Friday, July 26, 2013

MORE UPDATES on Baby Veronica and the Evil Christie Maldonado


Christie Maldonado, the evil mastermind, perpetuator and non-stop bitter bitch in the case of Baby Veronica is NOW suing the federal government to take down the IWCA as unconstitutional



The public, media and adoption reformists focused the blame between Dusten Brown (who was labeled a dead beat dad who signed his rights away) and Matt and Melanie Capobianco, rightly accused of dragging the Baby Veronica case on and on and not just simply letting the child be with her father who loved her, wanted her and was perfectly capable of raising her...



Yet, throughout it all Christie Maldonado, Veronica's mother, was spared the controversy, barely ever mentioned in the media except as “the natural mother.” She was protected and spared all blame and culpability, unjustifiably in my sole opinion. She is the unspoken of elephant in the middle of this fiasco that the public, the media and even we in adoption reform have left unscathed. And it is Christie Maldonado, Baby Veronica's natural mother, in my opinion who is THE most culpable person in this debacle



The Capobiancos were dead wrong, but they never would have been in the picture, much less able to succeed had it not been for the choices made and reaffirmed every step of the way by Christie Maldinado. Christie chose the Capobiancos, and not just encouraged them, she insisted that they never give up relentlessly, giving them justification personally and publicly. With her on their side, they were not taking a child away form her father, they were upholding the never wavering wishes of the child's mother. 

The Capbiancos motivation was to have a baby girl.  Christie’s motivation was to USE them to keep her child from the child's father. Pure evil.

It was Christie, the natural mother, who set the entire fiasco in motion. It was she and she alone who decided on adoption of a child who had a father. She alone put the whole adoption plan in motion through deceit and less than honest and open communication or informed consent to Dusten. She disregarded him from the start and then blamed him for not being involved. She was less than honest in her intent, leading Dusten to believe he was signing custody over to her, without revealing her intent to place the child one she had him sign off on his rights. She tricked him!!  This was an evil and immoral thing to do and showed from the start of the process her lack of ability to put the needs of her child over her anger at this man she created this innocent baby with.
Christie sent Dusten a text message asking if he would rather pay child support or relinquish his parental rights. He responded via text message that he relinquished his rights, not ever hearing one word about any plan for adoption, he assumed he was allowing Christie to have sole custody, as opposed to joint custody.

Dusten was totally unaware that months prior to the baby's birth, Christie had begun to work with an adoption attorney to place the child with Matt and Melanie Capobianco of South Carolina. Although Oklahoma law requires that when the case involves a child of Indian decent, the tribe be notified, Maldonado's attorney misspelled Brown's name and provided an incorrect date of birth, so the tribe was not put on notice of the proposed adoption. After receiving permission from Oklahoma authorities, based in part on the identification of the child as Hispanic instead of Native American, the Capobiancos took the child to South Carolina.

Christie attended every court proceeding aligned with and supported the Capobiancos, and went as far as telling "the state court that she would nullify her consent to the child’s adoption if Veronica were not to live with the Capobiancos." 

Dale Dove, the attorney who represented Christie for the Supreme Court proceedings said“This is a case that promotes the rights and choices of the birth mother who’s taking the lion’s share of the burden. I am thrilled that they’ve decided it in a way that protects the adoption plans of birth mothers.”

Even those of us within the adoption community who are as far as we can be philosophically from the pro-adoptionists and the Industry … were so focused on solely blaming the Capobiancos and so wont to ever see a birthmother as anything but the wounded party - as she too often is - that we unintentionally have painted a not well-intentioned, innocent, coerced mother with the same brush we use for those whose vulnerabilities are exploited by the adoption machine.

Christie Maldonado, of all people, could have used whatever leverage she had to help resolve this case through a mediated open adoption or at the very least a demand for visitation, Instead she - like the Capobiancos and the law - saw the child as a piece of merchandise to dispute ownership of.  

She of all people, as a MOTHER, should have and could have fought for her CHILD's best interest over that of all the adults. Instead she orchestrated the battle and acted throughout to destroy the possibility of a reunification of a child and her kin, her heritage and a father who loved and wanted her, acting like far too many divorcing couples who use children as weapons in a perceived war.  She was angry mother in a divorce and she used the Capobiancos to do HER dirty work of taking her child from Dusten!  And she used the Capobiancos to do her dirty for her and pay all the legal fees.  

