in the 60s, even presidents.<br />Mirah Ribenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13626873757236976251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-9107158578098004862016-03-11T05:59:16.833-08:002016-03-11T05:59:16.833-08:00My adopted daughter just found me and now I don...My adopted daughter just found me and now I don't know what to say or do! I use to party, drinking, smoking about 38 years ago, met this guy got pregnant, he rejected me in the end said the relationship wasn't working, at the time he didn't know or I that I was pregnant! Being rejected made me want to party more and didn't want the baby I was carrying so I tried to have a miscarriage, I was really messed up then, then after having her, a C-section and we both were in bad shape, but later in life would have some medical issues, I had told the Hospital that I wanted to give her up for adoption, but returned thinking I would keep her, but then left her at the hospital to be adopted!I finally, stopped all the partying drinking etc., and regretted it very much, have gotten forgiveness from God, not from her, but I can't stop my self from thinking Ihat I am the most evil person in the world, someone said God has forgiven you but you haven't forgiven yourself, which is true! Now, I got FR from her on Facebook and message invite and I am at loss of what to do or say and don't feel worthy anyway! Don't feel worthy of seeing her or her to like me! Plus, I am ashamed to talk about my actions back then, I am 62 years old now! Please someone help!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-59675140967223392602016-02-24T15:19:54.987-08:002016-02-24T15:19:54.987-08:00Ladybug,
I am so sorry! That would devastate and...Ladybug,<br /><br />I am so sorry! That would devastate and confuse anyone!<br /><br />I am sure it's no consolation but, I will say it anyhow:<br /><br />1. At least you know who she is and they are and got to meet them all.<br /><br />2. It is not uncommon, though I don't know I have ever heard of it happening so suddenly and without any word.<br /><br />Again, I am sorry. Are there nay adoption support groups in your area? If not, look for support online. Facebook hs many adoption-related groups.Mirah Ribenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13626873757236976251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-86408278885936190692016-02-24T14:50:34.334-08:002016-02-24T14:50:34.334-08:00Thank you for your insight and wisdom!
I could wr...Thank you for your insight and wisdom! <br />I could write a book on my own experience of being an adoptee as well as my recent experience with a reunion and most recent rejection. <br />I am 54, have searched for my birth mother most of my adult life. I finally found her August 2015 due to dna test and tracing the family down! As if finding her wasn't one of the happiest moments of my life, but to also discover that my mother and entire maternal family had always wanted me, always kept me in their thoughts and prayers their whole life. <br />My mother had me until the age of 2.5, she placed me in voluntary foster care after she had married an abusive alcoholic and was pregnant with his child. (My heart broke for her)<br />Her and the rest of the family always longed for the day of being reunited with me.<br />She insisted on getting a dna test as well, to prove that I was her daughter. (Although hurt and anxious, I remained very patient )<br />Dna was the proof that she needed and it was a positive match!<br />So we proceeded with our first reunion the week after this past Christmas. She insisted that my husband and I stay with her, which was most definitely ok with us. It was a fairy tale dream come true and the whole week was more than I could've ever prayed or hoped for! <br />She arranged for the whole family to spend a day together, which was overwhelmingly and wonderfully accepted by us all!!! <br />There was so much sharing, caring, conversation and most of all the most warming unconditional love, I was home and it felt like home!!!<br />Then till now....rejection!!!!<br />It has been almost 2 months with phone calls and texts being ignored from my mother, half sister, aunt, cousin. Everyone that I had communication with prior, have all shut down. <br />Needless to say, emotional roller coaster and blaming myself is an understatement. <br />I am an extremely strong person but this has me spiraling down every day and I don't know what to do or how to fix it.<br />I am also a very loving, compassionate, forgiving person. I am more than willing to allow and give her whatever space she needs or if she has decided that this is too much to handle, I'm ok with that as well. If only she would tell me. Her "fade out" and silence has only left me heart broken and my mind to wonder. <br />In my 25+ years of searching I was always open and ready for the possibility of her not wanting to have contact with me. I never had any hard feelings or hate towards her. I just needed to know who and where my family was and where I came from.<br />I have been through so much pain and bad things in my life, her actions of acceptance and rejection has left me so heart broken and more pain than I have ever felt.Ladybughttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00772274105727020709noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-90077580522877368342015-10-17T10:37:45.829-07:002015-10-17T10:37:45.829-07:00Wonderful and Beautiful. Thank you!