It is hard for me to say these things – to point a finger of blame at a “sister” birthmother who “lost” a child to adoption, but no generalizations can be made about any group of people. There are good and bad in every race, religion and there are good and bad adoptive parents and good and bad birth parents.

I recognize and award adoptive parents who do the right thing in order to encourage more to do so. And I recognize when a mother does the WRONG thing, as is the case here. I am able to admit that there are some mothers who are incapable of making safe, healthy choices for the well being of their children, often because of substance abuse or mental illness. I encourage extended family care in such cases, but to ignore the reality and claim or believe ALL mothers and fathers should have custody of their children, is dogmatic and inherently wrong and makes anyone saying it lose all credibility and paints adoption reformers as stringent anti-adoptionists who defend mothers right or wrong.

Loving, caring parents who are capable should maintain their rights and that was the case here with Dusten Brown. Dusten was duped by Veronica’s mother who put her anger above her child’s best interested and insisted she be raised by strangers rather than her own blood kin. And that started and ended this case for Veronica. It was what encouraged the Capobiancos to continue to pursue no matter what and influenced all the court decisions.

Where was court ordered mediation, as is done in divorces and custody battles? Where was a guardian ad litem to represent the child's interest throughout this or any disputed adoption? Where was court ordered visitation or slow transition for any of the transfers of this innocent, tiny human being tossed about like a ship in a storm, hither and yon, calling different sets of people Mommy and Daddy so many times in her young life, and suffering abandonment upon abandonment? Will she ever be able to trust again? Where were her interests in any of this?

Christie, mother of two other children, orchestrated this cruel circus every step of the way from her very first deceit to Dusten, to choosing the Capobiancos, standing by them to this day, and publically slandering her child’s father. I say shame on Christie and some stones should be cast where they need to be.  Bad mother of year award goes to Christie Maldonado for putting her anger before the best interest of her child, for deceiving and berating her child's father, and now, not satisfied with ruining her daughter's life, taking her from her loving father and sister and grandparents, she is trying to remove protection for all native American children!

UPDATE 7/28: "Feminists" - women who have NEVER supported mothers in crisis who are pressured and coerced to relinquish their children or have them taken wrongfully... women who have never supported adoptee equality, are now supporting this BE-ATCH, Christie Maldonado who acted in ways that are counter the the well-being of Veronica and her two other children.  These are people who BLINDLY support any mother who fights a father over custody.

UPDATE 7/28: The Notorious "Fat Lady" has yet to utter her swan song....HOPE remains fro veronica and her RIGHTFUL Blood Kin FAMILY as the case goes BACK TO COURT!!




Monday, July 22, 2013

A personal view into a failing adoption....

I have a friend who is 95. She is a former school teacher and very sharp and active. She is no stranger to adoption, as her sister, who I also know, is a former social worker who prides herself on being on the forefront of helping to get inter-racial adoptions accepted and adopted two boys of another race.

These are bright, well educated, liberal, savvy and well informed women.

My friend tells me today that a "VERY DEAR" friend of her and her husband's (who is now gone) - called her to share the latest update on their adopted 20 year old son. He was adopted in Texas and is from Mexico. (Maybe Gladney, maybe private, I didn't ask, and I also don't know how old these "very close" friends of hers are.) They also have a biological child.

The boy has had 'difficulties' in school, etc and has been in treatment for emotional problems and drugs and has attempted suicide. He has just finished his latest rehab and they "don't know what to do for him or with him anymore."

These people are of the same caliber as my friend and even more so, perhaps. The wife/mother is medical director of some prestigious hospital and the father is a prominent psychologist or psychiatrist. One of them flaunts an Ivy league degree.

All my friend knew was how much they loved him from day one and that they had "tried everything" and were at their wits end and didn't know what else to do -- to the point they actually asked a 95-year-old woman if she would take him!  She told them she could barely take care of herself!

They cried to her that they had no other family and she was the closest thing they had to family and they didn't know where else to turn!!

I finally said to her, well if they tried EVERYTHING, I wonder of that included helping him search for his original family who might be able to share some pertinent medical history and also may be able to offer some emotional support and answer some questions for the boy, even if she has shown no interest in the subject. She at first totally pooh-poohed the idea. "They're in Mexico!" "He knows he's loved."

I told her that adoptees had a far higher than average rate of all kinds of emotional probelms including substance abuse and suicide, and that this was primarily because they feel a deep sense of loss, rejection and abandonment and they are never allowed to speak about it and everyone simply ignores their loss and grief because everyone is just focused on how happy THEY are having him in their family and assume he feels the same.

Being interracially or internationally adopted, I told her, adds an additional layer because they act as if it makes no difference but he looks in the mirror every day and knows that's not true and all his friends at school see the difference and make him know he is different. And he keeps all this in, too. And that having a biological sibling is an extra challenge. All of this was amazing news to her - even having had two inter-racially adopted nephews, now both adults....sons of her sister with whom she has always been close friends and lived near.

In today's New York Times Parenting blog, Nicole Soojung Callahan writes;
"My parents always seemed hesitant to discuss my adoption. My mother would tell me, “You’re ours, and that’s all that matters.” My father might say, “We didn’t care if you were Asian, or black, or purple with polka dots.” We joked about the fact that we looked different, that others had curious, sometimes invasive questions about it. We were all united in wanting our family to be seen as normal. But while my parents did not seem to think much about my adoption, my unknown birth parents, or the fact that I was a Korean child being raised by a white family in a predominantly white town, I was always aware of these things, and thought about them constantly."
This is classic! We hear it every day from internationally adopted persons. It's easy to be "color blind" through white privileged eyes. (For more, read the books of Jane Joeng Trenka)

I told her that no therapist is going to help him unless that therapist is an expert in issues of adoption loss (though more likely his aps would find the kind of "expert" who labeled the kid with an alphabet soup of 'disorders' that blamed him for not bonding.)

She had never even thought about the fact that curiosity of your genealogy, your ancestry is normal and adoptees are supposed to simply ignore their curiosity!

She said, if they find no other help, she MIGHT tell them and have me talk to them. Likely they'll simply resolve THEIR problem by finding a place to dump him, since that seemed to be the reason they called her. That and to get some sympathetic "You tried your best."




Friday, July 19, 2013

The Baby Veronica Fiasco Blame Game


The agonizingly long drawn out case of Baby Veronica seems to have reached it's end with father and child torn apart.

The case of Baby Veronica began before this now four-year-old child was born.  Veronica was born in 2009 to Christy Maldonado of Oklahoma, a self-described Latina single mom of two other children.  It has wound it’s way through the South Carolina Courts all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court who sent it right back to SC who recently made the latest what appears to be the final decision regarding the permanent care and custody of this innocent child.

Supporters on the two sides of this baby battle agree one thing: that it has been horrific for this child. And there seems to be plenty of blame to go around.


The Adoption Culture

In order to fully understand this case, one must view it within the framework of the extremely pro-adoption culture we live in the US today where the general consensus, by far, is that adoption is a child-saving miracle that should be encouraged. Among many Christian churches you are not a goof Christian until you have “saved” an alleged “orphan” via adoption.  It is encouraged and supported by hefty tax credits…regardless if the child is actually an orphan or if he is being torn from a parent or parents who are fighting desperately to keep and care for their flesh and blood child.

This case is set upon a backdrop of adoption good; deadbeat Dads - like the old stereotypical coke whore mother - are bad.

In this extremely pro adoption culture are those of us who  see through the smoke and mirrors, the lies and fabrications; we see behind the curtain the child-destroying aspects of adoption: that it begins by nullifying the child’s identity, heritage, medial history, ancestry; that it treats the child as merchandise in a sale; that it keeps the adoptee forever infantilized and denied equal status to al non-adopted citizens in the vast majority of states by keeping his or her original birth certificate from him for life; that it treats adopted persons as suspicious and creates discriminatory laws and statuses that apply only to them in defiance of the fourteenth Amendment….

Those of us who see it and report on the atrocities within the adoption industry, the fallacies and injustices in our laws, policies and practices that govern child adoption within the US and Internationally – are quickly slapped with the label “anti-adoption.”

Yet few cases shine a clear bright light on adoption as a crisis of imbalance weighed heavily against families of blood connection, than the removal of Baby Veronica from her natural father who has fought for her from the start, who is perfectly capable of providing a safe, healthy home for her and who has gone to extreme lengths to do so for the past eighteen months. Like a piece of furniture she is being taken away yet again.