Just a quick...Wonderful and Beautiful. Thank you!<br /><br />Just a quick thought for those who encounter the "obviously" angry person who says "I am NOT angry!" I think I have said this very thing with the very same appearance countless times. :-) I'm not sure for everyone else, but what I mean when saying this is I really am not angry... I am terribly and deeply hurt, in a lot of pain, and I feel helpless to do anything about it. To anyone who encounters this statement, try tacking on the rest of the sentence. It might make more sense and open a dialogue that could be life changing. :-)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10721092673146282128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-22441239295978359392015-10-12T07:13:42.546-07:002015-10-12T07:13:42.546-07:00Nancy - You can also find post-reunion help on Fac...Nancy - You can also find post-reunion help on Facebook. There are groups for birth, first, original mothers and for adoptees.Mirah Ribenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13626873757236976251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-6049671552939845772015-10-11T22:17:54.602-07:002015-10-11T22:17:54.602-07:00I am so glad I found this page. I have been search...I am so glad I found this page. I have been searching for answers regarding my wayward reunion and this has given me great insight. Nancynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-26608663588058847662014-08-19T08:45:34.993-07:002014-08-19T08:45:34.993-07:00Shar - Most all behavior comes from one of two pla...Shar - Most all behavior comes from one of two places: love or fear. It is not so much rejection of pain, i think, as putting up a self-protective wall because of the FEAR of possible pain or being rejected again.<br /><br />The major impediment to reunion is adoptee FEAR of hurting their aps.Mirah Ribenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13626873757236976251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-21214472989443406312014-08-18T22:10:44.177-07:002014-08-18T22:10:44.177-07:00There is no such thing as rejection of people in r...There is no such thing as rejection of people in reunion. It is rejection of the pain. It isn't personal at all. Please read The Girls Who Went Away. Your mother is traumatized. It isn't your fault. You are loveable and always have been. Please don't give up. We can break through and find some healing. I found tremendous help at www.adoptionhealing.comAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11903497735700443952noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-49376075782614861582014-03-26T13:03:18.684-07:002014-03-26T13:03:18.684-07:00Thank you for this. Wish this wise advice had been...Thank you for this. Wish this wise advice had been available in the early 80's. Such gentleness with our hearts needs to always be practiced. As an adoptee who lost my parents then longed for info on my birth mom only to be rejected I felt responsible for causing pain. It's as if I was "discarded junk" a constant struggle even today. Through prayer I know God doesn't make junk and even though I don't know where I came from, I know where I'm going. Wishing for peace, gratitude and closure for my birth mom.Laurie Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14053527222034124400noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-73784408156361552672013-07-30T20:21:56.245-07:002013-07-30T20:21:56.245-07:00Hello I am new to the form. my name is cammie, jus...Hello I am new to the form. my name is cammie, just wanted to say <br />I appreciate you sharing your insight and experiences of your reunion. I have not been on a form since 2006.<br />Thanks<br />camsAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00783244904118073685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-68882458040376610762013-07-30T20:17:16.987-07:002013-07-30T20:17:16.987-07:00Hello I am new to the form. my name is cammie, jus...Hello I am new to the form. my name is cammie, just wanted to say <br />I appreciate you sharing your insight and experiences of your reunion. I have not been on a form since 2006.<br />Thanks<br />camsAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00783244904118073685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-43347173590871834282013-04-14T07:57:34.312-07:002013-04-14T07:57:34.312-07:00This is a great post. I wish I'd had it when ...This is a great post. I wish I'd had it when I started on the journey. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-62883096406268243642013-04-02T12:01:39.758-07:002013-04-02T12:01:39.758-07:00Barbara,
It is a shock to whomever is found. Some...Barbara,<br /><br />It is a shock to whomever is found. Sometimes it is the birthparent who initiates the search and contact and the adoptee who is shocked!Mirah Ribenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13626873757236976251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-79327116664768999162013-04-02T10:59:44.222-07:002013-04-02T10:59:44.222-07:00Wonderful insight in this post on reunion. As a r...Wonderful insight in this post on reunion. As a reunited adoptee who had a joyful reunion experience with my birth mother and her family, as well as with my birth father and his family, I realize just how blessed I have been and how different my reunions could have been. Even when all are delighted to reunite (including 4 parents as all mine were) it is a shock to the birth parents initially and does take some adjustment. I gained six married half siblings with children whose greatest gift is being a strong family for my children. It sure could have been very different. Thanks for sharing great perspective.Barbaranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-86186167604709073682013-04-01T21:08:35.781-07:002013-04-01T21:08:35.781-07:00I so very much needed to read this tonight. Thank ...I so very much needed to read this tonight. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us, Buck Wheat. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-87697582622875515212013-03-26T14:51:33.748-07:002013-03-26T14:51:33.748-07:00Great writing. proud of you. I want to add that ...Great writing. proud of you. I want to add that if i had to wait a minute longer to reunion with my dear loved one i think i would die. And while this was the first i realized that everything the agency told me about the adoption was a lie. that my love expected me to be a mom, to fulfill the things they missed and yet they were an adult. i had to search deep to think of nurturing verse while respecting our ages. I was not prepared for how different it was than what i was told. I did tell my love about the taking and i was not believed. I think because there is pain in adoption and to have to "hear" any more pain is too much to ask.. so we just take it a day, week, month at a step. Do i wish it could be different? of course, but since the damage is done, we must carry on the best we can. Don't let the bad reunion stories scare you. just as noone should give up on you, you should put the best construction on your loves too.nadesehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16624552930797070394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-26579658262263846262013-03-24T05:39:26.243-07:002013-03-24T05:39:26.243-07:00Great post, Buck Wheat. I hope lots of people goin...Great post, Buck Wheat. I hope lots of people going into reunion read this. <br /><br />Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-59274525942161449052013-03-23T06:50:30.652-07:002013-03-23T06:50:30.652-07:00Thank you, Buck Wheat, for this beautifully writte...Thank you, Buck Wheat, for this beautifully written summary of our life experiences. It never ceases to amaze me the similarity in our stories and always helps to know one is not alone.Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14327776258439478144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2384966947084602158.post-81160050574545471272013-03-22T20:37:24.797-07:002013-03-22T20:37:24.797-07:00Thank You so much for this wonderful post. I'm...Thank You so much for this wonderful post. I'm going through a very difficult reunion and at times I feel like giving up. Sometimes I feel like I can't go on any longer. The wise advise in this article has give me clarity and hope.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com