Who's to Blame?
  
The Indian Child Welfare Act

Veronica’s father is a member of the Cherokee nation and as such asserted his rights under The Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA) that was enacted in 1978 to protect Native American children from being adopted away by non-tribal members. Tribal nations had been losing as many as 25 to 35 percent of their children to removal from their homes, and consequently from their tribal culture. In some cases, the per capita rate of Indian children in foster care was nearly 16 times higher than the rate for non-Indians.

On the Dr. Phil Show, however, Matt Copobianco made the opposite, absurd claim that, “The Child Welfare Act is destroying families.” Another adoptive father named Johnston, on the same totally one-sided show, said of the ICWA: “I think it’s an unjust law. I think it’s a racist law, because we were white, and the kids were considered Indian…”

They are not the only pro-adoptionists to point a finger of blame at the ICWA. Adoptive father John Culhane, writing on Slate.com, claimed it “contributes to the destructive narrative that an adoption is never a sure thing, and could make even more difficult the search for adoptive parents.” He went as far as to say: “It’s tribalism in its most literal, and block-headed, sense.” 

Sure, anything that preserves natural families and reduces adoptions is seen as a negative in our pro-adoption culture that is all about child snatching under a saving pretext as it was from the start and what caused the necessity of the ICWA.

Dustin Brown

Dustin and Christie became engaged to be married in December 2008. Christie informed Dustin that she was pregnant a month later, January 2009. On learning of the pregnancy, Dustin sought to marry Christie and refused to provide any financial support until after the two had married. In May 2009, Christie broke off the engagement by text message and cut all communications with Dustin.

Four months after the birth of the child and just days from deployment to Iraq, Dustin was served with notice of the proposed adoption of his daughter. Dustin signed a document, believing that he was relinquishing rights to Veronica over to her mother, Christie. Once Dustin realized what he had signed, he immediately tried to retrieve the document, and failing that, contacted the Judge Advocate General at Fort Sill for assistance. Seven days after being notified of the proposed adoption by the Copobiancos, Dustin obtained a stay of the adoption proceedings under the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act and he deployed with his Army unit to Iraq. Dustin also invoked his right as a Cherokee and continued to fight tooth and nail leaving no stone unturned in a costly legal battle. He won his cases in trial court and on appeal with the State Supreme Court. The case finally wound up in the US Supreme Court where it was sent back to SC and veronica taken from her father who by then had had physical custody of her from 12/31/11 to July 2013 - 19 months. Complete timeline here

Dustin is a man of integrity and ethics who has remained in an amicable relationship with his former wife who credits him for being a good, involved father to the child they share.

Dustin was fully supported by the Indian community, but in the court of public opinion there is no doubt who to blame: Dustin Brown.  Dustin has been trashed in the media as a deadbeat dad who didn’t want to be father and signed his rights away. To adoptive parents and most of the public, the blame begins and ends with him for wanting his own daughter!

Matt and Melanie Copobianco

Apparently, unbeknownst to Dustin, Veronica’s father, Christie chose to give their child for adoption to the Copobiancos of Charleston, SC. She said she felt an immediate connection to these unrelated people she had located looking through ‘files’ and allowed them in the delivery room to the cord after delivery. They raised her in an adoption that was open to Christie for 27 months.

The public rallied around the couple all throughout the battle with websites like Saveveronica.org.  The media portrayed them as loving, distraught “parents” who were having “their” child taken from them and the public ate it up. The entire adoptive parent community and adoption industry media machine was behind the Copobiancos.

Yet, reformers any within the adoption community were – and still are - outraged with fury and point all ten fingers of blame squarely on the Copobiancos calling then selfish and entitled continuing to pursue a child they knew from the start was wanted by her father.  And they were fully supported and cheered on in this child snatching by a pro-adoption culture that permeates and has totally brainwashed our culture backed by a mega-billion dollar industry media machine that puts a spin on anything and everything adoption related, changing language and lying all to keep the babies and the money they bring flowing. And the public eats it up like hot dogs at a baseball game!  Cheering hooray for adoption! 

The Copobiancos are loudly and vehemently cast as the villains for keeping this child in a tennis match in which she was both the ball being bounced back and forth and the coveted prize when they could and should have returned the child the minute they knew the child had a capable father who was protesting the adoption and certainly should have left her with him once they lost custody and the child was removed and formed a bond with Dustin and his wife.

The anger for them among adoptees and mothers who have lost children to adoption is off the charts rage and pure unadulterated hatred! They and they alone are painted as THE monsters in this case by the adoption activist community for not letting go from the start or after the court decision in Dustin’s favor…but dragging it on and on now, when Veronica is four years old and old enough to really form clear cognitive memories. 

Their behavior is nothing less than despicable, some say reprehensible.

The Courts

The courts certainly bare culpability as well. The failed this child again and again flip flopping back and forth with black or white choices and no comprises. Under adoption law there are winners and losers and no way to compromise. It is preposterous that a case involving a child can go back and froth with arguments being made about her custody as if she were an automobile and her adoption just a contract for her sale. 

Family court denied the request of guardian ad litem that favored Dustin back in 2011.

Supreme Court Judge Scalia had scathing words for the decision on this case:
"The Court's opinion, it seems to me, needlessly demeans the rights of parenthood. It has been the constant practice of the common law to respect the entitlement of those who bring a child into the world to raise that child. We do not inquire whether leaving a child with his parents is 'in the best interest of the child.’ It sometimes is not; he would be better off raised by someone else. But parents have their rights, no less than children do. This father wants to raise his daughter, and the statute amply protects his right to so do. There is no reason in law or policy to dilute that protection."
The courts clearly failed this child.

Christie Maldonado

Christie, the one who put the whole adoption plan in motion through deceit and less than honest and open communication or informed consent of Dustin...is never mentioned by either side. Never held culpable. Never blamed. She gets off scot-free.

Christie sent Dustin a text message asking if he would rather pay child support or relinquish his parental rights. He responded via text message that he relinquished his rights, not ever hearing one word about any plan for adoption, he assumed he was allowing Christie to have sole custody, as opposed to joint custody.

Dustin was totally unaware that months prior to the baby's birth Christie had begun to work with an adoption attorney to place the child with Matt and Melanie Copobianco of South Carolina. Although Oklahoma law requires that when the case involves involves a child of indian decent, the tribe be notified, Maldonado's attorney misspelled Brown's name and provided an incorrect date of birth, so the tribe was not put on notice of the proposed adoption. After receiving permission from Oklahoma authorities, based in part on the identification of the child as Hispanic instead of Native American, the Copobiancos took the child to South Carolina.

The Copobiancos were dead wrong, but, Christie Maldonado, Baby Veronica's natural mother, in my opinion is THE most culpable person in this debacle. Christie chose the Copbiancos, and not just encouraged them, she insisted that they never give up. She attended every court procedure, at their side, speaking on their behalf, defending their right to her child as her sole wish, deriding Dustin Brown. She steadfastly waged a campaign of public character assassination against Dustin and supported the Copobiancos every move; every battle to keep the child away from Dustin. Her motives were pure hate for her ex.

Christie not only GAVE the Copobiancos motivation to continue, relentlessly, she gave then justification personally and publicly. With her on their side, they were not taking a child away form her father, they were upholding the never wavering wishes of the child's mother. 

Christie attended every court proceeding alligned with and supporting the Copobiancos, and went as far as telling "the state court that she would nullify her consent to the child’s adoption if Veronica were not to live with the Copobiancos." 

Dale Dove, the attorney who represented Christie for the Supreme Court proceedings said“This is a case that promotes the rights and choices of the birth mother who’s taking the lion’s share of the burden. I am thrilled that they’ve decided it in a way that protects the adoption plans of birth mothers.”


Read more here: http://www.heraldonline.com/2013/07/21/5038614/rock-hill-attorney-involved-in.html#storylink=cpy

Even those of us within the adoption community who are as far as we can be philosophically from the pro-adoptionists and the Industry … are so focused on solely blaming the Copobiancos and so wont to ever see a birthmother as anything but the wounded party - as she too often is - that we unintentionally have painted a not well-intentioned, innocent, coerced mother with the same brush we use for those whose vulnerabilities are exploited by the adoption machine.

Christie Maldonado, of all people, could have used whatever leverage she had to help resolve this case through a mediated open adoption or at the very least a demand for visitation, Instead she - like the Copobiancos and the law - saw the child as a piece of merchandise to dispute ownership of.  

She of all people, as a MOTHER, should have and could have fought for her CHILD's best interest over that of all the adults. Instead she orchestrated the battle and acted throughout to destroy the possibility of a reunification of a child and her kin, her heritage and a father who loved and wanted her, acting like far too many divorcing couples who use children as weapons in a perceived war.  She was angry mother in a divorce and she used the Copobiancos to do HER dirty work of taking her child from Dustin!  And she used the Copobiancos to do her dirty for for her and pay all the legal fees.  

It was Christie, the natural mother, who set this all in motion by making a sole decision for the adoption of a child who had a father. She disregarded him from the start and then blamed him for not being involved. She was less than honest in her intent, leading Dustin Brown to believe he was signing custody over to her, without revealing her intent to place the child one she had him sign off on his rights. She tricked him!!  This was an evil and immoral thing to do and showed from the start of the process her lack of ability to put the needs of her child over her anger at this man she created this innocent baby with.

It is hard for me to say these things – to point a finger of blame at a “sister” birthmother who “lost” a child to adoption, but no generalizations can be made about any group of people. There are good and bad in every race, religion and there are good and bad adoptive parents and good and bad birth parents.

I recognize and award adoptive parents who do the right thing in order to encourage more to do so. And I recognize when a mother does the WRONG thing, as is the case here. I am able to admit that there are some mothers who are incapable of making safe, healthy choices for the well being of their children, often because of substance abuse or mental illness. I encourage extended family care in such cases, but to ignore the reality and claim or believe ALL mothers and fathers should have custody of their children, is dogmatic and inherently wrong and makes anyone saying it lose all credibility and paints adoption reformers as stringent anti-adoptionists who defend mothers right or wrong.

Loving, caring parents who are capable should maintain their rights and that was the case here with Dustin Brown. Dustin was duped by Veronica’s mother who put her anger above her child’s best interested and insisted she be raised by strangers rather than her own blood kin. And that started and ended this case for Veronica. It was what encouraged the Copobiancos to continue to pursue no matter what and influenced all the court decisions.

Where was court ordered mediation, as is done in divorces and custody battles? Where was a guardian ad litem to represent the child's interest throughout this or any disputed adoption? Where was court ordered visitation or slow transition for any of the transfers of this innocent, tiny human being tossed about like a ship in a storm, hither and yon, calling different sets of people Mommy and Daddy so many times in her young life, and suffering abandonment upon abandonment? Will she ever be able to trust again? Where were her interests in any of this?

The case may have reached its end. There is a slim chance Oklahoma refuses to hand over the child based on the time time, her age, and the bonds she has formed with her FAMILY. 

Who is to blame for this tragedy? The razor sharp divisiveness continues with the divide remaining as a battle between Dustin Brown and Matt and Melanie Copobianco, with Christie never mentioned, never dragged into any of the controversy, barely ever mentioned in the media except as “the natural mother.” She is protected and spared all blame and culpability, unjustifiably in my sole opinion. She is the unspoken of elephant in the middle of this fiasco that the public, the media and even we in adoption reform have left unscathed.

Christie Maldonado orchestrated this cruel circus every step of the way from her very first deceit to Dustin, to choosing the Copobiancos, standing by them to this day, and publically slandering her child’s father. I say shame on Christie and some stones should be cast where they need to be.  The Copobiancos never would have been in the picture, much less able to succeed had it not been for the choices made and reaffirmed every step of the way by Christie Maldinado.

Bad mother of year award goes to Christie Maldonado for putting her anger before the best interest  of her child, for deceiving and berating her child's father.

Collateral Damage: Innocent Victims

And in the wake of this war, like any war, there is are innocent people hurt. Veronica's sister and grandparents are among them.   Also, Dustin's current wife who totally her role as mother to Veronica and who the child called Mommy for a year. 

UPDATE: Christie Moldinado has sued the federal government, saying a law governing the placement of Indian children is unconstitutional
Read more:
http://journalrecord.com/2013/07/25/mom-sues-u-s-government-in-indian-girls-adoption-law/#ixzz2aA5lGAcr                                                             

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